Oh cripes. Who would you fancy if these two middle aged television heavyweights went head to head, man-on-man?
According to those habitual TV gossips, Digitalspy, old man Jonathan Ross has challenged Graham Norton’s fantastic new Saturday Night entertainment embolism, Totally Saturday, whilst recording his Radio 2 show.
Apparently he said:
“What have we got on TV over the weekend? We had Graham Norton’s Totally Saturday. Well that’s not good enough.
“Poor Graham, I feel for him watching that show. It makes even that series John Barrowman was in look like a work of genius, and I was watching that for all the wrong reasons.”
You can imagine the mischievous chuckle behind his voice as he said it – not that I expect you were listening – the gamesmanship and the potential for sparring. He’s flirting with his nearest challenger in public, bollocks-out, in broad daylight.
What a scamp.
Could the slapdown represent some form of jealousy, now that Norton’s stock is rising? Or is it some bizarre form of mid-life hetero/homosexual cross flirtation?
Only Ross knows.
141 Comments
I hope Harry Hill will referee, while we all nip out to put the kettle on and find the Celebrations.
I expect Ross has never forgiven Norton for appearing in Father Ted. When Ross takes over the world, he’ll have Norton airbrushed out of Father Ted and himself pasted in instead.
Rather than having a fight, perhaps they could combine their DNA, and then fragment into a new set of mini-celebrities.
Somewhat tangentially, the Internet Anagram Server suggests “A Stagnant Major Honors Horn” for jonathanrossgrahamnorton.
I’m baffled by Jonathan Ross’s grip on the BBC. I find their attachment to Graham Norton more understandable. But the person I feel sorriest for in all this is Jack Docherty.
By the way – Anyone know when this week’s Supersizers is going to be shown? I tuned in last night and it was Crimewatch thanks to the stinking tennis going on forever on BBC1.
Never mind Jack Docherty, what about Gordon Kennedy? Those BBC bastards chewed him up and spat him out. I bet he’s in a doorway now, drinking his own piss and eating spiders.
Poor, poor Gordon Kennedy. Perhaps there’s an Absolutely curse.
I suddenly thought of Derek Jameson yesterday – the Mr Ubiquity of 1980s TV. He’s still With Us, but not on the telly any more. Perhaps he’s hanging around the back of Londis with Gordon Kennedy.
There may well be, pilcahrd. I haven’t seen the annoying one who did that spine-curdling schoolgirl character in a long time.
Gordon Kennedy would make a fabulous surgeon on Holby City. I do hope his agent is reading this.
Morwenna Banks? She turned up on Saxondale – she was brilliant as the receptionist.
Ah yes – no Supersizers because of Bloody Murray.
According to Wikipedia, that fount of knowledge, John Sparkes’s current entertainment activities are entirely restricted to Wales. It’s a kind of internal exile.
Oh yes, I’d forgotten that. Still … doesn’t excuse her crimes as that fucking schoolgirl character. Makes me sick just to think of it.
*is sick*
Ross’s “poor Graham” quote looks like an attempt to trash the format while supposedly supporting the presenter. Robert Webb tried the same thing on the Ross show by saying that Big Brother was tawdry while claiming not to mean that Davina was tawdry. But the presenter *is* the show.
Pete Baikie doesn’t seem to be trifficly busy either.
I’ve never understood this weird celebrity niceness game. Webb attacking BB, but making sure to excuse the ringmaster of the whole shitty circus, film stars who spend six weeks at one another’s throats during filming laying on the praise when it comes to press conferences, stars refusing to say on chat shows who is and isn’t a shit … why? If I was a celebrity, I’d merrily dish the dirt on any of these vipers if I worked with ‘em and they turned out to be turds.
You have hit the nail on the head there, they say nothing *bacause* they have to work with them again
*states obvious*
On Topic though, this is classic Ross – belittle something by heaping it with feint praise. He is past his best.
Mel – But that doesn’t make any sense. A lot of these showbiz types are so shallow and egotistical, there’s no way they’d turn down work alongside someone who’d previously badmouthed ‘em. That would be to deny themselves the thing they most crave – being seen and adored by their imbecile fans. I reckon you could teabag Davina’s mother, and she’d still work with you at a later date.
it’s power games though innit? a lot of the worst idiots have powerful production companies (and/or the support of fanatical religions/cults) and that , so the lesser people are afraid to name and shame them for fear of never working again.
Oh, and technically, I couldn’t teabag anyone, so i think i’m safe.
Napoleon – they need to work like anyone else…
So slagging folk off would be ‘anti-networking’.
I used to like the way the Gallaghers were always good for slagging off their perceived enemies.
And Mark E Smith’s never held his tongue, some of his interviews are laugh out loud funny.
Richard Harris spent gawd knows how long slagging off Michael Caine, and he ended up playing Dumbledore.
So you’re all wrong and I’m right.
Morwena Banks had 2 series.
She just isn’t funny
Mark E Smith’s never had a primetime talk show though, Swines. *And* he’s had more people in his band than Macdonald’s.
Balls, Nick. BALLZ
Morwena Banks was brilliant in Absolutely, moreover, a lot of her stuffed has been ripped off -Catherine Tate springs to mind- so by the time the BBC ‘discovered’ her, she was old hat.
Finally, balls
Bloody hell, i didn’t know Morwenna Banks was doing David Baddiel!
I think it works like this: Celeb-A doesn’t slag off Celeb-B because they’re going to be bumping into each other at industry do’s. Celeb-A can diss Celeb-B’s current vehicle because all celebs are more powerful than any production company. Ross saying that Totally Saturday is not very good won’t bar him from any jobs with the people behind the show, who are much more expendable than him.
BTW I may have done Jack Docherty a disservice in suggestion that he was out of the action these days. I’ve just remembered that he produced that (dreadful) sit com by the writers of the (wonderful) Peep Show – that mainstream BBC1 thing with Trigger from Only Fools in it.
And that-thing-by-the-writers-of-peep-show-with-trigger-in-it was credited as a BBC Scotland production, despite being so South East suburbs it could have had Jane Asher in it. (Oh, it *did* have Jane Asher in it.)
And, to loop back to the main thread (a bit), did you know that Ross’s “Film 20xx” is a BBC Scotland production, despite being made *entirely* in… Maida Vale?
Banks and Baddiel – that’s a horrible image.
just not funny therefore not on tv anymore…
Plus MB was in Catterick.
I can’t imagine a more revolting combination than Banks and Baddiel. The thought of those two doin…
*bluergh!*
*wipes mouth*
Pilchard 7, are you on the sniff today?
SNAPSES Pilch
Piqued – Banks was shit on Absolutely. That fucking schoolgirl thing she did was an abomination.
You ball sack.
I was expecting the perennial sexist to pipe up… I know you despise all female comics but even you must see the merit of Dawn French in Psychoville
Ooo, pretty Glasto pics http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/06/glastonbury_2009.html
I don’t despise all female comics, Piqued, thanks very much. And no, I don’t see the merit of Dawn French’s 235th West Country television weirdo, as it ‘appens. Is that the only voice she can do? Y’know? The funny farmer’s wife one?
HA HA Etc.
Piqued – I reckon i’ve asked the readers about a trillion times now, but Psychoville – what do we think?
Discuss
which, BTW is not a very good west cuntry accent, if the VoD is anything to go by.
Clarry – S’alright. I’m glad they’ve resurrected Geoff Tipps as a clown.
I’m enjoying it, it’s no League of Gents but very entertaining.
NC, name one (living) female comic you like
I like that Iranian comedian woman.
Piqued – Sue Perkins.
*wins*
Which show did you enjoy her in NC
Oh, and Psychoville isn’t very good which upsets me because my boxset DVDs look like they’ve been used on a sander to grind down Gillian Mcheath’s facial warts.
Piqued – The Supersizers.
*wins again*
LoG Boxsets.
Right, three coments are enough. I’m off.
*skips away into the distance*
Nappers – i thought that was a food programme of the ‘look what sort of rubbish those funny people from history used to eat, aren’t they grim – teehee’ variety, and not comedy.
I do like her on that comedy programme she does on the radio with punt and dennis though
You’ve named on comic who is far better on the radio than on TV. That’s not enough, I want MORE…
NC – Say the Iranian comic woman. She’s funny.
Mel – It is a food programme, yes. But Piqued’s on about me hating all female comics, not female-fronted comedy shows.
No clues, Dave. He’s already cheated with Google via SH mentioning his conversation with her last week.
“You’ve named on comic who is far better on the radio than on TV. That’s not enough, I want MORE…”
No you don’t. Look:
“NC, name one (living) female comic you like”
I did that. Up there, see?
SH has had a conversation with the Iranian comic woman? Are you sure it wasn’t Omid Djalili in a poorly lit room?
Dave – can you actually already spell Omid Djalili or did you have to look it up?
*is waiting to be impressed*
Sue P wasn’t doing comedy in Supersizers though was she…
You’ve given it away that you don’t find any woman funny at all.
Sorry, Mel. Just noticed you said the same thing earlier
Somebody knows how to spell something using only their minds? Without the use of the internet?
How is that possible?
I can. AND I have seen most of the minor comedians on that new Comedy Roadshow programme because they all practised there material at the Comedy Store on the night I was there!
I deserve a badge.
Well, nappers I am impressed by that, have you not seen the state of my typing?
Although i think this has more to do with the fact that my fingernails are all about three feet long, and not the fact that I am actually illiterate.
Their*
I’ve ruined the moment.
Piqued – You didn’t ask me anything about the Supersizers. You asked me to name one female comic I liked. I did that. You then asked me what I’d enjoyed of hers. I answered that as well. If you require more information, please feel free to elaborate. I’m only answering what you’re asking.
*gets out badge making kit*
Dave is a comedy spelling god
*pulls lever*
Here you go Dave!
*takes back badge*
Dave, you were correct the first time. Tsk.
Oops, wrong there. As you were
I’ll make my own bastard badge. AS I ALWAYS DO!
Also – funny female people – JOSIE LONG.
*wins*
NC, you’re splitting hairs and have answered my question by your skirting round the topic
You’re a sexist disgrace
Mel, even I can’t stand that woman, STOP HELPING HIS CASE
I’m sorry? Am I missing something?
Your original question:
“NC, name one (living) female comic you like”
Answer:
Sue Perkins
Your next question:
“Which show did you enjoy her in NC”
Answer:
The Supersizers
How is that splitting hairs?
Piqued – i hope you are not confusing lovely, sweet, funny Josie Long with horrible, old hat, unfunny Josie Lawrence?
I’m thinking of becoming a stand-up comedian – do you think having a sex change op would improve my chances of success? The top women tennis players do it so why not comedians?
Mel, I was
*ignores Bernard Manning*
Next question nappers – please name one female comic that you have laughed at because of her comedy routine. Maybe that will help to clear things up.
Josie Lawrence should really have stopped after the second series of Whose Line is it Anyway. I know a couple of comics, and she is not a popular lady either.
Lovely sweet Josie Long does kind of surreal stuff. I have follwoed her from almost the start of her career.
Piqued – did you say you were going to have another pop at stand up?
Mel – I saw Donna McPhial’s show in Edinburgh years ago. Laughed at that.
(This doesn’t say much for my tastes, admittedly)
Isn’t Donna McPHail ike the female version of Ed McByrne?
I don’t know, Mel. The stuff I did last year isn’t applicable now for various reasons.
She was very bouncy. Not boob-bouncy. Bouncy-bouncy.
Female comics are awful, to be fair.
Have you ever tried reading Bunty? It’s all about horses, dolls and fashion!
Thank you.
What about Julia Davis? Surely the winner?
Nighty Night, Jam, Human Remains, Big Train…
Julia Davies is quite funny – especially in the sketch where she plays a mentally-handicapped who gets traded to a bloke for sex in return for a house.
NC, I forgotten about her, yes, she was funny before the bloody war
Afternoon, what have I missed?
Sorry if it’s been mentioned already, but I heard that La Roux is the daughter of June Ackland off the Bill. 4* seems to know stuff about her – maybe he can confirm / deny?
Piqued – well good luck if you do go for it again.
Dave, as you have so expertly demonstrated, many men are also shit at comedy.
Piqued – So what? Living. Female. A comic.
*wins yet again*
FM – I’m cooking up a joke about what would have happened if Donny Osmond became big and Michael Jackson ended up doing Joseph the Musical. Haven’t thought of a punch-line yet though.
Crispybits – You’re correct. June off of The Bill was on the Wright Stuff this morning talking about her offspring appearing at Glastonbury.
I like Julia Davis – but she’s an actress (or “actor”) rather than a comic, I think.
Cheers Naps – did she also discuss why her offspring looks a bit like a boy?
NC, she’s not a comic anymore. She’s a jounalist so you don’t win. Look, you’ve answered my question Andy Capp so you can stop now
Dave – “And Donny says, ‘That’s a relief – I thought it was mine!’”
*Note excellent use of punctuation
Crispybits – You mean to tell me that wasn’t a boy?
These modern kids …
Piqued – Fuck off, there’s a good chap.
I know, I do wonder. I think Bowie has been experimenting with time travel and has restarted his music career.
Crispybits: Yes, indeed, she is that. And if you were to buy/download the album you can hear her Dad doing a spoken-word middle-eight in the track ‘Tigerlily’.
Fourstar – who is her dad then?
Apparently nothing is sacred anymore:
http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118005523.html?categoryid=13&cs=1&nid=2562
La Roux is also ginger, which was observed by a lad on YouTube who commented ‘I think ginger hair looks retro!’
Retro to what – The Thracians?
Is it that sergeant bloke off of The Bill? Bob somebody? Or something?
Those Smack the Poney women were funny as were the women in Green Wing. That Tamsin Grieg (?) she’s funny despite being a jebus type
Crisby – they were discussing that over on slashing the seats…
Mel: Elly Jackson’s Dad is Mr. Jackson. HTH.
Nick: I was waiting for someone to mention Green Wing; that was awesome and the ladies were teh funny.
FM – What about Del Toro remaking The Wolf Man?, the BEST WEREWOLF MOVIE EVA MADE!
Oh, sorry Mel, I only have enough time to waste on one non-work related site. Anyway, I’m just helping SH to cross-sell to the other site.
umm, thanks for that Fourstar – I thought there may be a chance he was also a famous.
Tamsin Grieg is also Debbie off of the Archers.
Dave – I don’t really care.
Nice comeback NC
Crispy – no problem, i just considered you might find the review interesting. more being helpful that outraged or anything.
Piqued – I couldn’t be arsed with your illogical shit anymore. Sorry, but there you are.
Why can’t you just admit to not liking female (contemporary, not busman holidaying) comedians? It’s not like you’ve invaded Poland is it?
‘Comedienne’ I meant, SORRY
Whilst we’re in Ambridge ‘Fi’ did you know that Dawn from The Office used to play Hayley?
Piqued – Blah blah blah. I’ve already answered that earlier. Got anything new?
Jesus, it’s too hot for this shit
It’s another comfortably warm day here. Aaaahhh … lovely and comfortable.
No Nick, i did not know that. Well there you go. As a general rule I dont like to know who the actors are, because they never look the same as i imagine them to.
I realise this highlights the fact that i should get out more…
It is too hot, and our aircon is BROKUNNED.
Mel – Nah, it’s comfortably warm.
*is comfortably warm*
blimey – only just checked out that david mitchell link. he looks like that dude from ferris beuller! fancy him even more now… cripes. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1022418/Peep-actor-David-Mitchell-reveals-slimmer–Fat-Pig-night.html
Nap, I gots me tapioca hands agen… :¬(
Poor Clarry. I am sorry, that is all I have. I hope that sympathy heals….
*realises she said cripes*
can i wade in on the funny women debate or has it passed? i liked that sarah wosername what was on have i got news for you last week with mitchell.
i’m not obsessed with mitchell. it just so happens my last two comments were about him. or mentioned him.
*licks david mitchell wall*
Clarry – Does this shit ever go away? I’ve had it permanently for three fucking years now. Just when you think it’s on the wane, here comes the tapioca again! I’m sick of the sight of the damned stuff.
It’s getting your change in shops that annoys me. Holding out a scabby, weeping palm to a clearly disgusted shop assistant.
Madge, have you seen DMs video podcasts?
Very good…
On the subject of La Roux, anyone want to see them for free tomorrow? http://bit.ly/6ebx3
Click link and select admission tickets option.
No thanks!
Apologies. Should have added the disclaimer: apart from Napoleon.
Thanks Mel!
Yes I know what you mean Nap. I got ‘the look’ from a girl on the till yesterday. I could read her thoughts of ‘Ew, I touched money that came from your weeping, scabby hand’.
*realises that I would probably do the same when confronted by someone else’s scabby, weeping hand*
Thanks CD but I’m not in the London.
Joan as Policewoman is (are?) playing in October. Very very good…
Thanks Crispy but I’m playing cricket (unles the rest of my team are going to see La Roux, which is highly possible)
I’m still reeling from the skinny Stephen Fry on Top Gear the other night – now DM has had the porkbuster treatment too. Can we expect a scaled-down James Corden any time soon?
*hopes*
I meant CB, sorry..
I wonder if Stephen Fry and David Mitchell are left with unsightly skin flaps?
THIS TIME BWAYBEEEE I’LL BEEEEE
BULLIT PROOOOOOFED
SH: next single is going to be ‘I’m Not Your Toy’ if you’re interested.
*waits*
I think the hideous Chris Moyles is going to be revealing a new slimline look by the sounds of it.
Clarry, he was claiming to be on a lose weight diet when i last heard him on the radio, which was probably back in the dark ages.
nott:
i saw one ranty one he did for some drink promotion or something. i prefer his ranting as his pieces to camera seem a tad too like he’s reeling it off parrot fashion.
but i’ll give em another go, just for you x
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[...] 7 – Jonathan Ross and Graham Norton battle to the DEATH. Not really to the death. And not really a battle. But still, eh? – Watchwithmothers [...]
[...] 7 – Jonathan Ross and Graham Norton battle to the DEATH. Not really to the death. And not really a battle. But still, eh? – Watchwithmothers [...]