Bill Turnbull and Sian Williams were trying to survive the sudden blast of snowfall without any guests – apart from Rory Bremner, and he doesn’t really count. They kept having to cut to the weather, which was on every 20 minutes in extended 15 minute blocks, meaning that most of the morning’s scheduling was dedicated to the white stuff. (It’s snowing, apparently).
Bill and Sian were also having to put up with the constant appearance of a bespectacled, unshaven drunk who claimed he was the expert on travel. Except he seemed to know as much as I know about the roads and rail, and was bluffing his way through an extended section because there weren’t any guests to speak to afterwards.
Over on LBC, Ferrari, that portly prick who’s employed solely to stoke the fire in the bellies of the small-minded, seems forlorn. He’s without any health and safety practitioners to berate and hasn’t been able to have a pop at the politically correct gestapo all morning, with his show also focusing on this infernal blank rot falling from the sky. He’s having to talk to the kids who can’t get to school and the commuters freezing outside train stations, when it’s obvious he’d rather be ripping a part traffic wardens and congestion chargers.
I’m going to keep listening, in the hope he blames all this rotten weather on the Poles.
*end of football comment*
120 Comments
I’ve been blithely unaware of all this. Sounds awful.
I just slipped over and fall flat on my back in the middle of Tottenham Court Road. It’s hurty.
fell*
You’re safe SH, thank fuck for that. Christ Moyles (sic) said that London is at a TOTAL STANDSTILL. I’m sending you some Big Soup because you won’t be able to get out for days. Which flavour would you like?
Good old England. Coping with frequent tropical downpours without batting an eyelid, but a foot of snow in Regent’s Park and the whole nation comes to a halt.
well, the World Service were blaming a front over Russia last night,so i bet it is only a matter of time for Ferrari
Just travelled 283 miles to work, largely on foot, and not one schoolchild threw a snowball at me. What’s with the youth of today??? Probably indoors stabbing playstations or summat. They don’t know they’re born.
Sorry to hear of the injuries, John. I trust that as you’ve suffered an injury that wasn’t your fault*, you’ll be seeking no-win, no-fee representation in your impending law suit??
*I assume
I’d assumed JQW was dead… it’s like WWM’s got its own Lazarus.
Send the soup over, Who. Those I leave behind can have it. I’m going out for a snowball fight now. I may be some time.
(Oxtail please)
Our school has closed. I’m not surprised, it’s well snowy and the kids have a matter of feet to walk to school from the estate. Don’t worry spaghetti, the little fuckers here are throwing snowballs and the bigger oafs of secondary school age are already smashing up the snowmen my primary school lot have spent the morning making. Cunts.
Are you all playing in the snow?
I notice that most people in the UK haven’t bothered going to work or school today.
We haven’t even had a flake of snow here. Bah.
It was the first time that i had something to say about a British TV programme as well today, having watched Darwin: the Tree of Life yesterday.
Readers might be interested to know other British cities are available.
I can barely get out of my door up here. I hope to God the Meals on Wheels lady can get through, else I’m fucked.
Will you be off to build snowmen soon too NC?
I imagine you might have been the sort of boy to throw snowballs with an added ’surprise’ in the centre
You’re on the nose there, Mel. Usually I’d put stones in ‘em. Or dog dirts.
And no, I
You’re on the nose there, Mel. Usually I’d put stones in ‘em. Or dog dirts.
And no, I won’t be making a snowman. I’ll be kicking little kids’ snowmen over instead.
Hit the wrong button there.
Chipz – In my day, we’d build the snowmen around a bollard or similar. Then laugh as someone kicked it.
I got told off when I was a kid for making a snowman with a carrot cock and stone balls. Teachers in them days blew everything out of proportion, the paedo scum.
Yes, I was definitely imagining the use of dog dirts in your snowballs Napoleon. And to think, mums always used to warn only about the perils of yellow snow.
Work closed!!
Fantastic, all the chav kids are wandering the streets zombie like as they can’t work out what has happened. Poor sods….
Will spend the day making jingles…..
Oh, ‘morning!!!
Spaghetti, I’ll naturally be seeking compensation from TfL for their lack of buses what I could have been on and not having to walk.
There are builders on Malet Street throwing snowballs at everyone who passes.
Wait – extreme weather conditions, infrastructure collapsed, zombies on the streets?
AWESOME!
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
SNOW DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
I also used to flick fat children with towels, trap guinea pig’s heads in doors and mercilessly pull every pigtail I could get my hands on. I was a right shithead, I was.
Not fair.
I still have to pretend to be working. It is only very cold here.
*sulking*
Stupid dustmen have mucked all my perfect snow up with their big stupid feet. Bet they did it on porpoise.
Not keen on this new beans advert.
Those builders – what scamps! They’ll be demanding tea in a minute.
With the tools at their disposal, think of the giant f***-off snowman they could build…
We’ve got builders round the back of our house, and the buggers haven’t turned up today. Lazy sods. Probably Irish.
Pls describe the beans adverts. We only get adverts about how lekker (sort of delicious) all Dutch products are. This is an obvious lie.
It’s a mish-mash of old beans adverts with a new voiceover, Mel. It’s depressing to see how many you remember – Heinz has reminded me I’m no spring chicken anymore.
the excuse i often use is that they have been re-hashed so many times by those people that make the ‘top 100′ type programmes. I only remember adverts from when the original Charley says adverts were on. the rest have all been falsely implanted in my brain by nostalgia telly
Good old list shows. Who doesn’t want to hear Tony Blackburn’s reminiscences about the Smash adverts? Or what that TRAITOR Leo Sayer has to say about The Brotherhood of Man?
Why is Mr Sayer a traitor? Please list his acts of treason NC
The fucker’s gone and become an Australian citizen, if you bloody please. That’s treason in my book, Mel. They should drag him back to Britain in chains, throw him in the Tower, then gut the bugger at Tyburn.
That’s all well and good NC, but WHAT about my snow? Hmmm?
Leo Sayer broadcast anti-British propoganda on German radio during the war*. He was known as Lord Haw-Haw.
*Not true.
It hardly ever snows in Lincolnshire, Clarry. I always used to get miffed when Britain was buried under a blanket of the stuff, yet Lincolnshire hadn’t seen a bloody drop. Isn’t it something to do with it being sheltered by Yorkshire and Nottinghamshire and shit? Or have I made that up?
But i have another question – did we really want him in the first place? I could understand your ire if it were someone good, like Sir David Attenborough, but Leo Sayer -meh!
Spaggo-Daggo – He did, did he? Bloody typical behaviour, that. And he looks like a clown. And we all know what that means – he’s a paedophile traitor.
Well it’s bloody snowed like mad here since yesterday and isn’t showing any signs of stopping. Work has been cancelled. It does snow here a fair bit, but it doesn’t snow half as much as it used to (that goes for everywhere not just Lincs).
BUT, the perfect snow scene outside my house has been ruined by big stomping feet, and they are still showing up through the new snow. As a bit of an OCDer, that makes me feel a bit on edge…
Mel – You don’t turn tail on your sovereign nation, regardless of how worthless a member of that society you actually are. It’s as if the man’s gone up to the Queen herself and fingered her without permission. Bastard.
OCD’s just an excuse for being a bit of a weirdo spazzer.
I know. I am a weirdo spazzer and no mistake.
But what was he for?
Did he actually have a useful purpose other than to remind people in the early 70s that he felt like dancing?
It doesn’t bloody matter what he was for, Mel. It’s the fact the bastard’s turned round and stuck two fingers up at the land of his birth. That’s bloody unforgivable behaviour in my book. I don’t care how fucking useless you are, you don’t go over to the other side, not when you had the good fortune to be born British.
Frankly, I’d have been just as furious if it’d been Gary Glitter turned traitor.
He demonstrated the folly of white people adopting the afro.
Personally, I think the afro’s a mistake whatever your ethnicity. Who wants to look like a giant microphone? Wallys, that’s who.
So, did anyone else see Darwin: the Tree of Life last night?
i have discovered that the Dutch get the BBC, so went to a friend’s to watch it. I thought it was wonderful, and such a refreshing change from the usual “balance” that the BBC has to demonstrate. Unequivocal in its support of evolution over creationism. Yay BBC.
I didn’t watch that Attenborough thing. Instead I watched that Gordon Ramsey kitchen nightmare thing. It was a bit annoying because I’ve eaten in that Spanish tapas bar, and wasn’t happy to discover the money I forked out was spent on reheated shit that came out of buckets. I wondered why it was so bloody bland.
Oh well, you missed out on a corker. I am (obviously) biased towards the wonders of all things Darwinian, but who better than Attenborough to guide us through his theory and the context of it all? It was class TV i tell you!
Did they fix the tapas bar, or are you sworn never to return?
I’m Darwinned out after watching the Richard Dawkins series on him last year.
They did fix that tapas bar. They got rid of the tapas and the shit local music they used to have on in there, and started doing British fayre. Apparently they do a pie night that looks nice. I like pies, me.
Tapas bars in the UK are unauthentic and complete rip offs.
Fuck me, it’s snowing in Bath.
Unfortunately, i dislike Richard Dawkins on a personal level. He may be correct about many of his stances, and is clearly an excellent hereditary biologist, with a talent for communicating complex subjects in an accessible way, but i think he is snide and as arrogant as Jeremy Paxman. Which is very arrogant.
I think pie night sounds much better than reheated tapas from a bowl any day.
What? Every single one of them? What about ones run by genuine Spaniards?
I prefer the Tom Selleck-alike Robert Winston.
oh i think he is patronising as well, but then i do have biomedical training, and think he oversimplifies.
Ooh, I’m a right mardy cow today.
OK, there are one or two run by genuine Spaniards….and they are better, but still they are too pricy. A Tapas means a cover…to put over your drink. They decided to put a little bit of something on the cover as a gesture. It is still possible to be given a free tapas with each drink you have still in authentic Spain. Indeed there is a bar I have visited a few times where you can drink your beer and get a new tapas with each beer for free. FANTASTICO!
I didn’t realise other people used the word “mardy” too. Very pleased to make your acquaintance!
I think it encapsulates how i feel exactly today. It is a very good descriptor spaghetti.
I liked NC’s use of wally earlier, too. Another one that i hadn’t heard in a while.
I may never work again……
What you mean yoou work now, Nick?
Most of us here pretend to work while mucking about on the internets.
I’ve been pretending to work for fifteen years.
Mel….shhhhhhhh!!!!!
I’m working at home but for my own evil ends.
What actual world domination Nick, or doing something on your “free” day off that you might actually find interesting?
Or maybe just commenting on WWM?
My grandparents’ neighbour was called Wally. In that it was actually his name, not that he was a bit daft. It caused much amusement.
Mel…I used to work in Holland…give me a clue where you are in Holland.
Bloody at work, was hoping I’d get snowed in but this good for nothing bastard snow couldn’t even make my shit old matiz to stop working.
And in other, way more important news (then trifling things such as sub zero armageddon and the question of why we’re here) it’s TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY all day long.
I shall be sitting near my tele for 6 hours, nose against the screen in boyish awe as James Hudderson moves from Norhtfleet to Chester on a free.
What is all this fascination with me and where i work? I think Telemachus keeps asking that too.
If you promise not to stalk me, then i live in the same city as the palace, but not the Royal Family.
What made you go home DINLT? Had you had your fill of krokketjes?
Is Robbie Keane gonna move?
What is Transfer Deadline Day Ugeine?
1244: Busy old Barnsley. They have signed Andranik Teymourian on loan from Fulham and winger Adam Hammill on loan from Liverpool. They signed Michael Misfud from Coventry earlier in the day.
*shits a brick*
IDNLT: I’d imagine it’s a question of Spurs cash, really. Who knows.
Mel – take it as a compliment. Or be afraid. Very afraid. One of the two.
Mel: No idea what Transfer Deadline Day is.
TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY, however, is the last day in the January transfer period where a team can sign a player on a permanent deal (as teams outside the Premiership can still loan players). It’s bigger then Jesus.
O I loved it to be honest, but my contract ended and so moved on. Agreed I won’t stalk you!
It’s these immigrants I blame for this weather. Would we, I wonder, be buried under all this snow if the bloody Poles hadn’t come over here and brought their stinking bloody weather with ‘em? If I had my way, I’d put ‘em all back in the banana boats they arrived in, and tell ‘em to bugger off back to Germany … where they belong!
oh sorry Ugeine, i thought that you were talking about something interesting…
I like living in Holland too DINLT, but i am not so keen on their habit of rolling everything in breadcrumbs and deep frying it.
1254: Portsmouth have signed midfielder Angelos Basinas from AEK Athens on an 18-month contract. Can he help turn around the fortunes at Tony Adams’s struggling side?
If that’s not interesting, then frankly I like been boring.
Hang about, what’s LBC? Lesbian bookcase club? That’s a stupid club, that is.
Last night the BNP’s Simon Darby said: ‘The BNP is technically an ethnic group and, under Section 26 of the Race Relations Act, we would suggest there are grounds that an offence of incitement to commit racial harassment has been committed.’
You couldn’t make it up.
http://www.nicktann.co.uk is what I want to do Clarry
Nice new skin Nick.
Hope that doesn’t make it sound like i am implying you are a lizard…
LBC have no time for Lesbians, Ugeine. They’re too busy verbally skewering the Poles, complaining about the congestion charge and worrying that mutated superskunks are killing their already-at-risk-from-paedophilia kids.
It’s the Daily Mail on local radio. You can probably get it on digital.
Disclaimer:
The Author has the right to be Londoncentric if no other bugger is writing articles for free and for no thanks.
*ahem*
Ugeine – Who’s been racially harrassing the BNP? It’s not these bloody immigrants, is it?
Ah, some kind of right wing shout fest. Though technically what you just said is racist towards racists, SH, according to Simon Darby.
I did a mini review of Darwin: the Tree of Life SH, in the comments. There is another programme on BBC tonight, that i will also be watching. I can review that if you want?
I was writing something, but then got distracted by doing an illustration that absolutely nobody noticed.
So don’t you go lumping me in with the likes of Piqued or that little bastard Ugeine.
Probably the Poles, Uge / Nap.
Clarry – did you really not get the fantastically underwhelming digest on Friday?
By the way, everyone, I just went round Piqued’s missus’ house and he was lolling about watching illegally downloaded films.
I could write a review of this thing I watched on youporn last night.
5,000 words?
Did you build a snowman for him? We can review that if you post pics!
Fair point, Nappers. I did say ‘thanks’, mind you.
Personally, Ugeine, I find the term ‘r*cist’ itself offensive. How dare you group a varied section of society under one offensive and taboo umbrella term?
You white wanker.
He’s not at work, eh? Despite the fact he owns a means of transport that would get him there. What a lazy, skiving bastard he is.
Mel/Uge – you can review stuff if you want, my submissions box is always open to you.
And dripping.
He really is a lazy, skiving bastard – and the fact he’s not about to defend himself makes his actions even more disgusting.
I’m off to the greengrocer’s. If you never hear from me again, it’s because I’ve become trapped in the massive drifts, and have all died and everything. Wish me luck, chaps.
Be careful out there, Nappers.
*straps on kleats*
That sounds like you are channeling Piqued, NC. He has usually made some filthy euphemism by this time of the day, by insinuation if not by actually mentioning phalli
“Skin?” Clarry?
err, that was me, Nick.
Clarry probably has skin too, but i was referring to the new design of your blog.
How can you call the BNP an ethnic group?
Well I’m back, and I’ve only smashed both kneecaps and broken my left wrist. Not a bad result, I reckon.
Siege mentality Ugeine?
Some kind of mentality anyway.
Ugeine – It’s made up of an ethnic group, i.e. white people. I don’t know if that’s what they mean, or if they think being a racist shitbag is separate.
But the thing that ties them is their political leaning. ‘technically’ you could be a British Asian and support the BNP. It’s like saying Littlejohn’s attacks on Guardianistas is inciting racial hatred.
Dos Santos to Portsmouth! Keane’s having a medical at Spurs! *giddy*
I reckon the BNP needs to open itself to other ethnic groups. I’m sure there must be plenty of racist Asians and black fellas and what-have-you. It could be a big, rainbow-coloured, racist love-in of multicultural hatred.
I’d love to see the banners. ‘Get me out of this country!’ ‘I support mothers against my son!’
If they thought about it, they could empty the entire island. I’d end up freezing my arse off in Norway.
Well, just as long as you didn’t renounce your nationality though eh NC?
I’d rather eat my own arsehole, Mel.
Are the SNP Nazis too? The N stands for Nazi and P stands for people.
Is that what it is? The Scotch Nazi Party? You’d have thought the Jocks would have had no truck with that sort of business. The buggers fought like trapped rats in WWII.
Shame on the entire Scotch nation.
I think they went in for the BNP but that wasn’t quite nationalist enough for them.
Well I think it’s a disgrace. You’d have thought the Scotch would have learned their lesson about oppressive regimes. After all, the mighty English have been giving them a regular hammering for hundreds of years.
BECAUSE THEY NEED A BLOODY GOOD HAMMERING.
Spurs are trying a new technique it seems. Sell all your players and then buy them back six months later. Curious.
They should have done it with houses, not players. They’d have made a pile.
Do you think they got confused?
There is no new skin on my blog, Mel (Clarry).
But thanks for looking anyway.
I’ve just been to Portsmouth and back on an errand for Mrs Nick. No fooballers were spotted, or striped.
last time i looked it was black and green, and now it is all blue and white Nick. Are my eyes deceiving me? Or was i looking at a different website?
You are confusing http://www.nicktann.co.uk with http://nicktann.blogspot.com
*is easily confused*
who am i again?