Presumably to fill the Two Pints-shaped hole in the schedules (currently being filled with thousands of episodes of Family Guy), BBC3 have commissioned Massive.
Massive is a new comedy series on BBC Three starring Ralf Little (Two Pints Of Lager, The Royle Family), Carl Rice (Scallywagga) and Johnny Vegas (Ideal, Benidorm).
Danny (Ralf Little) and Seamus (Carl Rice) bonded over Oasis in ‘94 and have been best mates ever since. Both Manchester born-and-bred, both mid-twenties and both temping in dead-end jobs, they’re united by one all-consuming passion: music.
Inspired by the city’s local heroes – Tony Wilson, Joy Division, The Happy Mondays – the lads wile away the dreary office hours dreaming of their own record label.
But while they put in the footwork when it comes to gigs (three a week) and beer (considerably more than that) time is ticking by and they’re on the road to nowhere.That is until Danny’s gran pops her clogs. The mad old bat leaves him £10,000 and Danny doesn’t hesitate – he and Shay are going to have their label.
The lads jack in their jobs and find an office by the canal. Now all they’ve got to do is unearth the next Oasis and have a hit record…
Ralf ‘Two Pints’ Little, for my money, has forever blotted his tattered copybook with that pile of shit he kept starring in. Apart from Ideal, Johnny Vegas hasn’t really found a TV vehicle that suits him. So can we hold out much hope for this?
129 Comments
“Two Pints-shaped whole”
What’s this bloody ‘NewsGush’ all about? I can’t keep up with all these new-fangled innovations.
Indy – what’re you talking about?
Napoleon – it’s news. News items. Difficult to get your head around, I know.
I thought Ideal was terrible, Im afraid. And find Johnny Vegas just about the most irritating twat to ever slouch across my tv screen.
Still, I like puppies and kittens.
Reading that press release again, this Massive show could reach the dizzy comedy heights of that Delbert Wilkins thing Lenny Henry did in the 80s.
It looks shit, doesn’t it?
Consider this an early warning.
I don’t take well to change, Swineshead. You’ve been fiddling about, you fiddler.
Ralph little is to sitcoms what jo brand is to gameshows and just about everything else she appears on. ie an indication that it is going to be shite.
Despite her protestations of principle back in the 80’s, the woman will obviously do any old shite that they pay her for and should have lost any credentials to political or artistic integrity decades ago.
I just thought two or three conversation-pieces a day might be better than one. Get used to it, you ballbag.
It’s lucky you don’t have a job where you actually have to work for a living Swineshead, you lucky dog.
Jo Brand’s alright these days. She’s lost all the ‘men-are-shit’ bravado.
You’ll give up on this notion of yours soon enough. You’ve no staying-power, that’s your problem. Mark my words, fans of this new NewsGush malarky: It won’t last.
I’ve stamina to spare, you ignoramous – haven’t you seen how healthy the Friday fucking question is?
Having said that – it’ll be a quiet week next week.
Yes, she’s lost the ‘men are shite stuff’ SH.
But even she could see that was wearing thin. I’m ignoring obvious stuff about her appearance and cake/men gags and concentrating purely on the important stuff. ie that she appears in anything and is rarely if ever funny, and in fact usually seems like a torn-faced old bag.
On holiday, are we? Lazy bastard.
NC, do you remember Paul Squire?
In other news I’m eating a Marathon, sorry Snickers and it tastes of farts
Wasn’t he a comedian? I vaguely recall the name … though I could be thinking of someone I went to school with.
He was NC, nice one, gets a mention in The Young Ones
ITV really built him up and dropped him like a hot egg and he disappeared into utter obscurity
Anyway, he’s sat on my knee thumbing my scrotum
A chip shop santa claus tried that on with me once. They used to be so much more ‘hands-on’ in the late 70s and early 80s.
Santa sat on your knee?
Is that katy Brand show as utterly appalling as it looks in the trailers?
thats the great thing about trailers.
Sometimes, often even, they show you just enough to confirm something is well worth avoiding like the plague.
No, I sat on his. Should have read Piqued’s comment properly. Anyway, he was a right bastard. I imagine he’d have his house burnt down nowadays, but then he was just known in the local community as a dirty old man (paedophile) who ‘wanted to do his bit for the kiddies come Christmas’ (yes, fiddle with them).
Still, she’s got a nice set of knockers on her.
* at the sound of the trombone, wiggles glasses and slaps back of head*
This show looks awesome, I love Ralf Little, I love Two Pints, I love Johnny Vegas, I love Ideal. I loved 24 Hour Party People. This show is going to rule.
You love Two Pints?
*steps out of the way*
shouldnt that be ROOL, Tombstone?
If youre going to have the taste of a teenage idiot, you should at least be spelling like one.
I admit it, I’m The Tombstone and I like Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps. I find it very funny, it makes me and my friends laugh. I enjoy watching stupid chavs fail to a laugh track. I like Ralf Little, I like Will Mellor and the whole show was awesome. A lot of my friends like it and we’re in our early 20’s. My mum loves it as well.
*Hands tombstone a better shovel so he can get the job done quicker*
is your mum also in her early 20’s? how does that work?
Awesome? Grand Canyon awesome?
Let me share this with you
I’d not had sweetcorn in age until an 3/4 of an hour ago in a tuna and sweetcorn sandwich
Just taken a trog and on the post evacuation clean up operation there was a clod of cob on the bum fodder
I reckon I should get an Olympic Gold for that
Piqued, I believe that plot line featured in a very amoozin episode of two pints, but tombstone is more of an expert than I.
Are you sure it wasn’t a lump of intestinal melanoma you knocked off with spikey shit? I’d get to the doctor’s.
She had me when she was a baby, or she is in her early 50’s and I never included her in the early 20’s age bracket, but included her as an additional fan rather than with me and my friends. Whichever takes your fancy.
The Grand Canyon is just a stupid hole, this is a really funny sitcom.
I don’t think an electric digger could get me in this hole faster than I’m doing by myself. Can I go back in time and pretend not to like the show?
Tombstone, this sort of petty bullying and pulling to bits someone’s personal preferences and self-esteem, is the nearest you’ll get to a ‘welcome to the site’ so I’d just lie back and enjoy it.
*Lies back*
*Waits for enjoyment to begin*
I do quite fancy natalie cassidy though. And that wee tarty one with the ponytail.
I occassionally watch with the sound turned down – with both curtains and foreskin drawn.
Sonia off Eastenders? Is she in Two Pints now?
Christ…
sonia? tarty? you definitely need a holiday Swineshead.
Natalie Cassidy was Sonia in Eastenders… or did you mention that for no good reason? Was it just a spontaneous admission?
All 3 of the girls in it are fit.
natalile something. curly hair, nice tits.
No NC, it was definitely some sweetc…
*does the maths*
*calls 999*
natalie Casey – apparantly
And he means Natalie Casey, of Hollyoakes and getting into the charts with “Chick Chick Chick Chick Chick” as a child fame.
Ideal was one of the best (best) sit-coms of laster year.
Two pints is Holyoaks without the laughs.
Katy Brand is demented and unfunny.
and here was me telling everyone down the pub I really fancied natalie cassidy like fuck. no wonder they all moved their chairs to the other side of the room.
I thought it was just because Id spontaneously shit myself again.
I agree Nick, the first series of Ideal was brilliant stuff. Especially for those of us who have wasted a year or two of our lives living in shabby accomodation smoking crap weed.
Agree with you on Ideal and Katy Brand. Disagree with you on Two Pints and the Oakes they’re both funny, one intentionaly one because it’s crap. Hollyoakes is pretty good though, chav models given overly dramatic storylines they can’t handle, what’s not to love.
*croaks*
Shall we have a whip round for some flowers, or just steal his stuff? Or both?
Tombstone, please shut up about 2POLAAPOC. George likes Friends but he doesn’t get on about it. I’m sure we all have something in our televisual viewing we’re a bit ashamed of. Piqued watches Lost, for Christ’s sakes.
I wonder if any non-stoner has ever watched that show and found it in the least bit funny. I doubt it.
Piqued, I believe that means my expedition beats yours. you being dead and all.
Is Two Pints worse then Friends?
Please say yes.
yes Tombstone. I, for example, love the work of Frasier. ( oh dont start that again, they all cry, In vain) I know Frasier himself is a twat and not the least amusing. But martin and Niles have some of the best comedy timing and comic writing you can find anywhere.
And Swineshead loves jim davidsons meisterwork ‘Elephant & castle’. And is, i believe chairman of the fanclub and website.
So you see weve all got our skeletons.
I promise I will never mention Two Pints again unless it is to defend it against some blackguard with poor taste.
I’m not a stoner and I loved Ideal. Although I’m not a chav and I love *that show I can’t mention*
Charlie, Which show?
That is a lie. However, I freely admit to watching Big Brother. Make of that what you will.
I like Friends and Frasier as well. Maybe I like too much television to be here.
I used to watch Lost, SH (it went on to Sky and I’m not given that cunt Murdoch a fucking Penny of my dole)
Now big brother makes me want to pull my eyes out, I thought you only watch it to slag it off here though?
Ooh I hate Lost, and Heroes any of that expensive, pretentious overblown American rubbish. Now Dexter, that’s a fucking show.
Tombstone old boy: you are both an educated sophisticated young man and a complete fucking imbecile. How do you manage to navigate through life operating at such extremes of polarity.
Do you need electro-magnets attached to you at all times?
Sorry Piqued old son, I undersold you there.
The funniest thing is that you’re not the first person to tell me that. Apart from the magnets thing.
george, I think that was the name of some vehicle for jim davidson in the 80’s.
He ran a pub or something. I never watched it, but as I say, Swineshead has all the details.
Of course, the only appropriate vehicle for Jim davidson isa hearse.
Why is Charlie allowed to wish death on Jim Davidson but I can’t wish death on Marsh and Jordan? Or was it the method of death?
Aaaaah. I thought you were trying to insinuate that only stoners like ideal.
He was wasn’t he?
George and I are a proud stoners alliance.
Tombstone – obviously it’s the method of death.
yes, I was george. absolutely. I think we were talking at cross-purposes.
But I guess you must be used to that. what with injecting all that marajaroonie and what not.
*resumes reading Daily Mail*
I was just outside having a fag and talking to one of our trainee security guards, he was moaning about how he had to be stationed at B&Q and ‘watch all the blacks and Asians fight.’ I was wondering, anybody know if Dave’s in Northampton today?
… you’d never knowingly do that SH
That would explain it. Sorry I got confused, I’ve been getting wicked schizophrenia off of this super-skunkoid.
Just so you know, I’ve never met a stoner that liked Ideal. I should know, I’ve met at least 2.
I’ve never met a real stoner. What are they really like?
Tombstone, if you really want to know the effects of such intoxicants, just take a look at George’s picture.
The rest of them are just cartoons. That one is actually a photo.
Think on young man.
And you can also tell from the blue smoke. and the kaftans.
Tombstone – they tend to stay in so unless you go round you’ll probably not find out.
He’s right TS, they’re like Hamsters. They’re always in
I tend to stay in as well, very aggoraphobic me. I’m alright when I’ve got a routine but I tend to avoid going out unless absolutely neccessary. I guess me and stoners will never meet.
Headline today from the Huffington Post: Michael Jackson Turns 50.
I thought he’d only turned two – and even then he had to bribe the parents to shut up about it.
and in other news …
http://renz-o.blogspot.com/
Ralf Little once made a knowing comment about older women to me. I bloody wish I *had* – sigh…
I love a bit of ACDC Edna.
Angus’ Gibson SG could punch a hole in the space-time continuum if Stephen Hawkin was good enough to point him towards it.
hes not called ‘little’ for nothing edna. thats what I hear on the street.
Gnnnnrrrr…..
I just read that article about tourettes. AIDS is mentioned in the comments, and made light of. You’re all in with each other aren’t you? And you publish peoples’ email addresses when they disagree with you.
AIDS.
is that a gnrrr of desire, regret or anger. or all three. I can never tell.
what the flipping blinky are you on about Tombstone? no wonder you never get out. the doors are obviously locked from the outside.
Yeah I did wonder why those doctors were watching me wank through the hatch. I’m on about hypocrisy (sic) of the hightest order.
AIDS
And highest not hightest.
Tombstone – it’s all about context. Personally I can’t see how AIDS relates to a post about a Ralf Little sitcom, so can you grow the fuck up?
Thanks.
Seriously – Tombstone – please stop that unfunny ‘Aids’ signature thing.
I notice with interest that Massive has the involvement of the creative collossus that is Kenton Allen, brother of keith.
Were assuredly in safe hands.
Jobs for boys, Mingles.
In the honourable world that is the Meedyu?
Surely someone’s been asking questions in the House SH?
Hmm, not convinced even you believe the context bollocks you’re saying. Although I guess letting it go seems to be my best course of action, you being the moderator and all. Plus I’m sure if I disagree sufficiently with you you’ll get huffy and break your rules by publishing my email address.
And it’s not a signature. And I am grown up *sticks tongue out*.
*yawns*
Hundreth comment, YESsssSS
Don’t yawn at me son, I let it go.
Tombstone you’re behaving like a tit
There is a graveyard of people that used to post on here, they start off fine, get a bit confident and starting acting up
Don’t bother eh? It’s Friday
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Aidsases
Piqued’s right… let’s all be friendly. Can’t really see the point of coming in, fitting in, then fucking it up on purpose.
Some people do that in the real world, they’re called sociopaths.
I do try my hardest not to be too strict on the comments, after all. I’m like a big lovable Uncle Joe type.
Stalin?
Ive no idea what any of that is about either readers ………
Tombstone, Ive just been to your myspace site.
One fundamental problem I find with anything on myspace is that the site is so jam-packed full of utter shite ads, promos, videos, flashy-flashy look-at-thisy shite, that it takes so long to load a page – that you just give up after about 2 minutes and dont bother.
Its still trying to load … not your fault I know.
But I thought Id pass on this piece of consumer research for future purposes. Use it how you will.
Yes. I am Stalin.
Everybody on here is aware of speak you’re branes on here aren’t you? They’ve got this brilliant bit about complaints sent into the BBC about their programmes:
“The weather presenter was heavily pregnant, which annoyed me immensely. Instead of standing there looking as if she was about to give birth, she should just go home and look after herself. Someone needs to tell her to stop being so silly.”
Best. Complaint. Ever.
It’s a good site that, George. He’s doing well out of it – noticed he wrote an article in liberal toilet paper rag The Guardian the other day.
Tombstone, you’re a nob. Feel free to moderate your own blog how you will, and let others do the same.
You forget, beacuse of WWM’s success, that commenting here is a priviledge, not a right. Take heed.
Dave x
SH: Sorry, who’s he? I thought it was just a blog where people listed their favourite have your say comments.
Dave – why’re you logging in as Napoleon?
I need a holiday. I’m confused.
George – The guy who made Speak Your Branes….
I’m burned out. I need a break.
*jumps out of window*
Sorry – I was going to make a LOL on my blog, after he attacked one of my fans for calling my post, and I quote, ‘great’. As a result, I look like even more of a tit than usual.
SH: Aaah, gotcha. What’s his name?
George:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/aug/16/internet.bbc
Dave – Oh. Right.
*pisses self out of exhaustion*
Woah, bit hostile. When did I say I was trying to fit in? I’m just bored at work, and you guys are more fun to talk to than my retarded colleagues.
Thanks for the Myspace advice but how fast is your internet because it normally works fine, I guess I should get rid of some of that crap anyway.
Plus as I’ve already said I’ve let it go, don’t agree with the hypocrisy, don’t agree with publishing people’s email addresses when you’ve stated you won’t but I really am fine with it all. I assure you I’m not the type to start shit for no reason. No need to mention it further.
And on a more positive note I just read the article about that guy Barry trying to find the name of the song in the behind the scenes feature of The Business, funniest thing I’ve ever read.
Now let’s all hug and I’ll be back Monday to talk shit about crap telly some more.
I never said I don’t publish peoples email addresses, did I?
You should see the Two Pints post… that was a winner.
If people are being annoying I have no qualms about sticking their email up online – you’ve got to use your entire armoury, after all.
That’s not a threat, mind you…
Anyhow, that Tourettes post is ancient. And in some ways regrettable. I may delete it as I see your point. Since then a kind of unspecified code of conduct has come about.
So, like you say, let’s all be nice.
Charlie, as you well know, to a woman, ‘gnnnnrrr’ can mean desire, regret or anger. or all three. Or one, or two of the above, or none. All at the same time.
Also – Barry came back for more – I can’t remember where though.
SH: Good article, that. He seems to love HYS for the same reason I love reading The Mail Online at lunch. Oh, I done a review on an advert. Shall I email it to your usual address?
Didn’t bother reading any of the other posts.
The TV show looks shit (that was already your angle, so I am going along with what you say)
Seems a bit odd they are mid-twenties, if they bonded over Oasis in 1994. More like very late Twenties, early 30’s…
Anyway. It is shit.
Email away George. In fact, do so tonight, it’ll help me out.
Tombstone – More Barry here:
http://watchwithmothers.wordpress.com/2008/05/19/helping-barry/
SH: sent it to the same email I did last time. Hope it’s OK.
Edna – I think you just repeated what I already said. Do you really hoover with no knickers on?
grrrrrr …………..
*Thinks*
What can he mean?
I left the ‘n’ out from the ‘gnnnrr’ deliberately, as I think we can be more informal at this point in our relationship Edna.
Remember I’ve seen you hoovering your front room without knickers and that’s practically marriage where I come from up here in Scotchland.
I’m also playing Strip Alphabet …
You should see me when I get down to my ‘rrr’s’
Well I’m glad all that’s sorted. At the risk of pissing on myself after I’ve had a shower I should point out that it’s not that you have said that you don’t publish people’s email addresses, it’s that when you make a post it says “Mail (will not be published) (required)”. Therefore if you then publish it you must be breaching some kind of rules, I really don’t want to be a twat about how you run the blog but it just really seems unfair to do this, no matter how twatty, chavvy most Two Pints fans are.
*Has another shower as he appears to be covered in piss*