The Tyra Banks franchise’s current series has just reached its sorry end in America, whilst the UK version is finding its fifth’s ‘cycle’s’ feet at present. For some reason, instead of calling them seasons, or series, they refer to every new showing as a ‘cycle’.It’s a weird turn of phrase as there’s nothing rotary about the process. If it was cyclic, surely the models would end up anonymous again, back where they started, come the season finale?
I never did quite understand that.
Watching the British version whilst simultaneously digesting the original has been a disconcerting experience. After so many years, the Americans have evolved theirs into a super-slick, rapid-fire beast in which every non task-based scene is heavily scripted and edited within an inch of its life – and the presence of cameramen in their penthouse in the ‘reality’ sections suggest there are a few prepared lines going on there too. In contrast, the British version is a cheap and frail little runt-sister, desperately trying to emulate its successful sibling and failing time and time again.
So – a closer look at what marks the differences between the UK show and its well-oiled originator. And time to mark them out of ten, because then this piece will at least have some direction.
The Host
As mentioned, Banks heads up the US version. For someone like me who comes to the show blind, only vaguely aware of her persona over the Atlantic, Tyra Banks is simply an infuriating, self-obsessed berk with hair that continues to astonish. Her weave seems to become wavier and wavier as time goes on and by episode ten her wig looks like hawk-wings protruding from her temples, giving her the ethereal, goddess-like frame she desires. And she is actually treated as a deity on the show, blasting out leaden, self-crafted soundbites of pure turd – every one consumed by the starving models as though the word of God was being channeled through a past-it swimsuit model in an overlit studio.
‘Smile with your eyes’ she implores endlessly whilst demonstrating the move, pulling the expression of a cat that’s being rectally examined. USA – 3/10
On our side of the pond, we get off lightly. Lisa Snowdon is irritating, but only in that she attempts to emulate Banks whilst incorporating a matey, ladette-show into the act. The effect, whilst painful to watch, is nowhere near as fist-clenchingly nauseating as Banks’ gurn-show. Snowdon is also adored by the models – but in a bizarrely regal way rather than as an omniscient being. This is just about acceptable. UK – 7/10
The Judges
This ‘cycle’, the UK version has a new recruit in the mind-scarring shape of Louis Mariette. Presumably the producers saw that The X Factor had a ‘Louis’ on board and decided that anybody camp who was named Louis would fit the Louis bill. The problem is that Mariette is as feeble-tongued as he is extravagantly flamboyant. He may walk the walk, in the most camp manner possible, but he can’t ejaculate the kind of bullshit that riddles the Top Model universe. And that’s disastrous for the show.
On the other hand, Huggy Ragnarrson, the ‘top photographer’ (with the tiny ‘folio, going by the same three shots they show weekly) more than makes up for his lack of presence. With her swaying lower jaw that seems to dangle on a hanger below her shrivelled head alongside those dry-pea eyeballs, she looks she’s melting. And she’s a right bitch. UK – 3/10
In the US Banks takes a bit of a backseat and has ‘Miss Jay Alexander’, a tall transvestite with bizarre fashion taste who takes the reins from time to time, showing the girls how to walk – something I learned to do years ago. Another man called Jay, with spiked white hair and a Jack Frost look sometimes assists with photoshoots, posing and slagging people off. Then there’s Brit Nigel Barker, a shaven headed smoothie with a grating transatlantic accent and Paulaskina Popallover, apparently a WORLD famous supermodel according to Banks, except I’ve never heard of her. USA – 5/10
The Contestants
The American models are, for the most part, bloody good looking. Obviously they bitch about one another, fall over and fart like normal girls but, for the most part, they look like proper models. The only glaring problem with the American contestants is that the producers always feel the need to include a misfit, despite the modeling game being essentially an offshoot of the cloning industry. Thus, in earlier series we had plus-sizes included in the mix, which built up to transgendered contestants and, in the most recent series, a heavily scarred girl among the hopefuls. These sob-story contestants rarely get past the eighth week, which somehow makes it even worse. USA – 4/10
There are undoubtedly some very beautiful girls in the UK version, but they more often than not don’t fit the emaciated-equine look that the fashion world demands of its clothes-hangers. Therefore, the majority of the ladies will never be Top Models. Therefore, the whole show is pointless. UK – 2/10
Mise-en-scène
The UK set resembles a smashed New Look warehouse. The lighting is either overbearing or unremittingly dim. Thanks to the camera-work, the girls look either acne-ridden, haggard or green. Their penthouse is shabby. Their photo-shoot sets are always labeled ‘urban’ but look like the scene of any number of sex-crimes. Must try harder. UK – 0/10
Across the pond, the Americans throw a lot more money at their cinematography to the point where everything looks glossy and otherworldly, like some Dollhouse vision of artificial perfection. It’s unnerving watching these hyper-real people interacting in a sterile, sexless environment, but at least they make the effort. USA – 5/10
Dialogue
When it comes to the models, there are few differences between the nonsense that spurts out of either nation’s girls’ mouths. Accusations of racism, bed-theft and ‘not really wanting to win’ are constant and remarkable only in their similarity.
The American judges, however, have the monopoly on criticism and don’t hold back on ejecting brainless ideas on where models went wrong in standing still and looking frosty. ‘You could’ve bent your back to a tighter angle’ they explain. ‘You didn’t smile with your eyes’ they insist – all the while forgetting that the models are working with split-second photography and are actually unable to control their entire bodily movement to the extent that’s demanded. This makes the show highly entertaining. You can visualise stupidity like never before. USA – 7/10
The Brits, in comparison, haven’t got a clue. Snowdon is far too supportive and Louis is all over the shop. He gets his cues wrong, thinks saying ‘fabulous’ a lot will count as a decent summation and trips over his words like a gurgling infant. Huggy is enjoyably negative but barely able to articulate her displeasure because of that aforementioned underbite, wafting loosely around her face like a rotting spectre. UK – 0/10
Prudishness
At last the UK get it right! This season has so far seen the contestants go fully nudey – with boobs and bumcheeks flapping all about the place with abandon. Whether it’s at the penthouse or on a shoot – the fourteen year old boys at home are guaranteed some split-second hand-pumping action at some point. Set this one to record, lads. UK – 6/10
What with America being the nation that promotes chastity whilst simultaneously fetishising cheerleaders, the Producers are all confused and think the humble thong is a must-censor item of clothing. Thus, a beach shoot will involve the blurring of female models’ buttocks as though the very image of them wobbling along will inspire sex-lust in the audience, leading to hairy-palmed viewers, twisted Top Model-themed sex parties and ANTM-inspired rapings. A muddled view of the blameless g-string, you have to say. USA – 0/10
* * *
Final Score!
We’ve deliberated and I think we’ve found the winner.
UK – 18 points
USA – 24 points
Blast!
The Americans have polished this particular turd until it glows gold – and we Brits have a lot of work to do to catch up if we’re ever going to achieve programming as pointless and absurdly entertaining at any point.
Come on Snowdon – get your act together!
169 Comments
Paulina Popallover has now been axed, thank god.
If only the US had kept Janice Dickinson – she was the WORLD’s FIRST supermodel, which is much better than just being WORLD FAMOUS!
i don’t agree with everything here. you’re clearly coming in from the cold to ANTM. the very very cold where there is no Fierce Tyra and Miss J and Mr J are the demi-gods. Nigel is a ‘highly respected fashion photographer’ don’t you know?
Huggy’s top lip is the most interesting thing about her, and that’s because it increasingly looks like taking off her face and establishing a small country of its own. Louis who? he’s moron.
also the BNTM people universally admire porridge-mediocre photos that would get shat on by paulina poroskova (she’s well famous, yeah, wasn’t she in a movie with tom selleck? oooh tom, i would).
THANKS FOR THIS ARTICLE SWINEY, I LOVES YOU.
Hitler was world famous – hasn’t done much for his repuation, eh?
Welcome to WWM Kate – if you’ve not been here before, like. My memory’s terrible.
Breeks – no probs.
I forgot to mention the quality of the photography on the Brit show is absolutely bloody awful, fair point.
Which one is best at taking her top off? I vote for that one.
Thanks for the welcome – read this a lot but can’t believe it was a post about ANTM that made me comment!
And does Lisa Snowdon ever take the photos herself? I think not! Tyra is a photographer too, don’t you know!?
tyra is fierce. you should see some of the weaves from prior series, sh. to be fair, you should really sit and watch cycles 1-11 through. in one go.
cycles is cause, i think, they can start more than 1 per year, as opposed to ’seasons’. geddit?
basically i love antm and i know it’s wrong and i can’t help it. i love it like i love project runway which is at least defendable in terms of allegedly being about talent, not genetics.
Kate – ANTM is as good as any of the other rubbish we post about, I suppose.
Breeks – it’s still definitely not a ‘cycle’ though, is it? They don’t end up back on the street, y’see?
There is no way I’m watching past series back to back, I value what sanity I have left.
Paulaskina Popallover – sounds like some kind of euphamism to me.
Breeks, we have had the cycle discussion before, but it still makes no sense. I think the original producers though it sounded more ‘fashion’, which seems to be a language unto itself.
Does Tyra really take those photos? The bird-nest one of the ET bug-eyed girl was actually pretty good.
I bet she doesn’t really take those photos.
We see her holding a camera. Later on we see photographs. Who are we to challenge the story they’re telling us? I believe everything I see on tv!
Is Jeff Banks in it?
or that red or dead bloke from Big Breakfast?
she does, she does! she takes at least one set every cycle.
maybe it’s cycle like ladies have a cycle.
Nick of the T – I liked that bloke. What was his name? He’s still about. The Lancs man.
Kate – Breeks is clearly delusional regarding Tyra’s photography ’skillz’
Swines – wayne hussey is his name
Breeks, it canot be that, because i bet most of those women don’t have cycles anymore…
Hemingway, not Hussey (he was in The Mission IIRC)
listen, even with my dodgy post-prod skills on the world’s oldest version of photo editor i can make stuff look better. you don’t think tyra retouches them do you?
no!
of course not.
someone else does, for hours. that’s why most of ‘em look good.
speaking of nudity, i was impressed ANTM in the bikini shoot managed to get some properly small bikinis on. there was butt there, too, albeit pixellated. they’re usually prudier about crotchy stuff.
Vacuous shite.
“the bikini shoot managed to get some properly small bikinis on. there was butt there, too, albeit pixellated. they’re usually prudier about crotchy stuff.”
I’ve gone off my pastrami sandwich now.
Dave managed to sum up his own blog in two words there. Unusually succinct.
Breeks – another fair point, the Brit version doesn’t retouch the pics – which is stupid.
Fourstar, you are correct, I am having a goth flash back – it has all gone black!
(think you must’ve reached some kind of record, sh, on tweets today. here’s a trophy).*
* there is no trophy.
Wayne Hussey designs for Red or Dead??
*orders several black hats*
Tyra takes the photos using her bionic implants, these are then uploaded to the hive-mind for analysis. Those not alien-wasp-waisted enough are smothered in royal space wasp jelly and delivered to Tyra’s queen for digestion. Like big brother, but kinder on the ex-contestants.
Yes Swines, he chose the ‘dead’ option…
Can i ask a question of the WWM collective mind?
If one were trying to spoofthe writing style of a certain repulsive, yet oddly popular motoring journo, what would be the thing you would try and concentrate on? Ta
the bubble perm
mel – his jeans and moccasin combo, mostly, and a deliberate, almost napoleon-esque approach to most things ethnic and female.
for a start.
how does one spoof a bubble perm in writing interceptor?
Mel – everyone seems to focus on the way he starts a sentence normally – THEN SHOUTS THE ENDING.
Nappers, i forgot about using him as a role model. Breeks, you may just be a genius.
Again, not really in his columns he doesn’t
OO
OOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOO
OOOO O O OOOOO
OOOO O OOOOO
OOOOOOOO OOO OOOOOOOOO
clarkson twat !!
kinda like that…
except centered obviously…
“So you thought that [insert reasonable assumption here]? Well you’d be wrong. Because [insert ridiculously convoluted and badly thought out suggestion here]”
Repeat.
I love you guys. YOu are all a bit touched (by genius)
Every time I refresh this page the guy behind me gets a glimpse of the top half of Snowdon’s tits.
go on and on about somone with hair just past there ears being girly..
I have the CEO sat behind me, I like to think it adds spice to his day…
I’d love to mount Snowden.
That’s the kind of faultless comedy you’ll get over on my blog of substance, people.
Dave, did you catch my fantastic Bear Grylls gag? Oh, it was wonderful. A delight. So good, in fact, that they deleted the whole post and comments thread it was on.
I did not, fourstar, but I’m certain it was faultless and befitting of the standard found over on…
myopiniononstuff.wordpress.com
mel – he has a thing for will young. go there.
Breeks, thanks. I think I’d better leave (for there) right now
*coat*
mr breeks will be cycling at the top gear track in the v near future. there might be bits of you-know-who left about the place from various road tests (eg: curly tufts, bad jackets, hairy ankles, richard hammond). shall i bring ‘em back?
This season of Britain’s got talent has definitely jumped the shark in terms of self-serving publicity. Sheesh http://uk.tv.yahoo.com/blog/article/185581/
That is kind breeks, but i’d rather you just shot him…
NB Lawyers, this is not incitement, as only clearly very disturbed individualls would take this as an instruction.
so, if you WWM’s went on Britain’s Got Talent (and yes i know, you never would but suspend reality for a second) what’s the story that’d break about your ‘past’, eh?
also big brother soon, eh, what?!
Breeks, I am going to get my BB info on here and not watch a single second of it.
If I were on BGT, i expect that the only skeleton that would tumble out of my closet would be the properly mentle ex boyfriend that tried to kill me once. I also imagine that I would have to ignore him and hope the lies he will tell will all die down. Tomorrow’s chip paper and all that.
ah, your BB approach is the same i take with t’apprentice.
yes, i thought i would borrow it from you. In fact, i will not be reading about BB ion here either.
The Dutch binned their BB years ago, thank god.
not like the georgian one (i think) whose house collapsed in on their fame-hungry fasses.
Did it? wish i had seen that one…
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/8054893.stm
What a disgrace.
I hadn’t noticed this post. Fuck you all for not telling me.
Anyway, the one on the right in the photo. Is she tits-out anywhere on the internet? I NEED to see what her tits look like.
Nappers, swineshead did give the customary new post alert in the comments. Cut the poor guy some slack; he is busy retweeting your former glory.
Afternoon
I’ve never seen either of these programmes. Do you get to see their presumably tiny little tits/nipples?
That theme park sounded ACE. Who wouldn’t want to see a giant rotating vagina on a day out?
..and I’m afraid being elderly I don’t get what twitter is for
I don’t think you’ll have any trouble finding pictures of Snowdon’s norks, Nappers.
Piqued – Welcome back, you bum-brained old cunt. I hope you caught arse worms in Italy.
Hi NC
I’m fine thanks for asking
May I enquire why Napoleon becomes ‘NC’?
Fourstar – My last name’s ‘Cockaparte’. School was hell.
bonjourno piqued.
bellisimo italia?
I hope he’s riddled with arse worms, Breeks.
*crosses fingers*
I’ve heard that ringworms are more contagious nappers. And not actually caused by a worm.
*BTW, that was trivia, I am not wishing it on my fellow WWMers
Righto. NC it is.
What’s the ones you catch from eating that sushi filth? I hope he’s got them as well.
I wonder what Snowdon’s favourite breed of potato is.
Maris Piper?
Lord Snowdon? He’s dead, isn’t he? Do the dead eat potatoes?
Dave – Russet Burbanks (it was in Heat magazine)
Lisa Snowdon’s favourote potato, not Lord Snowdon’s favourite potato.
My favourite potato is the rooster, for the record.
Napoleon’s is probably Saxon,I reckon. Because for him rock music ceased to evolve thirty Earth cycles ago.
‘Saxon is a good all-round potato variety to grow in the vegetable garden,
suitable for mashing, baking or chipping.’
whilst
‘The rooster potato is regarded as an all rounder, and has a very distinctive red skin.’
Tyra wouldn’t touch either.
Dave – Fuck you, you stinking, four-eyed, womanless, socially-unacceptable, ugly, fat BASTARD. You’re so unpleasant to look at, even a lap-dancer would turn your money down.
And anyway, I don’t know what potatoes I like. Potatoes fall into the category of ‘cooking’, and that’s a woman’s department.
What about when they fall into the category of ‘growing’ NC, whose department is that?
Mel – The farmer’s. And then it’s the job of the farmer’s wife to cook ‘em. And get the bloody ironing done. The lazy bitch.
I’ve decided – feminism STINKS. You need your rights taken off you, you pack of ungrateful bloody madams.
eat my skirt, nappers. you need a bit of kitchen discipline, you do.
Where’s that twit Piqued gone?
And how, exactly, do you propose to take our rights from us Napoleon?
Hi Breeks
It was marvellous
Went past and over Lake Garda btw, Venice was beautiful and the food buonissimo
NC. Its a species of taenia. The cisticerci can travel in the bloodstream and usually lodge in the lungs or spleen or liver or even penetrate into the brain and grow cysts and reproduce.
I could cross a lap dancer’s palm with soiled spuds because I have a superior knowledge to potato breeds.
And that makes me social.
Breeks – Balls to you! Great big hairy ones, rubbed in your face. I’d have the vote off your lot for a start. Women don’t know bugger all about politics, and I don’t see why they should have the right to interfere with it.
I’d have all the good-looking ones walking around in the nude, by the way. And that’s not sexist.
Mel – Pass a law, that should do it. The Removal Of All Female Rights Act 2009.
“…you need a bit of kitchen discipline, you do.”
Oh. Excuse me, I’m just popping, er, out.
I can still see no plan as to how you expect to achieve this aim Nappers.
I meant, considering half of the voting populace is, indeed, female, how would that law get passed?
Mel – I’ve just bloody told you. Typical bloody woman – too busy thinking about shoes, were you? Gossiping about celebrities, eh?
Attention span of a fucking goldfish …
Mel – I think that women should be the only sex able to vote. In exchange for tits.
Mel – How would it get passed? You could distract all the birds in Britain by putting a pair of shoes on the telly for a whole day while the vote’s going on. Shoes or some muscles. Your lot like muscles because you’re all incredibly shallow.
Well … apart from Mrs. Thatcher, obviously.
but we’d need someone to work out which ones were good looking and which weren’t-it would be a logistical nightmare- A NIGHTMARE I tell you!!
Dave – Even great big flapping dugs?
tut
*shakes head*
Nappers – DO NOT lump that hussey in with the rest of womankind. I shall be forced to get you prosecuted under the trades description act.
Interceptor – I reckon I could figure it out. I’ve done quite a bit of research into the fairer sex on the internet. Extremely educational, if a bit draining.
Dave – you would be welcome to my tits if it meant that only women got the vote
Each on their own merit, perhaps. But the older gentleman may prefer the flapping dugs and so the owner of said dugs would have thoroughly warranted her vote.
This idea’s better than Marxism.
True- and I have real world logistics expertise in birds n that, moving them about, getting them to do my evil bidding-maybe we should form a conglomorate?
i reckon nappers is giving you some prime soundbites for that there parody you were mentioning earlier, mel.
as for dave and nappers – i’m not playing into your vaseline’d, nail-bitten hands, you scoungey dogs.
Mel – Hussey? How dare you! She was magnificent, d’ye hear? We wouldn’t be in the mess we are now if she was in charge, oh no. You pack of left-wing dullards make me sick. Fuck the lot of you, that’s what I say. I’m going to be laughing my fucking head off when that shower of idiots you support get booted out, and my lot (the Nazis – ©Piqued 2008) get in. Here’s to the Tories!
*raises glass*
ZEIG HEIL!
I know breeks, i am poming them in te name of research.
It is actually a lot harder than i had imagined, writing in the style of someone that you cannot stand.
Wouldn’t it be funny if Thatcher could thatch a roof?
We could call her Thatcher The Thatcher and we could commission a BBC3 show called Thatching with Thatcher!
Of course, we’d cripple her wage with income tax so that, even though she makes roofs, she can’t afford to keep one over her head!
And if the Conserves get in I might have to get a real job!
I’m old enough to remember the last time the tories were in charge-only 4 channels on TV and no videos-and only Roland Rat as ‘entertainment’- dark days my friends..
Dave – I’m not sure she’s capable of doing a roofing job. Hasn’t she gone bonkers?
And no, she wasn’t bonkers before, you set of unpatriotic, Guardian-reading SHITS.
Talking of Wayne Hemmingway (about 3 hours ago) http://www.boscalicious.co.uk/wayne-hemingway-to-design-our-beachfront-i134.html
No, *she* wasn’t bonkers nappers it was the bunch of rabid fawning SCARED little fucktards that she chose to advise her in the cabinet that were bonkers. I wouldn’t put up with the kind of bullying she was supposed to have meted out, let me tell you.
She’s gone senile, yes. But with a bit of prodding with a broom handle I’m sure I could get a good wattle and daub out of her. Even if it kills her.
You could say she’d be killed by labour (Labour).
She had big knockers.
And Fourstar’s a TWAT, by the way.
Would you get her up a ladder? Can the mad climb ladders?
I wonder if Thatcher sees the world like that character in Memento. That’d be cool.
She’ll forget she’s forgotten to climb ladders after a strike of my broom to her hide.
Not up to it today.
zzzzzzzz
Is Memento the stupid one that goes backwards? If it is, it’s stupid. Why can’t they have it going forwards, like normal films? Bloody stupid.
I’d give Clarry’s mum the right to vote!
You’re all too young to remember what the cunt did to this country
Back in my day you could leave the doors unlocked and all the policeman wore wolf fur and carried clubs and went uga uga when you ask for directions to the henge
Piqued, we may all be too young to remember, but the dread effects of what she did still echo throughout the country today (albeit continued and lied about further by the lot that have power now).
*coughs*
I remember Thatcher. She made us fight the Argentinians for corned beef or Belgrano or something.
Shit, I remember Edward Heath!!
I wouldn’t. The woman’s permanently off her head on cooking sherry. She’d end up voting for the BNP by mistake.
Just think what damage a pissed-up Margot Leadbetter in a dirty wedding dress could do, Dave. JUST THINK.
basically no one will ever be any good once in power.
power ultimately corrupts, yeah. just ask hazel.
i take it the interweb totally ate those other two articles, then?
I remember Thatcher, Piqued. Marvellous woman. Gave the unions what for, God bless her. I reckon she’s like a better Jesus.
Anyway, you’re a humourless socialist. Your mob hates Thatcher for the sake of it, you Guradian-reading TWAT.
That’s right – ‘Guradian’! What of it?
*puts up dukes*
To be honest NC, you spell better than they do most of the time
Our Mob hates Thatcher for fraternising with genocidal fucktards, for privatising everything (badly), for the “special relationship” with America being so damn cosy (and thus every subsequent PM thinking they had to stick wth it – fools), oh, and as i recall, she got us into the EC.
I was not especially bothered when she took away my milk. I used to hate that warm, curdling third of a pint daily, and would dread morning break, when it was dished out.
Carol Thatcher is on this week’s The Wright Stuff…..with a black man! Five are playing a high stakes game there.
Dave as she said when that storm in an esspresso cup all erupted – some of her best friends are black. Or maybe that was stuffed toys…
I’ve never read the paper itself, Piqued, as I don’t want the miserable stink of left-wingism on my fingers. I imagine it smells of strikes, British Leyland cars, sideburns, cheap polyester clothes, no electricity and unpleasant swinging parties where you end up with the one that’s got gigantic udders.
Mel – You are, of course, wrong. Is it too strong to compare you to Gary Glitter?
No, I don’t think it is.
You’re like Gary Glitter.
the sunday times is twitty shit. i read it at the in-laws and found it hard not to snort with derision at the sense of entitlement and also at the silly style magazine.
so there.
nappers – when you went to oslo did you also hit up a fjord or two? any tours or ships or basical viking-fights you recommend?
I read The Guardian but skip all the bits about foreign wars and humanitarian bollocks.
G2 is good though.
I am wrong like gary glitter?
I think i will get a t-shirt with that on it.
Show your working Napoleon Cockaparte
Breeks – Fjords? Ships? I got drunk, love. DRUNK! I don’t go on holiday to look at stuff. I go to get drunk.
fair enough, you idiot.
I’ve just had an e-mail come through promising **FREE BACKSIDE SEXX**. Does that mean I get to do the free backside sexx to someone, or am I going to end up with some free sexx up my backside?
I skip the holiday bit out entirely and just go straight for the getting drunk.
You’re a bit stuck on the dusty/dirty wedding dress thing ain’tya Napz, and ole ladies swigging cooking sherry. Is there anything you’d care to share, dear boy? Mebbes it’s the Nappa wot is staggering about his own filthy bedsit, dressed in his dead great-aunt’s cast-offs? Drunk on unhappiness and missed opportunities, and twisted by his own mis-shapen, distorted sexuality? Wasn’t it yer good self who ‘just knew’ that the gay one off the Apprentice was gay? Or was that the other one?
*shines powerful torch in the hapless Napster’s eyes*
noice, noice. good on religion, as usual.
http://www.progressivepuppy.com/the_progressive_puppy/2009/03/vatican-approves-excommunication-of-raped-girls-mother.html
Wow ta Dave!
‘Show your working Napoleon Cockaparte’
Either
a, I’m missing something
b, you’re missing an apostrophe
c/ that was always bollocks
If Jesus was raped in the bible would that mean that God would have to excommunicate himself? I think Jesus could well have been raped by the Romans. They liked bum.
Clarry’s Mam – I didn’t ‘just know’ the gay one was gay. I noticed it on The Daily Mail’s website when I was on there looking for confirmation that this country’s going to hell in a handcart.
Piqued what are you taling about? NC called me wrong, like gary glitter. I asked him to show his working. I missed no apostrophes, nor was it bollocks.
You have to remember that now you are back in the UK people will talk eeengleesh to you.
I thought it was the Ancient Greeks what liked a bit of bum, Dave?
They did, yes. But according to BBC/HBO drama Rome (the show that’s taught me all I know about Rome) teh Romans liked bum – and peaches from the tree.
They all liked it up ‘em Nappers.
Mel – I meant that you’re a kiddly-diddler.
Mel, the answer was ‘a’ then.
There was never any need to be a racist was there?
No.
*runs off*
Indeed NC, and I asked you to demonstrate how you calculated that particular piece of genius.
I still have no idea what piqued is trying to accuse me of.
At least i understand your jibes, even if they are nonsense.
There wasn’t much bumming went on in that Rome series.
*ahem* obviously, those two posts crssed in cyberspace
Also, didn’t jenny eclair ‘out’ Howard on the Yer Fiyered episode she was on ages ago?
Why’s it nonsense. You fiddle with kids, Gary Glitter fiddles with kids. Therefore, you’re like Gary Glitter, see?
What bit of that aren’t you getting, you vile predator?
No actual penetration, no. But the weakly looking servants were all bummed. They spoke about bumming at least twice an episode.
i’ve just completed two really big pieces of work.
shit.
i feel a bit sick now.
Servants = slaves. They weren’t even given a wage for being bummed.
I thought Rolf Harris was splendid on HIGNFU on Friday.
He painted and panted, sang Two Little Boys.
He even got his wobble board out.
Good value is the Rolf
There was that young servant chap what got bummed off of that other servant chap, but I don’t remember anyone else getting bummed. That said, the shepherdess Mark Anthony has a go on may well have got bummed. She certainly didn’t look like she was enjoying herself all that much.
i forgot to share this – seen on a minor main road en route to lake como, taken at about 100km/hr so kudos me for the shot, yeah?
anyway, clearly for good, catholic brides only.
http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t292/breekom/n692250523_6905500_4567804.jpg
I’d like to see Rolf Harris spontaneously burst into flames.
Rolf would take a Roman bumming like a man.
‘humm digga ah digga hum digga ah’
Nap – of course. That’s how you knew.
And Nick of the T – I liked Rolf very much too in HIGNFY – very good value, little in the way of feeling cringey for him, just an entertaining half an hour or so without having my face shouted off.
Goodbye.
Isn’t he a bit old for bumming? It looks like a young man’s sport, does bumming.
See ya mam,
I loved that picture Breeks, and now I’m gong for a beer, cos i am an hour ahead of you lot, innit?
Clarry’s Mam – You can tell you’re old (and alcoholicly insane). Casting aspersions on others’ sexuality in order to belittle them went out with the dinosaurs, you fossilised lunatic.
Anyone think that Hislop was a little “sniffy” about RH?
Hislop’s sniffy about everyone, isn’t he? An uppity sort of character. Posh, too.
Hey, I was just watching Britain’s next top model and I found it even embarassing to watch. Not sure if it’s the girls who are trying to be models without any home education at all, they are mostly not even close to be a model and the way show has been led by Lisa and other redicolous characters. It is just redicolous and think ATM should take the rights away from these people. It’s making Tyra something to be really ashamed of.
Nappers – I’m not trying to BELITTLE you, just to get you to ACCEPT yourself you poor little becloseted thing! HowEVER, I’m fairly certain that tyrannising elderly people with substance abuse problems went out with the bear-baiting, you beard-marrier!
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[...] We’ve deliberated and I think we’ve found the winner.- UK – 18 points- USA – 24 points Source: http://watchwithmothers.net/2009/05/18/americas-vs-britains-next-top-model/ [...]
[...] Final Score! We’ve deliberated and I think we’ve found the winner.- UK – 18 points- USA – 24 points Source: http://watchwithmothers.net/2009/05/18/americas-vs-britains-next-top-model/ [...]