The good ship Blue Peter continues to sail on the perilous seas of the 21st century, despite being the the very definition of ‘anachronism’. Obviously, I haven’t tuned in since the days of Caron Keating (God rest her soul), Yvette Fielding and some bloke called John Leslie… so I’ve no idea if it’s been updated to fit with the times…
Are they still petting dogs on the sofa and making village train stations out of cardboard boxes?
Anyway - the big news is that her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second has invited Peter and his presenters round to her gaff for a cup of tea.
There may even be biscuits.
During the event Her Majesty will recognise four very special Blue Peter viewers, who will be given the surprise of their life when presenters Helen, Joel and Andy turn up at their doorstep and invite them to take tea with The Queen.
They will be presented with a special Jubilee edition of the programme’s highest award, the Gold Blue Peter Badge.
Invited to the tea will be the current presenters Andy Akinwolere, Helen Skelton and Joel Defries, key production staff and a selection of the longest-serving presenters from each of the show’s five decades.
I wonder if Leslie will be invited along? Or Richard ‘rock n’ roll’ Bacon?
Still - you can’t argue with tea at Buckingham Palace. An absolute honour. I hope I get the same treatment when I turn 50. The lucky bastards.
140 Comments
Surely Peter ‘I show my bum for money’ Duncan is worthy of an invite - he actually did the porn, rather than just watched it. That should make for some interesting chat over the Darjeeling.
I’ve never watched BP! Am I somehow incomplete?..
Yes. Yes, you are.
How the hell did you avoid it?
Tea with the Queen, eh? Can’t argue with that.
I’d love to take tea with the Queen and ask her a series of lewd, leading questions.
You do realise that ten more people will watch Blue Peter now?
I knew it…
I spent my childhood and adolescense “abroad. I didn’t even speak any English! Well, it wasn’t “abroad” for me, it was “abroad” for you people. Now it’s also “abroad” for me and I speak some English, albeit grudgingly. You lazy fucks haven’t got the courtesy to make make my life easier and learn the lingo…
I wish I had watched BP, though. I like cardboard and sticky-back plastic…
Konnie Huq was one of my first crushes.
Konnei Huq? Jesus. I got fired up by Janet Ellis.
AND PIQUED’S SO OLD HE WANTED TO FUCK VALERIE SINGLETON.
Konnie Huq’s lovely but I never had a thing for any BP presenter. Probably because my generation got Yvette Fielding, who was like a little long-haired northern boy.
Toothed Varmint. Sticky back TAPE.
What is your mother tongue?
Mikey - they DID use sticky-back plastic. I’m sure they did.
I bet Frank Bough did as well, the kinky beggar. Eh?
I saw that SH.
I was a Janet Ellis fan too even if she did sound like she had a cold 24/7
A Turner was okay in the early days n’ all. There, I said it
OK, tape. You got me. I am still learning the essentials.
It’s Russian.
I’ve seen Konnie Huq in something. Buzzcocks? Could be Buzzcocks. She is frisky.
Although I am SURE I’ve heard the expression “sticky-back plastic”, I am SURE of it. But what do I know, eh?
Turner sucks. Or maybe blows. In any case, I wouldn’t. She strikes me as astringent.
I don’t get this Konnie Huq thing… she looks ill and furious
Simon Groom for me. He built his own dungeon, I heard.
Did anyone see that programme last night about the fuckwit whose eaten nothing but salt n vinegar crisps and cheese for 28 years.
I thought it was maybe dave.
simon groom did have a beautiful pair of knockers though Who:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSO3-jKoRBQ
One of the best clips ever that.
Beautiful.
CM, I saw some of that. I felt really sorry for him you heartless bastard
I had the pleasure of playing football with Dusty Bin performer Peter Duncan once, on 1st division football pitch no-less. Then we got thrown out when my friend streaked in front of a load of boy scouts. Aaaah, good times.
Tea with the queen? It’s not quite a summer-fruits handjob in the royal presence, is it?
What sort of handjob is that? I’ve got a keen interest.
I’m not entirely sure, but I think it counts as one of your five-a-day.
Peter Duncan told me to fuck off when I was 14 after pointing out I could see his clockweights. The twat was chatting up some floozy in a kilt and had his legs apart. She was less than impressed with his retort and walked off.
It’s a badly kept secret it was he who smashed up the Blue Peter garden after the BBC refused to renew his contract.
Vitamin S, I reckon.
I saw Harry Redknapp up close the other day, he has a really squishy face. Nothing to do with Blue Peter, but since you are showing off your brushes with celebs, I coudn’t just sit and take it.
Piqued, I agree. I felt sorry for him too, nice enough guy and it was touching that he got to bond with his kids.
But come on, grated cheddar at the weekends as a special treat? Poor bastard. Seems to have had a happy ending though. I believe he can now eat oatcakes an all.
there was much more going on there than a cheese aversion though.
I was going to review it, but they stretched ten minutes of tv over an hour. isnt it always the way.
SH usually comes in at this point with his stunning celebrity anecdote ….
It’s a badly kept secret it was he who smashed up the Blue Peter garden after the BBC refused to renew his contract.
Are you sure? Garden Nov 1983. Peter Duncan finished in June 1984.
Or are you joking?
Blue Peter garden = Les Ferdinand. I think.
I’ve met Samantha Janus. And Jasmine Lowson.
*wins*
I thought it was that Armando Ianucci who smashed up the Blue Peter garden. With that Peter Baynham. The rascals.
I dunno who Jasmine Lowson is/was. Shit, I am in the wrong place…
Nope
There is a chap who worked in my office whose cousin was his flatmate when it happened. Apparently he got pissed at the studios after shooting and kicked off.
Yes, I’m aware of the dates Mikey. Note ‘renew the contract’ and do the maths
Sir Les said he helped them over the wall. He was joking.
The Blue Peter garden whodunnit seems to attract a lot of suspects. It’s becoming an urban legend.
SH: I was expecting your riveting sue pollard anecdote.
Yes I can see the maths that you are suggesting, however I find it hard to believe that someone could cold heartedly continue their job with the guilt of this hanging over them.
Oh right. Sorry Mingles.
So anyway - a mate of a mate of mine once shagged Su Pollard.
That is the end of the anecdote.
Refer to my earlier story of Peter Duncan telling a 14 year old to ‘fuck off’. It was said very aggressively too hence his intended prey walking off.
Btw, noticed Duncan working for the BBC lately? No, he ‘returned to the stage’ in 1986
Connie Huq is the sister of M.I.A.
A mate of mine once shagged Julia Suwalha twice somewhere in Finsbury park. She left her bra as a memento. He swears.
‘Shagged Sue Pollard’, fucking hell
Fuck in Hell
thanks SH. It gets better every time I hear it.
But didnt you just steal that anecdote from renowned wit and all-round lard-arse peter ustinov?
I vaguely remember seeing him on chat shows as a very small child and, despite the howls of the crowd, I never found him in the least amusing.
But his Pollard anecdote (recounted beautifully word for word above) is his crowning glory. Thank you once again for sharing it with us.
No - that fat bastard nicked it off me.
He was always nicking shit off me - he took a monster munch grab bag off my hands without permission on the set of One Of Our Dinosaurs Is Missing. I’ll never forgive the fat-knacker for that.
Peter Duncan did a documentaryrecently where he travels accross China with his family. I believe he kept his clothes on.
He had a spin off series called “Duncan Dares” and in 20 February 2007 Duncan was awarded the highest Blue Peter Award - The Gold Badge.
Just because he ain’t on at the moment does not signify his guilt.
Alan Fish - that is a lie.
https://www.lovefilm.com/search/overview.html?search_keywords=peter+fenton+Yvette+Duncan
See?
Not an aubergine in sight.
I’m only passing on information Mikey
Only BBC employee could get access to the garden
Duncan dun it
Blue peter hasn’t been good since Tim Vincent left the show. That’s Tim Vincent from children’s ward.
I know who Richard “Dicky” Bacon is, though.
Fish - you know I hate Tim Vincent. You must’ve read it on here last week. And you knew that Konnie/MIA lie would wind me up for no reason at all.
STOP PLAYING WITH MY MIND
I’ve just got in from TESCO’s, and I have to say I find Piqued’s little tale about Peter Duncan highly dubious. Every clown and his dog has ‘owned up’ to doing that shit. It wasn’t that long ago a footballer said he’d done it when he was a kid.
Poppycock, Piqued, POP-EEE-COCK.
Don’t knock the aubergines Nick. That there clip I posted yesterday sends the laydeez wild I tells ya. Wyyyy-uld!
Try it if you ever get a girlfriend.
Les Ferdinand, that was it.
haha LOL Swineshead……but their ares sisters just not in the sense you thought I thought. Think about it. And time Vincent is GOD.
Peter Duncan was in Flash Gordon, wasn’t he? Or was that Simon Groom?
Fish - you’re slowly losing grip on reality.
didnt percy thrower smash up the bluen peter garden looking for smack?
thats the story I heard and believed immediately
The urban myth is Sir Les and Wisey.
I thought Percy called whoever did it a loony? Or a mad bastard, or something? On air, like?
Is there ever going to be an official enquiry? I think we should be reassured.
that was peter duncan napoleon. simon groom was in ‘massive juggs’ a training video about the brewing industry.
its esasy to get the two confused.
BOOM BOOM!
Groom crops up on Countryfile from time to time. He’s a vet now.
napoleon - percy was strung-out remember, not having found any smack or crack or skank or da weed. so hes bound to have been a little disorientated.
Luckily, he scored some amphetamines from Arthur Negus later that afternoon and was as right as rain again almost immediately - going on to dribble shite about his lovely purple-headed begonia as usual.
Basil Brush?????
help …Im stuck in 1973 …. and I like it
Oh come Charlie. This ain’t funny.
speaking of basil brush ( the future mr mingles) does anyone remember lenny the lion. Didnt the guy who had his hand up him have the creepiest face and voice youve ever seen. like a cross between liberace and dennis neilson. and not in a good way.
the first time you say something amusing mIkey, let me know.
dear oh dear , I am getting some flak these days. The trashing of the “Blue Peter Garden” upset me and still does.
I remember Lenny Bennett. He looked a bit like a lion.
Lenny Bruce…
Did he look like a lion? I think he was dead before I was born.
LOL DUnno. Just popped into my head haha.
terry hall he was called. creepy looking fucker. theyre all mental.
Is there such a thing as a normal ventriloquist who wouldnt look out of place in a sex offenders line-up.
remember roger de courcey and that randy id disguised as a fucking bear. what was cute about a randy bear called nookie wanting to shag everything that moved.
LOL? Is that Spanish?
LOL, your funny Napoleon. It means Laff Out Loud on the internet….dunno why haha. It isn’t from spain…don’t think…
Awwwwwww!
I must seize on this ‘LOL’ thing immediately and start employing it everywhere to impress my internet buddies with how ‘with it’ I am.
Thanks Alan. LOL
*kills himself*
NP: LOL came from online game speak, before it was polluted by consoles. If you are in a fast paced action shooting game and one of your team mates blows up an enemies head leaving a trail of blood up the wall the shape of a packer by the time you’ve typed ‘oh mastablasta69, that incident was most humorous’ your face would be blown off. Nowadays, it’s used by lazy internet cretins whose cyber life isn’t at threat.
It means ‘laugh out loud’, eh? Are you sure? Only ‘laugh out loud’ means ‘laugh out loud’, see? That’s why we write it as, ‘laugh out loud’, and not ‘LOL’, yes? Why would you want to write ‘LOL’ when you mean ‘laugh out loud’? I’d stick to ‘laugh out loud’ in future, yes?
George - Whenever I’ve played one of these online shooting things, I don’t thank anyone. Or talk to anyone. Because I’m ungrateful.
‘That’s’, that is. That is.
*retreats back forth*
NP: You miserable old thing. Why wouldn’t you want to talk to a bunch of over excited foul mouthed thirteen year olds?
George - In today’s climate, that kind of behaviour can get a thirty three year old man locked up. If I’m nice to anyone under thirty, they think I’m grooming ‘em. Be a shitbag, that’s my advice.
I’ll bear that in mind. Does that mean I will have to stop hanging around playgrounds with bags of sweets and a French baguette stuffed down my trousers?
People use “lol” when they can’t think of anything else to say.
A particular bug bear of mine is the “nh” = nice hand “ty” = thankls you exchange that idiots use when plying internet poker.
I am quite abusive when it is directed at me
*folds*
Quantum of Solace New TRAILER is out tomorrow. I love James Bond films - the old ones with Madonna in it were rubbish but the new ones are more real like how I imagine the books to be.
It’s cool.
yes I am misspelling wildly as I am doing the multi tasking.
*hits keyboard with fists*
I thought ‘LOL’ was ‘lots of love’ or ‘lots of luck’
Either way it’s fucking shit
Yes the internet acronyms are very tiresome. A couple that particularly rile me are: lmao & rotfl. Ridiculous! Americanisms!
Alan, they may not have informed you at immigration when they let you in, but here in the UK we don’t need to imagine books. You can quite literally just go out and ‘buy’ them. No, I do not jest, young man.
It is, as you rightly say, cool.
They all had a use at one time, now, alas, they don’t. Geek: The West’s last great counter culture.
Its just the internet not real life!! get over it mikey haha….
Isn’t the conversation regarding ‘lol’ about 7 years old now…?
I don’t do it, but it doesn’t annoy me so much.
I do think the web is responsible for the way things are marketed these days though. Stuff like Barclays bank patronising people using informal blurb by their cash machines.
‘Hey! This is a cash machine! You can use it to withdraw money and loads of other cool stuff!’
Pret a Manger do it too. ‘Sorry but we have to add VAT on to your receipt. Yeah - we know - bummer, huh?’
GET LOST.
Swineshead must have been promoted to a job where he actually has to do some work. I suppose it had to happen eventually.
The new Bonds aren’t much like the books, Alan. Bond’s not allowed to slap the shit out of women, smoke or call black people ’sambo’ anymore. Stick with the films.
sorry SH old boy. didnt see you there
SH That pisses me right off too. Our local barclay’s has a sticker on the front door saying ‘through this door walk the loveliest people in the world. And you’re one of them.’
Just to remind everybody, I live in Northampton.
Youre right Napleon - jim davidson would probably be more accurate casting for bond.
The Whitby branch of Barclay’s had the same sticker. And walking under it was a teenage mum shouting ‘COURTNEH! GIT FUCKIN’ BACK ‘ERE NAAAH!’
I’m sure there’s a word for that …
Youre right Napleon - jim davidson would probably be more accurate casting for bond.
That. Would. Fucking. ROCK.
Ha ha I red a extract of it in Enlish literature about oddjob and it was racist. Flemmish was agains blacks it says.
French baguettes, Goerge? In Northampton? French?
You’ve inhaled too much burnt underlay, old son.
Flemmish?
Enlish Literature?
I red a extract of it in Enlish literature about oddjob and it was racist. Flemmish was agains blacks it says?
Haven’t you heard of that mighty literary titan Ian Flemmish, piqued?
‘Diminds R Furever’ is one of the finest spy thrillers ever made. And as for ‘Funndaboll’ … magnifique!
Sadly not NC, no
Is Alan Fish Dave?
Is he? Quite the master of disguise if he is. He’s gone from pasty-skinned dullard to disturbing online vixen to monkey-headed plant life in only two days.
I still don’t know the difference between Davesthermalpants and imtheotherdave.
There isn’t, Swineshead. Look for him next under his new pseudonym - scarletpimperdave.
‘Diminds R Furever’
Thanks for that NC, I just really hurt my fucking back
Glad to be of service, Piqued.
So why does the scarletpimperdave have two different names?
I’m beyond confused - I’m in a state of bewilderment.
WTFBBQ
*barbeques*
Jack Ryder ‘im off Eastenders is going to be a new character in The Archers.
Thank you and goodnight..
Don’t ask me, ask Dave. Dave’s the fella you need to ask. I’d suggest you go and ask him on his blog, if that didn’t mean you had to visit it.
Sod off, Perry. My blog has intrigue and interest. I delight the reader. Yours is all rubbish and about sexism and war.
So that means you won’t be playing my new game then?
Ho ho!
DAVESELECTRICBLANKET.WORDPRESS.COM
‘Finally. A true voice for our times.’ - MOJO
DAVESELECTRICBLANKET.WORDPRESS.COM
“Never heard of it, sorry. Is it something to do with old people?” - MOJO
DAVESELECTRICBLANKET.WORDPRESS.COM
‘He says things that the people don’t want to hear… I think everybody familiar with my work should read this as it explains my ideas with a lot more skill.’ DAVID IRVING
I’ve never said anything on this blog before, but I’ve enjoyed reading it over the last few months. I particularly like the comments sections. They make me laugh out loud. LOL. LOL! etc etc etc…more lazy acronyms….
The main thing that’s struck me is how that young Tombstone fella manages to completely miss the point of every single discussion he decides to venture forth an opinion on. Anyhooo, keep up the good work.
*slinks back under rock*
Ugiene/Ugeine- I haven’t denied the holocaust once, you tit. In actual fact I watched a Hitchcock documentary about it the other night, you arsehole.
“I’ve never said anything on this blog before, but I’ve enjoyed reading it over the last few months. I particularly like the comments sections. They make me laugh out loud. LOL. LOL! etc etc etc…more lazy acronyms….
The main thing that’s struck me is how that young Tombstone fella manages to completely miss the point of every single discussion he decides to venture forth an opinion on. Anyhooo, keep up the good work.
*slinks back under rock*”
Finally someone gets me.
Ugiene/Ugeine- I haven’t denied the holocaust once, you tit. In actual fact I watched a Hitchcock documentary about it the other night, you arsehole.
Good to see my fears you would miss the point and get over sensitive were completely unfounded, then.
Where’s the grayface when you need it?
Wouldn’t it be cool if it turned out that me and Dave were the same schizophrenic person. With a variety of outfits as we trawl the internet losing arguments.
I hope we’re not.
The opposite of cool…
If you’re commenting again, let’s remember that little mantra about thinking before we type, sonny jim. Cool?
Well I wasn’t going to but people have mentioned me like 3 times since I stopped. Could you reinstate my original email address thing and give me a list of groundrules? That would be top banana.
Mentioned you three times in order to take the piss!
You really have zero self-awareness.
No - I can’t reinstate the emails and I’m fucked if I’m going to write you some groundrules, most people can work them out themselves.
For fuck’s sake.
I’ll take that as a ‘Welcome back’ then.
It’s the best you’re going to get.
I just got a swift kick in the nads and en elbow to the face.
Then I count myself lucky. Now to try and comment on The Restaurant without getting kicked out in record time…
Suggest some certain glamour models should die of a nasty illness, they love that shit.
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article4943149.ece