Did you see the clip above on the news yesterday?
It made my blood boil with impotent fury.
Acceptance speeches, along with awards shows, are meaningless idiot-parades. Winslet’s Golden Globe means as little to the public at large as the award I gave myself for washing up last night after I tackled a particularly challenging pot. Why should anyone care?
The most grating aspect of any acceptance speech is, of course, the fake-sincerity. And as far as that goes, Winslet delivers a belter. From the expression her face creases into as she walks to the stage (veering between death throes and hyperactive delight), to the squeals of forced delight as she hugs her wealthy husband on the way up.
Then she apologises to the other nominees, forgetting Jolie’s name in the process, hilariously, and everyone chuckles at just how normal she is. Streep looks on, so pleased for Kate, whilst Angelina grits her teeth and crushes Brad Pitt’s fragile hand between her thighs under the tablecloth.
As she tells herself to ‘gather’, twice and then reels off a pre-prepared list of thankyous, the thing that strikes you – and if you’ve ever watched an awards show before, it won’t be the first time – is the arrogant self-importance of it all. As though these awards, or the Oscars for that matter, actually carry any meaning. As if this film is worthwhile simply because a panel of bores thinks it is, rather than the public who largely are yet to even see it.
By the time she’s thanking hair and makeup, you thank Christ she manages to stop herself short. But then she carries on and is licking the boots of Leonardo DiCaprio. Cut to Leo himself, lapping up the praise as a paid-for-patsy tugs him under the table.
In a final incestuous flourish, she thanks her husband (who directed the film)
and, by this point, the one fake tear she managed to prise out of dry tearducts has run down the length of her cheek, so she’s doing that Hollywood motion whereby sobs are produced without the presence of moisture so that it looks like the sobber themself is a mentally challenged toddler.
Can’t we make awards ceremonies less regular? Every five years maybe?
46 Comments
Dreadful. Why have awards at all?
Contestant for funniest facebook group http://apps.facebook.com/causes/23837?m=a3c03490&recruiter_id=13793655&_fb_fromhash=d5c35317cb15064dad5a4f6fc5634011
Started by morons for morons.
Good morning……
Hello?
Mummy?
SH… Gather…
Skins starts again soon, and you know what THAT means.
Um….
YAY! NEW SKINS!
That means an ALL NEW cast!
YAYERS!
Now… gather….
cocks?
How are we all?
I’ve noticed a slight dip in stats after a glorious post-recovery return to form, are we all ok? Anything I need to be aware of?
I would have thought there would have been a deluge (?) what with the ad and all.
Maybe folk are working, fools!
That ad is amusing and I imagine it reached at least a couple of million listeners. So what’s going on, eh?
Dunno, maybe everyone is on Twitter.
“wossy” just had a “cup of tea” and I just “picked my nose”
It’s all go Itell you…..
Interesting line-up for his show next week. Stephen Fry, Lee Evans and Franz Ferdinand (Human League). Very safe.
So he’s back on is he?
Blimey…
Viewing figures will be hhhhugee!
Back on Radio 2 on the saturday too.
Oh God that was awful. I got to 2:10 and was cringing too hard to watch anymore.
I used to like Kate Winslet
New Skins! Cheers for the update Ros! Now I know to ignore C4 in advance.
Award shows, like new year ‘one to watch’ and ‘retrospective’ lists, are probably my least favourite thing ever.
Oh, apart from Skins.
Skins on Four…..
*waits*
Four – Skins
Geddit?
*Gives up*
Four Rizzlas?
Cocks?
Shame, cos she’s my favourite actress, but I believe she’s a ghastly person. She’s like the big needy girl at school. That speech was frightful. I’ve vaguely gone off her now.
Bet you wouldn’t kick ‘er out of bed though, eh?
It’s my fault for watching, I know, but I get most riled when an entire team of anonymous people get up and stand around on the stage. Do they think we give a fuck who they are?
I don’t give a fuck who any of them are….
Nice pair o’ puppies on Winslet, by the way.
That’s not sexist.
I must agree.
“What’s wrong with being sexist” Spinal Tap
I wonder how you’d feel if you stumbled across a forum containing anonymous women commenting on your private parts on the internet.
Actually, don’t answer that.
Happens all the time.
My glorious naked body is in a book, a proper book.
Are you sure you don’t want me to answer that?
Nick – Really?
And by saying ‘really’, that doesn’t mean I want to see your naked body.
Yes – Really
Of course it doesn’t
*winks*
Oh they are working me like a dog today.
O WORKIN NIIIINE TO FIIIIIVE WOT A WAY TO MAKE A LIIIIIVIN
Bye.
Nick – I *really* don’t want to see the pictures – but why is your naked form in a book?
Oh I was young and foolish.
Ever heard of Naked in London?
Thought it would be an experience.
I used to do a little life modeling (little) I was a poor single parent
*Big Issue*
Does my nakedness worry you?
*waggles*
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo – I accidentally looked…
I am not comfortable with any form of nakedness.
What was your caption? I’m not going to guess which one was you in case I offend you.
How did you look?
*Is worried*
Are you in my house?
*Whispers*
She’s in the loft!
Well I think I dun seed it. Naked London by Greg Friedler?
You learn something new every day. *searches amazon for books by Greg Friedler*
*gulp*
*runs home*
Ug, gayer
fuck that. I was s shoo-in for WWM best newcomer until I had to get a fucking job and that scuppered it. more awards I say.
A watch with Mothers award ceremony, that would be interesting.
So what was your caption N? I’m plumping for 4 of 12 ‘Technical Auditor’.
*hides*
Clarry-nope
Erm…
Well the only other chaps are the black cab driver, the acTOR, the recruitment consultant or the accountant. I’d ruled them all out.
Give me a clue. Maybe I can only see a limited selection online.
i really like your blog! you got more blogs? want to trade links with me ?
Camgirl is a dirty internet lady.
I think she likes you….