The likes of I’m a Celebrity and Celebrity Big Brother, along with lesser rivals CelebAir and Celebrity Scissorhands, remind us what happens to those washed up once-were-gonna-bes who were once instantly recognisable before fashions and our memories move on.
David VD from this year’s jungle experiment is the perfect example. The man is a bizarre, plasticated nobody who is convinced he’s somebody. His gnashing white teeth and blonde highlights give him the false impression that he still counts. He’s firmly of the impression that it wouldn’t take a forceful nudge, a rummage through wikipedia or a blow to the head for Joe Public to have any recall on who he is. Or was. We had, quite simply, forgotten he existed…
But now we have the internet, IMDB and the aforementioned Wikipedia we are empowered. We CAN find out where these barely remembered TV-folk have got to. We don’t need I’m a Celebrity or any of these piss-poor vehicles - all we need is the power of our memories to recall them and then we can google about instead of doing any work until we have their entire working history before our eyes.
Case Study 1:
Tinker out of Lovejoy
Poor Old Tinker had a sinister face and white hair like an evil gremlin. Whenever he came onscreen, children shrieked and tiny underpants throughout the nation were soiled with screamer-shits and worried piss.
But where is Tinker now?
Just a cursory glance over IMDB shows me that Tinker’s been a busy bastard doing the compulsory stints in Emmerdale, Casualty and The Bill, etc… but was also, presumably, Danny Dyer’s Dad in the Football Factory - literally one of the worst films I’ve seen! Dudley Sutton (that’s his real name) was also Wilfred in Eastenders, latterly. Weirdly, I seem to have blanked this from my mind. He’ll always be Tinker to me.
Let’s have another…
Case Study 2:
Mike bloody Morris
Plucking a name and face from my mind, inexplicably, Mike Morris pops into view. Mike fucking Morris, who I hated as a child with no good reason. Mike Morris, scourge of local news programme Look North, serving Yorkshire and North Lincolnshire with his impotent, bawdy humour. Despicable Mike Morris, later of TVAM, with his strawberry blonde moustache and clearcut homoerotic obsession with Richard Keyes.
Mike Morris made me angry at the world I lived in - he unreasonably became, to my childish eyes, the personifaction of everything shameful there is about being a man. Moustaches, stupid toothy grins and a lack of ability when communicating with women (Christa Ackroyd). He was clearly seething that he’d never attain the popularity of people’s favourite, Harry Gration - who, incidentally, looked just like my Biology teacher, Mr Vickers.
But where’s that evil Mike Morris now?
Apparently he doesn’t work in television any more. Thanks for putting my mind at rest, Digitalspy .
And to finish off:
Case Study 3:
That Ferreira girl out of Eastenders
Remember that really badly written Asian family in Easties? I know - there are a few to choose from in Eastenders’ chequered past. But the daughter in this one looked like she might go quite far. She was good looking and could just about act… so it was weird to see her sink without trace when the family got axed from the show.
Like some guilty internet stalker, I find her immediately via the BBC website. With her real, actual name, I trawl IMDB to see that, shock of shocks, she featured in The Bill after Eastenders - a familiar career curve. Blimey… she was in Bend it like Beckham too…
A look at her personal website reaps no rewards as it’s not been updated since 2007, but IMDB tells me she’s soon to feature in movie Cash & Curry. Check out the website. I think it’s going to be a MUST SEE for 2009.
End of Case Studies
So - if there’s some actor, presenter or pundit you’ve lost track of in the midsts of time, get on the internet, track them down and let us know …
…whatever the bloody hell ever happened to them?
140 Comments
Bloody Mike Morris.
Morning. Anyone about?
Ahh, the site lives… Hope you had a good Friday, Swineshead, coz we certainly didn’t. Worried sick we were, weren’t we?
Anywayyyyy…
Thanks for the Tinker update! Him I know of, I saw him on TV in Lovejoy. The other two - nah, a blank. The girl is good-looking, that’s for sure. Spicy.
I wonder if any of these people trawls internet looking for their names and stumbles across this blog.
You may want to have a trawl through;
http://www2.tv-ark.org.uk/presenters/index.html
It’s a smorgasbord of horrendous blasts from the past.
Oh my… This looks fun, Mr H. But I notice the woman from newsnight among them, Emily (?) Maitliss I think her namу is. She’s not yet obscure. She even had a stalker, I seem to recall reading about it…
A very useful site for research, MR H. Many thanks for that.
I’m currently investigating the whereabouts of Rob ‘Turnabout’ Curling and there is extensive information about this button faced funster on TV Ark. Skill.
Even so, the before and after phots are fun.
I used to get all hot and bothered at the thought of a former BBC Scotland presenter on the news programme, Reporting Scotland. Fiona Henderson her name was, and she looked like the hottest schoolteacher, Ever.
I was most distressed when she vanished from my screen, but thanks to this post, I have discovered that she has moved to Delhi!
Of course, if she thought my pursuit of her over here was bad, she may be regretting it now!
That’ll teach her to run away
Moved to Delhi to escape your advances? Christ, that’s only one step below moving to lesbianism.
I know the girl that was in Children of the New Forest. She’s on tour acting in some devil thing.
What happened to Mr Catchpole him off Ghostbusters or rent a goul or sumink?
The NSPCC took me away to a home on Friday as I had been abandoned.
ABANDONED!
No spelling mistakes form me today as I am at home. Just had my chimneys swept and about to have my cavity wall filled. It’s all go down sarf don’t you know…
If you’re at home you can jolly well look him up yourself, Nick. I think, and this could just be a rumour, that Mr Catchpole (the jester one?) died.
I want to know what the bloody hell happened to that fella wot used to do the weather on that big floating map in Liverpool docks? Eh?
And where the fuck did Wincey Willis disappear of to? EH?
I miss Bob Holness.
You should do a thing about people you thought were dead, but then turn out to still be alive. For instance, I thought Joss Ackland was dead, and then there he is doing a voiceover on an advert this Christmas. I could have sworn he was dead.
Would’ve done that Napoleon, except there aren’t any of those in my mind, sadly.
Apart from the bearded Jester out of Rentaghost - is he dead?
As for Windey and Fred off This Morning, get googling and fill us in on your progress. There’s a prize for the best piece of detective work.
Wincey, not Windey.
I’ll have to start my investigations this afernoon. I’m off into town soon for a suit fitting. I’ll fill you in when I get back.
Suit, is it?
Cripes!
Looks like someone’s due in court.
Or due at a wedding next fucking Sunday in fucking December.
I’ve never been to a wedding service. Receptions I’ve been to, but not a wedding service. Sometime’s it’s good being unpopular.
*reckons he got away with doing a Monday question*
Oh Christ - all quiet again.
I’m guessing Mikey’s not commenting as he’s a Chelsea fan and they got smashed to a pulp by the might of Arsenal yesterday.
I’m bewildered by being asked to do Friday things on a Monday. It’s messing with my mojo and twisting my melons. So am not playing in protest.
*sticks lip out*
I’m afraid I was too busy on Friday watching horror films and eating takeaway food to look at blogs. I’m a bit bored of blogs too, so that didn’t help.
I AM SORY WHO
“Michael Staniforth, who played Timothy Claypole, died in 1987″
But, but he was a ghost…….
Look what we made mummy http://www.pureacoustica.com
‘Cash and Curry’ - Anyone else terrified by the title alone?
“Quiche and Curry” would be even more grim. Or funny. One of the two.
Can’t stop watching The Larry Sanders Show on YouTube (again). It really is the best sitcom ever.
Who watched the new Louis Theroux documentory last night about crime in Philadelphia? I just couldn’t stop comparing it to The Wire…
Hmm…
Football journalists do tend to make a lot of news and comment out of the beautiful game. The recent writings about Wenger and the Arsenal set up is quite frankly laughable. It is very easy from the press box to set an agenda and follow it through. It is easy to comment from the press box and as Cantona said follow the trawler and feed on the sardines. (or something like that). All Arsenal are really missing is a central defender like Campbell and a Viera like figure in midfield to be back right at the top. Looking at the Arsenal team prior to the match yesterday, I thought it was a very strong team.
Arsenal played very well yesterday and Chelsea have lost their early season fluency. However the linesmans decisions at the Matthew Harding end of the ground were wrong. Kalou was onside early on with a clear run at goal and Van Persie was offside for his first goal. That does not however excuse the result when Chelsea failed to really threaten the Arsenal goal in the second half, which is a shame as I wanted to see Almunia in action as apparently he might be a future England goalkeeper!
I guess now the focus will be on Scolari for the next few matches and the journalists will start writing implosion stories at Stamford Bridge. Anyway let’s not forget there are 38 games to play in a domestic season and we are not half way there yet. Jan transfer window should be interesting.
Graceful there Mikey - I bow to your humility.
Have you ever seen footage of Spike Milligan’s ‘Curru and Chips’? Jebus. Makes ‘Love They Neighbour’ look like Sesame Street.
I almost never get Spike Milligan anyway.
I kind of like “The Bed-sitting Room”, though.
scolari is right about the offside but still a win is a win and arsenal (that have not been very impressive this season and in the midst of a civil war if to believe some sources) deserved it. bear in mind they scored all the goals.
Mind you, Do I not like Bendtner’s boots.
Oh yeah, let’s talk about fucking football, shall we?! It gets so little exposure these days…
Sorry, guys, I didn’t mean to shout, it’s just my knee-jerk reaction. By all means, talk. I am in the minority here, I fear.
I’ll get me coat, it’s time.
Do I not like that!: bendtner’s shoes reflects the mindset of a danish “drengeröv”, a scandinavian version of laddism. combine the pink shoes with spiky hairdo, a shirt from a designer label with baggy jeans and cheap jacket and a “hiphop” attitude and you’ve got a bingo.
Just to pick Mikey up on his pink boot point (and sorry TV but it needs saying)… players have been wearing coloured boots for years now. What exactly is the problem with a pair of pink boots?
It’s hilarious how people mock it when it’s probably the most uninteresting thing about Arsenal at the moment. There’s plenty more to mock, forget the boots!
Is it because they’re pink? Is it because football still hasn’t lost its homophobic roots?
Indy’s right though - he is a bit of a mongo.
>Is it because football still hasn’t lost its homophobic roots?
My argument is not with the sentiment but with the semantics of said sentiment (nice, huh?). Is it not true that if something (say, a tree) loses its roots - it dies?
Fair point… football should be a big dead tree.
i still cannot forget and forgive bendtner for the time in champions league when he blocked a perfect shot from going in to the opponents goal. and he is danish.
I love bonfire night.
He also has a mullet.
Well I’ve had my suit fitted. My 34 inch waist denotes that I’m a fat bastard, and my 42 inch chest proves I’m a freak of nature wot’s shaped like a human triangle. Ho hum.
Have you got a blonde mullet to go with those measurements?
So, yeah. Let’s stomp homophobia out of football, therefore cutting off football’s roots and killing it. And burning the corpse. And dancing, and leaping through flames, and pissing on the embers. And burying the ashes. And crying, and laughing, and screaming happily.
I feel so much better now.
Nah. I went and hacked off my hair when I was pissed-up on booze. I now look like a coconut after an emergency rescue haircut courtesy of a horrified Italian barber.
Is it a single-breasted or a double-breasted suit, Napoleon? Do you look like Ace Rothstein or Little Caesar in it - you know, dapper but dangerous?
Sorry TV..
Actually these coloured boots are a bit of a joke. I know i am being a bit anal and old fashioned but the boots should be part of the kit in that all the players wear the same coloured boots. I think it looks silly all these different colours and where will it end? Multi coloured LED flashing monstrosities. The boots should be part of the strip and all the same colour.
********Puts on cardigan and slippers**********
Is there such a thing as a triple breasted jacket?
Or a non-breasted jacket?
TV - It’s single-breasted. With my monstrous haircut, I look like a thug wot’s going up before the beak in the morning in it. I don’t give a shit about this.
Non-breasted - something without lapels, I think. Like Stalin wore, or Blofeld for that matter. Much of a muchness, anyway.
2 or 3 button?
Now I imagine you looking like Vinnie Jones, Napoleon. Are you flattered or appaled by this?
TV - He’s bigger than me. And harder. I wouldn’t want to get into a tussle with Vinnie Jones, as he’d tear my head off … AND THEN ALL YOUR HEADS.
Swineshead - D’ye know, I didn’t even notice the amount o’ buttons?
Football Factory was hilariously bad. Danny always uses it as his point of reference on football factories.
frodo vs mordor fc
You didn’t notice the button count, Nappers?
Cripes!
4 button is overdoing it, 3 is a bit Beatlesy, 2 is proper, 1 is careless.
…Postponed (away win).
You know what they call somebody who knows that much about clothes don’t you SH?
Ugeine - you mean the pink boots insight or the button knowledge?
Button knowledge.
Never worn a school blazer then, Ugeine?
I’ll have to wait until I pick the suit up to see if I’ve committed some kind of button faux-pas.
Not that I’ll give a fuck if I have, like.
I once attended a job interview with a top ad agency and one of the buttons on my three button suit was dangling low on a thread that met the fly on my trousers. I didn’t notice until after the interview and I didn’t get the job.
Anyway - what does that button knowledge make me then, Ugeine?
*cough* Yes I do Jimmy, they call him a grown up.
YOR OUT OF THE WIRE FAN CLUB.
Please send back your BPD badge, tech 9 and plastic heroin vial in the post.
Shits.
What did I do?
On that note - anyone see Louis Theroux last night? Have we mentioned that?
I watched that. North Philadelphia looks like a smashing place to live.
Just to clarify, I was quoting the Wire, rather then calling you a woofter.
It’s alright Ugeine, I’d worked that out.
That fat ginger bloke on Louis Theroux ruined the fun for me. He was like a really annoying cartoon character.
Er, yes, I did mention Louis Theroux… And “The Wire”…
I’m sick of hearing about The Wire. Anyone would think Christ had come back as a gritty American drama series the way folk bang on about it.
That fat ginger bloke was ‘orrible.
I couldn’t determine the fat bloke’s ethic origin, I think he was a Latino, probably…
He looked like an Irishman to me with them big red sideburns.
I’ve just finished watching the 5th season. Talk about cold turkey…
‘Series’, I think you’ll find it’s called over here, TV.
Philadelphia North really looks horrible, a bit like Liverpool, I found.
Next week - Jo’burg. I used to know a girl from there, she was white and from the “good” part of town and she told me that even buses don’t go through some of the “bad” districts.
The fat ginger bloke could only be scotch, surely?
I know how you feel, TV. Thankfully, I was long overdue for a rewatch of The Sopranos. You learn something new everyday from that show.
Series, season… I use the terms without really thinking of their nationality. OK, series then. When in Rome…
He could of been Scotch. I suggested he was Oirish because those ginger bugger’s grips looked like the sort o’ thing you’d find on a leprachaun’s face.
It’s a fair point, but I was watching it thinking he’d have looked good in tghe background of a crowd scene in Braveheart.
I’ve got Oz series (!) 5 and 6 to watch, so I am going to be all-rightish, Ugeine, but still… Oz is good, but The Wire is The Wire.
Sorry, Napoleon, but I do become all misty-eyed about that show. Deservedly, though.
Just changed my language in the book of face to “pirate”
Such fun…..
He was played by Mike Myers in “Goldmember”, if memory serves.
There is an argument for saying that the Wire is better than Jesus.
I like Andre the Giant.
TV - ‘Boon’ was better than ‘The Wire’. As was ‘The Paradise Club’, ‘Lovejoy’ and ‘El Sid’.
On another note entirely - who would play you in a film of your life?
I think that the man for the job in my case is Nigel out of Eastenders.
There’s no argument, ELM (is it OK to call you that?) - The Wire is miles better than Jesus. And Buddha. And Allah.
Er… Should I have said “and Allah”?..
Steve Buscemi would make a great me. More him in the big lebowski then reservoir dogs mind.
Any programme that features Neil Morrissey is not better than the Wire. It’s a default.
Is it El Sid with Charlton Heston?
The Wire and The Sorpanos > organised religion > Cheesestrings > Football Factory.
Except for ‘Boon’, Swineshead. That was much better than this Wire rubbish you lot having been banging on about for months. MUCH BETTER (as was ‘Open All Hours’).
Who would play me in a film? Who’s a famous actor with a big nose and big ears?
TV - That was ‘El Cid’. ‘El Sid’ was a largely-forgotten 80s series starring John Bird and Alfred Molina.
John Denver for me. Only a) - he’s not an actor and b) - he’s dead.
Second choice - Rick Moranis. Actually, he’s not much of an actor and he may be dead too, since I haven’t heard about him in ages. Whatever the bloody hell eve happened to him, eh?
And I’m on topic for once, hurray!
Open All Hours is obviously better than The Wire. To use a phrase I can’t stand, that’s a ‘no brainer’.
Moranis ducked out of acting to care for his dying wife, TV. Bearing that in mind, your previous comments about him make you look like a right royal shitbag.
Thanks, Napoleon. I must look it up for the cast alone. Well, not so much for John Bird, obviously.
I like the one where he asks Granville if there’s any ‘d-d-d-d-d-duur-d-d-durr-d-d-d-d-d-durr-d-double b-barreled b-bog rolls’ in stock.
Royal? I like that. Sounds respectable.
But anyway, whan did that happen with Moranis? Cause he hasn’t acted for years. Is he still caring?
Moranis has always been very caring - he’s the most sensitive lover I’ve…
…oh.
As for Open All Hours - I like the one with the Nurse and the till.
I note Nurse Gladys Emmanuelle has turned up in EastEnders. She’s still go them tits!
Shit - I thought I recognised her… I thought she was Welsh?
Tony’s story in Eastenders continues to rivet me to the sofa.
That last bit was sarcasm, by the way.
Yes. It. Is. Fascinating.
It’s fine to call me ELM. Rather suits me, I think.
Boon was absolutely terrible. Michael Elphick, Gawd rest ‘is soul, couldn’t actually act very well. The only thing worse than a Neil Morrissey performance is a Neil Morrissey performance in which he attempts to perform a Brummie accent. It was on ITV in the 80’s and wasn’t Auf Weidersehen Pet so is, by definition, shite.
And people who don’t like the Wire are either wilfully doing it to be cool or, well, like shows like Lovejoy….
“And people who don’t like the Wire are either wilfully doing it to be cool or, well, like shows like Lovejoy….”
Or just don’t like The Wire, ELM. This happens with every single television programme ever made - you may have noticed?
What’s not to like, though? I’m just trying to understand, not arguing about tastes…
I thought it was yet another boring American drama show. Couldn’t get into it at all. I much preferred Rome, which had plenty of MILF action and blood-letting.
Anyway, I still maintain ‘Boon’ was better. And ‘Minder’. I fucking loved ‘Minder’ (until Dennis Waterman left - then it was shit).
Except ‘Bob’s Full House’ Napoleon, surely?
I liked ‘Bob’s Full House’, as it ‘appens. As well as a love for bad sitcoms, I also have a soft-spot for rubbish 1980s game shows. I was genuinely furious when the buggers cancelled ‘Every Second Counts’.
I used to love “Going for Gold” with Henry Kelly…
‘Going For Gold’ was boring. And unfair. Quite a lot of the contestants couldn’t speak English properly, thus giving UK and Irish contestants an advantage over their European opponents.
Actually, that’s no bad thing. Yes, ‘Going For Gold’ was good.
Did anyone catch Orange Unsigned Acts on T4 sunday morn?
I would write another blog about it but I fear I may end up pushing my keyboard through my monitor.
‘Going For Gold’ was boring. And unfair. Quite a lot of the contestants couldn’t speak English properly, thus giving UK and Irish contestants an advantage over their European opponents.
Actually, that’s no bad thing. Yes, ‘Going For Gold’ was good.
Nick - I didn’t, as I don’t watch children’s television. What was so bad about it?
I couldn’t understand Henry Kelly, so everyone had a headstart on me.
Isn’t that Irishist? He made perfect sense to me on both Going For Gold and Game For A Laugh.
Of course it’s not Irishist. If I’d called him a leprechaun, then maybe.
These 3G phones - does ‘3G’ mean that you can get Going For Gold, Game For a Laugh AND Give Us a Clue on them?
No. Just “Gimme Gimme Gimme” on a loop.
I don’t know what ‘3G’ means as I don’t own a mobile phone. I was led to believe it meant you can get Ceefax on a phone. Is that right?
If you pay for the full deal you get the world service from 7am till 7pm and the shipping forecast thrown in as well.
And you can have pictures of boobs on your phone.
Real boobs? I must say the idea’s starting to sound tempting tempting. If I can have a confirmation that both Ceefax and Teletext are available, I shall buy one of these new-fangled ‘3G’ telephones the next time I venture down to E. G. Butterworth’s Electrical Supplies for some replacement radio valves.
‘Tempting tempting’. Hmmm … now that’s tempting.
Is the long comment I wrote in answer to Naps question going to appear.
It had 2 links on it so I’m assuming it has to get past the WWM link gestapo or equivalent. Took me ages…
Everyone’s going to fuck off home now
Unlike me, I’m already at the home
Pizza for dinner is a very tempting tempting notion. That’s what I’m having. Washed down my throat with R Whites fantastic lemonade. You can’t get a much more English meal than that considering we Brits invented the pizza.
*stares at bleeding fingers*
There’s nowt there for me to approve, Nick.
Sorry, dozed off there.
Wincey Willis has hit the jackpot as Sunday mid-morning presenter on BBC Radio Coventry and Warwickshire.
Hopefully, that will put all you mouthy cretins with your fancy schmancy careers / jobseekers allowances / freelance (unemployable) shenanigans to shame.
Why did T4 annoy you Nick of Tthorpe?
Oof!
More jackpot news.
I’m glad the BBC get all our money for this sort of thing.
And this is dated May 2008;
“Anne Diamond and Nick Owen are to be reunited for a stint on local radio station BBC London’s breakfast show. The pair, who have not worked together since BBC1 daytime show Good Morning … with Anne And Nick in the early 1990s, are also being joined on their BBC London show by former TV-am colleagues Wincey Willis and Lizzie Webb.”
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/may/22/bbc.radio
Mr H - You are an old turd.
Swineshead - I’m having steak for my tea. I love steak - it’s ACE. Even if some lumbering piece of bovine rubbish had to cark it for me to enjoy it. I don’t give a shit about that though. Not if it gets me steak.
Napoleon;
Yes, and me being an old turd merits using up valuable interweb space how?
You do realise that when they shut the place done, due it being full, you’ll be the first one lynched.
A grand choice there, Nappers. Steak is the best of British - a true English delight of a dish. Enjoy that. What will you wash it down with?
Although I do agree about Boon.
That Elphick fella was a proper actor what with drinking 6 pints of spirits a day and dying young.
Perhaps we could set up a fund and try to persuade Brad Pitt, that drinking six pints of spirits a day would turn him into a proper actor.
He seems the sort who would be gullible enough.
Disappeared again!
SW, anything this time?
Mr H - You ancient turd. You’re so old, they’ll find you’re riddled with asbestos when they start demolition of you.
Swineshead - I’ve a fancy wine kicking about in the cellar (cupboard next to the fridge). I might wash it down with that.
English wine, is it? Very good.
Sounds very tempting tempting.
I’m afraid it’s not English. My local Thresher’s doesn’t sell anything English when it comes to wine, the traitors. Now you’ve mentioned English, I may well pop out and get some real ale to wash my steak down with instead. I likes real ale.
I can recommend Doombar for all your real ale needs..
Dudley Sutton does a show at the Edinburgh Fringe every year, and every year I fail to go and see him, because I’m an idiot.
One Trackback
[...] Read Original Article Filed Under: Crime WatchTagged: [...]