Flicking through the Guardian’s TV and lifestyle command module, The Guide this Saturday, it became noticeable just how much the paper’s taken the social media site Twitter to its editorial heart. Many of the ‘name’ journalists that lurk within are prolific Twitterers, Brooker’s slot was taken that day by a bloke he follows on Twitter (Robert Popper) and it also featured an article about how well Mike Skinner of The Streets treats his fans on Twitter, because he occasionally doles out the odd £100 to beggars. Which seems less like treating fans well and more like patronising the plebeians to me.
But this article and the whole Twitterphile angle of the pamphlet caused me to rush to the computer and take a look at the Twitter habits of the stars. Join me then, as we take a look at the high and low points of Twitter life with television’s best and worst.
Before we do, you’ll see I’ve noted the amount of followers and the number of people they follow. Can we gauge the size of a personality’s stardom from the girth of their follower:following ratio?
I don’t think so. Some stars are more charitable when it comes to following back (at one point Philip Schofield was promising to follow everyone who followed him – an admin task the size of a small planet) and others, presumably, feel they can do without a constant stream of prole-activity across their monitors.
Fair enough.
It gets a bit creepy, however, when TV stars only follow other TV stars. And a ratio of 12 or so followers to thousands following looks a little like the individual concerned has built themselves a rickety pedestal on a virtual tower of Babel – only following people they feel are special enough whilst happy to receive @fawning praise in their replies column.
But that might be a very cynical viewpoint. Who knows what goes on in their @repies column? They might be full of vicious complaints, for all I know.
Personally, I like waves and waves of updates from strangers – so I follow hundreds of people. It’s like standing in a small river, against the tide, as a liquid conveyer belt of oddities sweeps past you – some of which are more than worth plucking out of the rampaging murk. It seems like that’s the point. Information overload, at your convenience, if you will.
But then, I’m something of a proud internet no-mark and have never experienced stalkerish fan behaviour. If I did, I may well opt for the celebrity incest approach. There’s also the Direct Message feature to consider. If you’re not following someone, they can’t get directly in touch with you. So this could simply be self-protection from stars used to abuse.
It’s probably a mixture of these things, in fact.
Anyhow – on with the feature!
Graham Linehan – Following: 476 Followers: 22,391
Linehan’s a bit of an internet-head, by all accounts, and his blog is always a good place for B3ta style chuckles. So it follows that his Tweets and Retweets are usually links to funny or curious things online – and always credited to the source. You can’t argue with that. Always worth a look.
Sample Tweet: CONVINCE your friends that you play the trombone by standing behind a screen and farting into a watering can (via @viz_top_tips)
Philip Schofield – Following: 1,909 Followers: 190,625
It’s impossible to dislike Schofield, isn’t it? I used to like Going Live and can even forgive him the Joseph nonsense. That white hair revelation on top of his head when he returned to our screens only caused him to get even closer to our hearts – so I’ve nothing bad to say about PS. His tweets are harmlessly enjoyable too – mainly replies to fans of his ITV daytime work asking him about his guests.
Sample Tweet: My God Serena is a powerhouse. I think her thighs were engineered by Brunel.
Stephen Fry – Following: 54,873 Followers: 573,822
The old hand of Twitter, Fry has been there from the start and his messages are always written in the rolling, verbose style he is famous for, with the occasional, camp ‘bless you’ aimed at a fan and, more often than not, a defensive line thrown in too.
Sample Tweet: Tho why the Guardian thought to sub the phrase “dock connector API” as “dock connector (API)” I can’t guess. Makes me look a twazzock. Hmph.
Peter Serafinowicz – Following: 212 Followers: 23,737
Serafinowicz uses Twitter to impart tiny witticisms such as ‘He was called The Fonz because of the many fonts he designed – the most famous being Leather Sans’ and silly questions like ‘In personal ads, does anyone ever look for someone with a ‘BSOH’ ?’ so following him is usually amusing. Unless you’re in a terrible mood, in which case he comes across as the always cheerful bastard in the office.
Sample Tweet: TADOL – Typing Abbreviated Description Of Laughter
Richard Herring – Following: 140 Followers: 11,609
Your usual celeb tweeting – ‘On my way to hackney empire for cardboard citizens benefit. Amazing line up!’ etc… occasionally made interesting by jibes at current comedy boyfriend, Andrew Collings.
Sample Tweet: @CollingsA For some reason my computer is censoring you. All I can say is that it has exquisite taste.
Dave Gorman – Following: 420 Followers: 38,568
I quite often get the sense that DG feels the world is against him. I think growing a beard makes a man grumpy. But most of his tweets are affable replies to his followers.
Sample Tweet: Tried watching a bit of Wimbledon.A slo-mo option would make the action more discernible.Also wld make B.Becker sound like A.Schwarzenegger
Sue Perkins - Following: 19 Followers: 1,907
A relative newcomer to Twitter, Perkins’ brand of wit seems perfectly suited to the medium and it’s like you can actually hear her talk in that Light Lunch, slightly mock-patronising tone as she tweets her succinct twits into the ether.
Sample Tweet: He said to wee on your raspberries to stop pests, so I did. Now everything is dead. And yellow.
Davina McCall - Following: 57 Followers: 62,868
Davina occupies a weird position in the celebrity-presenter universe, in that she’s undoubtedly very famous, but is also the fixture-host of a faltering, long-past-it vehicle that cheapens her undeniable abilities. I’m worried about what Davina will find to do with her time after the final season airs. I can picture her arriving at a home for the elderly, long before her time, talking to her fellow inmates as though they’ve just been evicted from the BB house. The fact her nickname is ‘ThisIsDavina’ and all her tweets are about Big Brother only compound this fear.
Sample Tweet: oh yes…..done catch up…tonight was classic BB…can’t WAIT for Halfwits birthday….bet its messy
Fearne Cotton – Following: 57 Followers: 62,868
As you might expect, Cotton’s updates are written in the style of an 18 year old girl, swigging alcopops and having the time of her life. Naturally, there’s nothing wrong with that – but it doesn’t make for very interesting reading.
Sample Tweet: wooo just woke up! HOw did that happen! First day off in ages so it was zzzz catch up time!
Chris Moyles – Following: 21 Followers: 201,631
Just as tediously self-aggrandising and self-satisfied as you might expect. Also talks a lot about how great the food he cooks is and also details his exercise, generally giving the impression that he is constantly torn between wanting to stuff his face and making himself look the way he dreams he looks. The written Chris Moyles is as disappointing as the empty-headed banter on his radio and television efforts.
Sample Tweet: Many people saying that I’m rude for not following them. However on inspection of their profiles, many seem more boring than dead people!
Jonathan Ross – Following: 3,938 Followers: 327,337
Along with Stephen Fry, one of the key celebrities who helped take Twitter overground. Ross comes across as a little bit Smashie and Nicie when discussing his famous pals, but overall you get the impression of a decent family man with a pug, comic-book and movie fixation. Be nice to see a little bit more of that in his TV output as the sleazy–purple-suit-schtick is wearing a bit thin.
Sample Tweet: I love dem pop tarts. Sadly so do the kids. we ration their intake…
* * *
That’s it for now!
Have I missed anyone glaringly obvious? Do share if so. You can’t pay enough attention to the transient outpourings of uninteresting, wealthy people, I find. It’s very important to spend all day reading their burbled and misspelt typings – and then it’s vital to spend all night writing articles about them.
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*end of football comment*
84 Comments
I used to follow Serafinowicz and Linehan but they’re so prolific I can’t keep up with the people I’m more interested in (ie civilians). I had to give them up. The only ‘interesting’ people I follow now are Brooker, Jesse Armstrong (a rare Twitterer), Bill Bailey and Quantick. Oh, and you Mr Swineshead
Does Napoleon Tweet?
By the way, I detest Schofield – awful, shouty man.
He does, BA – last 5 words of the article there…
Here’s fun – Twitter search @ then the Twitter nick of any celeb on there and have fun reading their replies.
Nice way to completely and utterly waste the day.
Most of these people are twats. I’d rather follow Keith Harris, Bernie Clifton, Frank Carson, Gary Wilmott, The Krankies and Russ Abbott.
I fail to see any point in twitter, it just seems like they took facebook and removed everything but the status updates, which tend to be full of mundane shite anyway. Have i missed the point?
Excelsior – Nope. That’s pretty much what it is.
Ah good, I’ve been slighlty afraid that this is the pivotal momement in life, when the modern world leaves me behind.
But now i know that Napps agrees with me i… ohgod
I’d say Facebook is utterly full of mundane shite, and the only vaguely interesting part is the status update. At least – it has the potential to be interesting.
Lost friends’ wedding pics don’t really interest me, so facebook is dull.
Yeah, people you used to know making you their friend, then spamming the news feed with incessant pictures of their horrible lives, is quite annoying. I culled my friend list down to about 60 people and just use it as a way of sending lengthier messages then a txt. So basically email.
Excelsior: It’s what you want it to be. I can be having a conversation with a mate, whilst following a football match, getting tweets when someone updates their blog, seeing live updates on BBC breaking news and hearing about Mike Skinners tour plans. Or not. It’s up to you.
Personally, the celebs don’t really interest me. It doesn’t seem worth sifting through the morass for the odd moment of comedy gold. And someone I know will inevitably re-tweet it anyway
Fourstar – I agree. And watching a live event (Brits, football, NME awards) is very good fun with Twitter burbling away in the background. The Brits in particular was very good fun with constant cynicism and sniping scrolling away on Tweetdeck…
Ghosts from the past get on my fucking nerves. “Well I’m married to Jackie, we have two fabulous kids, take our holidays in southern Italy and next month, I’m being promoted to Junior Senior Under-Manager at Pratt, Spackle and Sputum.”
FUCK OFF.
I agree with fourstar, the celebrity thing seems a bit crap. Someone I follow continuously @replies to celebrities, like some sort of misguided lickspittle, and it looks sad and pathetic. Like autograph hunting for grown ups. Or twats.
Some girl i used to know from school added me on facebook, she has four kids. FOUR! i told her she was a worse then a terrorist and that was the point when i culled all the old orrors from facebook.
Re Twitter – i suppose a live feed of comments when your watching a big event would be fun. I remain to be convinved otherwise though.
i read that. i understood about 40% of it. i fear i’m even older than yooowww.
I started following a few celebs but their endless trash meant that they were culled in a weekly slaughter. Bill Bailey, Alan Carr, Eddie Izzard (suprisingly dull), Russell Brand and Alan Carr. They don’t tweet every 2 minutes and it’s usually entertaining.
There was a great few moments where Robert Webb was arguing with someone on Twitter. Nick Frost (nickjfrost) & Michael Sheen (michaelsheen) are quite amusing.
I like it because it’s just words and no poking. I hate being poked.
Ah there are some celebs over this side of the pond that I follow.
Brent Spiner – Star Trek
Levar Burton – Star Trek
Couple of sports figures (nba, nhl, wwe)
Best ones are probably from Brent Spiner, he’s funny, and he’s very interactive with his fans.
I find the whole Twitter thing utterly hateful. Perhaps it’s because if I did do it would take over my life, or perhaps it’s because it’s yet another bit of technology to get in bed with or perhaps because I think it’s a silly fad that will be dead and buried this time next year.
I mean, what is the point of it?
Hold up, some WWE stars are on Twitter? Who? I may be forced to rethink my celebrity Tweeter hatred.
Is the Caaaaaaaadbury’s Caaaaaaaramel rabbit on Twitter? And does she describe – in monstrously graphic detail – where she likes to shove those Caaaaaadbury’s Caaaaaaaramels?
I don’t really get the point of status updates on that Facebook (which I use to play Scrabble) so it makes sense that I don’t get the point of it on Twitter either.
I’m happy to be a Luddite.
*smiles happily on broken loom*
Five-Centres – There isn’t a point to it. It’s just inane shit. It does, however, usefully point new readers towards your blog.
I had a bit of banter yesterday with Sue Perkins. It’s all in the name of good fun.
Five-Centres… you seem to regard it as an intrusion rather than an enhancement… I find it quite useful.
As fourstar says – it’s many things for many people.
Five-Centres: See my comment above. it’s what you want it to be. Or not.
The open API means it certainly won’t be buried this time next year but it might have tweet-relevant ads on the web-page (meaning most people who don’t already will use a 3rd-party client).
my hamster twitters, and you’ve failed to reference her. bad form.
morning all. i cycled into work today and (i) failed to get killed and (ii) failed to kill anyone. result.
I cycled into work today too Bree. I got told off by a policeman in a car stuck in traffic for cycling on the pavement, I shouted back ‘what you going to do?’ because I’m bloody hard
did you use a unicycle Breeks? that would up the risk factor.
Piqued, the idea of you saying that to a policeman made me laugh my head off.
As if. You wouldn’t mumble boo at the proverbial goose, you big WET!
Up yours! It happened my friend
I was fucking livid, it’s impossible to get over the bridge without using the pavement when it’s gridlocked and really, there was nothing he could do about me being there, nothing.
I SHOUTED it an ‘all.
“did you use a unicycle Breeks?’
whilst playing your ukulele?
I’m going to he cinema tonight. Anyone know if that Red Cliff is any good?
i got told off by a community safety officer for riding on the footpath up the road towards notting hill. i just beamed and said, ‘i’m so lost’ and she patted my shoulder and sent me on my way, muttering slightly about a £30 fine but also wishing me good luck.
crispybits – no, i didn’t. i do have a horn that looks a lot like this, though – http://www.tinyurl.com/lrp7ek – and scared a few hundred people with it. tops.
There are a few WWE superstars on it. I actually am watching last nights RAW. It was comercial free, they gave everyone in Green Bay thier money back. And well Donald Trump is now the “owner” of Monday Night Raw. I would have thought the Donald was going to ruin it, but it’s wrestling whats to ruin?
Except there is one thing that bothers me….they are going to have a celeb on Raw every week to “run” the show. That will be interesting.
As for WWE/Former WWE Stars right now I am following
http://twitter.com/HurricaneHelms
Others pop up I check them as I go along.
http://twitter.com/wwecharacters
What he would have done , Piqued, is put you in a restraint postion and locked you up for a few days, because he felt threatened by you. Don’t you watch the news?
I’m suspicious of Piqued’s supposed bravado. Shouting ‘What are you going to do?’ at a policeman who’s just told you off would usually result in him chasing you down and giving you a severe talking to at the very least.
You’re lying, Piqued.
Ah Bree – the default weapon of the lady – resorting to begging for chivalry. Wish I could use that.
But I don’t have BOOBS.
Five policemen spent half an hour telling a drunk man off outside my flat last night. Seemed a bit much.
That girl with 56 stars on her fass, she finally ‘fessed up that she didn’t fall asleep at all. Basically her dad saw ‘em and went nuts so she told a big fat fib. The ruddy fat fibber
I don’t think Piqued is lying, he’s a bad ass. Have you read his blog? You should, he is baddest of the baddest.
Ps. I am trying hard to not have a smoke today.
it was a lady community safety officer, swineshead. i’m good with all types, me. that and my silky blue dress helped. oh yes.
piqued – i knew it. she’s an idiot, now a badly tattooed one.
James – Your wrestling’s SHIT. Over here we’ve got Mick McManus, Giant Haystacks, Kendo Nagasaki, Big Daddy and ‘Crybaby’ Jim Breaks.
“I don’t think Piqued is lying, he’s a bad ass. Have you read his blog? You should, he is baddest of the baddest.”
*dies laughing*
The cop was stuck in a stationary car and I was on my bicycle. I was as safe as houses. As you’ve already implied, I’m not the sort of chap to take uncalculated risks, so I SHOUTED back at him. So what anyway? It’s hardly the Brinks Mat Robbery is it.
‘Five policemen spent half an hour telling a drunk man off outside my flat last night. Seemed a bit much.’
…and I wasn’t drunk
Piqued – The ‘cop’? Was this on your way to work in south central Los Angeles?
I forgot Piqued cycled to the Bronx to push horse every day – the tough nut.
Napoleon died, too bad… check out this badass
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u-z9YHw-Xk
Nappers – WWE is probably the best produced wrestling in the world. However I would rather watch some of the Luchador wrestling. Fast, high flying, and lots of passion.
*yawns*
Thewre a little music community on the twatter. It gets me a few extra views when I do my Ustream gigs, play gigs on the internets from me ‘ouse like…
The man’s a badass. He knows the secret to successful avoidance of the long arm of the law – a bicycle.
You alright there, Piqued?
I’m guessing this cop-based civil disobedience takes it out of you, eh what?
“WWE is probably the best produced wrestling in the world”
Akin to saying “If your going to GET cancer, melanoma’s probably the one you want”
shall i try yelling at a copper tomorrow, piqued? what’s the best way to go about it?
James – WWE is a pile of shit. Ludicrous steroid freaks covered in baby oil and squeezed into fetishist underpants throwing one another about for the entertainment of a pack of overweight rednecks hollering away in the background like monkeys.
“shall i try yelling at a copper tomorrow, piqued? what’s the best way to go about it?”
The bicycle, Breeks. Scourge of law enforcement agencies across the globe.
i’ll be on a bicycle, nappers, one wiht a big horn and, also, a bike computer which tells me such fun things as how far i’ve ridden and average speeds and stuff. in kilometres, obviously. metric is where it’s at.
..if anyone read the fucking blog these days you’d know that I’m far from alright. I’m bloody knackered beyond words, I’m seeing things
Actually there have been wrestlers who have been fired over drug use recently. Mr Kennedy, and Umaga. They do unscheduled steriod testing just like every other sport in North America. After the steriod use in sports was revealed al over NA, there have been efforts to test and punish offenders.
Is that how you advertise a blog?
I’ve been missing a trick.
P- Dead People?
Breeks – You’ll be alright as long as you stay on the bicycle (computer optional). Indeed, I believe you can commit murder in front of a cop as long as he’s stuck in traffic and you’ve got a pavement to make your escape along.
Piqued’s the new Zorro.
what do you british lot call those straps made of elastic with hooks at the end? i have some of those, i could swing one at any copper i see before making my swift, two-wheeled escape.
I haven’t watch ed wrestling since the days of Jacki Pallow, but your description excites me Naps….
Remeber Naps, James like super heroes and comics and that.
Nick – Does he? I didn’t realise we had children on the site …
*cleans up language for the kiddies*
It’s a fair pint SH, you ask if I’m alright and it’s not as if I don’t supply information on a daily sodding basis
*Whispers*
He’s Canadian….
“It’s a fair pint SH …”
Booze on the bloody brain.
Cycling on the pavement?! Pfft. When the road is gridlocked, I cycle over the roofs of the cars.
GIRL.
I knew a Canadian once. He was insufferably nice. Nicer than those Mormon people you see wandering around with the name tags on.
I’m seeing ‘o’s’ that aren’t there NC
I am old now, I just turned 30 (not as old as Piqued) but getting there.
can you show me how to do that, roszsersszsers?
I read it piqued. Lugging furniture around, driving round London in a darkened van then staying up till stupid o’clock and drinking your body weight in Bacardi Breezers (check this – Ed).
No wonder you’re seeing things.
Breeks – I’d have thought you’d know how to cycle over cars already? Your homeland’s crowning cultural achievement is BMX Bandits, after all.
you forget ‘the delinquent’, nappers, with the inestimable kylie minogue and charlie schaeffer.
no bmx’s in that.
Being Canadian is great we even have our own beer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BRI-A3vakVg
And a couple of others that are good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWDXE9Pbjic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL01SReeOqE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1CwZgb_iAI
And the most insightful thing in the last one. Tribbles were puppets, not real animals.
New post alert!
Breeks – I went to see The Delinquents at the cinema expressly because the marketing promised a fully naked Kylie. I shouldn’t have fucking bothered – the girl looked like something off of The Auschwitz.
NC: You can’t knock The Kylie. That’s the rule. Although I’d like to give it a damn good try.
Fourstar – I can knock who I bloody-well like, thankls very much. The girl looked like a skeleton with a poodle’s haircut. And no tits to speak of neither.
Very nice arse, mind.
Kylie’s a talentless bore, if you ask me.
“Very nice arse, mind.”
Which I would very much like to knock, repeatedly.
“He does, BA – last 5 words of the article there…”
Oh yeah. Durrrr………
Number two in best of the web… ace.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree
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Coincidently, just this morning, I un-followed Chris Moyles before stumbling across this blog entry. Following Moyles for the brief time I’ve been on Twitter has actually put me right off him. I’ve been a fan of his show for years but over the last few months I’ve been finding it increasingly irritating. The first 30 minutes is almost cringeworthy – listening to him drone on about his weight loss efforts and the rest of his team ooh and ahh in the appropriate places, sounding like they’re placating a small petulant child (which, in effect, they are).
His management/the Beeb have been going all out over recent months to humanise him, what with the Mt Kilimanjaro climb and the Who Do You Think You Are episode. However, his Tweets have the opposite effect. He’s not nearly as funny as he thinks he is and he comes across as a boorish, insensitive, bully and altogether unpleasant!
Oops. Spot the donut who copies and pastes from Word…