Thanks to brain-melting industry publication, Marketing Magazine, you can easily obtain figures detailing how companies compare when it comes to a thing called ‘brand recall’ – which essentially means ‘remembering adverts’. After all – it’s no good making a brain-rotting telenudge unless it’s guaranteed to burn itself into the collective synapse of the proletariat consumer, eh?
Here’re the top 10 performers - and my attempt at total recall.
Sainsburys (69%)
Easy – this is Jamie Oliver patronising people and then cooking them a third rate dinner in some suburban vision of hell on earthly terrain.
Asda (61%)
No idea. Three crates of booze for a tenner? Some arsehole in a green hat patting his arse? Ian Wright pretending to be enthusiastic about baking a loaf? Or is that Somerfield?
Dolmio (60%)
Fucking annoying puppets blabbering incomprehensibly about sauce.
Littlewoods Direct (53%)
No idea. Scrabbling for a memory, I can picture some tall girl mucking about in slow motion on a beach in a peach-coloured dress – but I think that’s just a generic mental image I’ve invented when I think of the catalogues middle aged women get through the post. I also recall many happy moments spent with the lingerie section of the Kays catalogue. Thanks again, catalogue-model girls.
L’Oreal Elvive Re-Nutrition (51%)
Is this Andie MacDowell? Or Eva Longoria? Either way, it’s a shit actress talking crap. Or it may just be a model with the speech dubbed over. In any case, hair doesn’t need nutrition. It just needs an occasional wash.
Marks & Spencer (49%)
Undoubtedly this’ll be Myleene and Claude Makelele’s wife playing silly buggers in swimsuits, in a lighthouse while an old woman and a giantess look on. Getting a bit tiresome, this campaign (if looking at this sort of thing could ever be considered tiresome).
Burger King (49%)
The Dark Knight burger. When I can’t decide what brand of coloured, flavoured offal and dung pattie I want to stick into my gut, I let a fictional character - usually a superhero - decide for me.
Morrisons (48%)
More reasons to shop at more-reasons? Is that still going? Or is it Alan ‘Arsehole’ Hansen clutching a trolley like a zimmer-frame? I’m guessing rather than trying to remember these ads now, if you hadn’t noticed.
Vauxhall Corsa (47%)
I can’t remember car ads, ever. Has it got a car in it?
Going very fast?
It has?
Then I won’t remember it.
Flora pro.activ (46%)
I don’t even know what this is. It’s got ‘Flora’ attached so I assume it’s margarine – but the weirdly punctuated and abbreviated bit at the end leads me to assume it’s a futuristic margarine that makes your bones robotic or something. This sort of branding makes me hit spread-autopilot and reach for the Utterly Butterly out of brain-freeze confusion.
The end
Scientific Conclusion:
We only remember adverts if they’re hugely patronising, if they feature women in bikinis or if they’ve got puppets talking with very strong, affected italian accents in them.
I think we’ve all learned something today.
22 Comments
Did you make that image? That’s rather nicely done, that is.
Actually, isn’t that some sort of famous art thing? I can’t remember. Maybe if there’d be an advert…
It’s from They Live – the best film to feature a WWF star as the lead EVER.
Plus that film’s available to watch for free on google video. Bagged!
It’s bloody great. Social commentary AND a completely needless ten minute wrestling scene.
Surely See No Evil is the best WWF/E wrestler film. Kane pulling people’s eyes out and having a wank, can’t beat it.
Speaking of adverts – has anyone seen the recent Orangina one? Because it’s seriously disturbing for a soft drink advert.
sh: It’s from They Live – the best film to feature a WWF star as the lead EVER.
what about the scorpion king?
Hang on – The Scorpion King – is that the one with Tia Carrere (or however you spell it)
Wenchy – I’ve seen the one for still Fanta. Which sounds, to my mind, like it’s for orange squash.
didn’t someone blog about the Corsa ads the other day. Or were you being funny? *SOH bypass*
This is the Orangina one:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=-eL06dz1Ymg
Work safe, but weird.
You’re right – BM – but even that vanishes from my mind. Because it’s about cars.
That Orangina ad is obviously inspired by Second Life Wenchy.
If youve ever been in there its just wall-to-wall tall goths chatting up animals dressed in designer clothes. I doubt theres anyone over 9 in there.
I’ve heard of Second Life, never played it…sound like great fun! Ahem.
Seriously though, Bambi with tits? NO NO NO!
That Origina advert is fucking dreadful, lap dancing animals? What the fuck is going on? How is it possible to sexualise a fucking deer or whatever it’s supposed to be… Is nothing safe from the Jordan-effect?
worth having a look for half an hour wenchy. you’ll get bored after that though.
the flying bit is fun.
sh: i think you’re thinking about “kull the conquerer” when it comes to the lovely tia carrerererererea
I’ll look that one up, indy – oh one who is knowledgeable when it comes to shitty films.
Second Life is terrible and feels utterly futile, don’t bother.
“I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum!” – that’s fantastic terrible writing.
That kick ass /chew bubblegum line used to be my facebook slogan thing. It’s not any more.
No, something about ideas above your station. What a shame.