I suffer for this blog. I really do.
I’ve watched every episode of this series since launch and am often at the point of collapse by the time an episode’s credits roll. Even more frustrating is the fact that, if I gave up, threw in the towel and watched something more interesting instead, nobody would care less. It’s probably the TV programme that causes the most indifference in WWMers. You simply couldn’t care less. If I stopped blogging about The Apprentice, I’d get complaints – not because the content was particularly grand, but because people need a place to discuss the previous evening’s viewing – but if I stopped Big Brothering, nobody would even notice. And I can’t say I blame you.
But, perversely, this indifference only drives me on. I keep watching with dry eyes and the occasional trembling lip, muttering about the pointlessness of social interaction and despairing about the old enemy – ‘the youth of today’. But still, I keep at it.
Why?
Big Brother 10 is almost a month old and after four weeks it’s becoming clear that any sparkle it may have intermittently fizzed with has long since dulled. Despite Freddie remaining a curious character, despite Siavash turning out to be quite a charming, decent bloke and even though the porn star Scots girl is becoming weirdly attractive the more I see her, the show’s long since lost any drama. As Lennon once sang – Long, Long, Long.
I don’t ever watch it when it goes out any more. I watch it in ten minute bursts whilst distractedly reading the paper, eating lunch or clipping my hideous fingernails. If I had a TV in the WC, I’d probably sneak my watching in whilst taking my daily dump. Allowing my eyes to glance over it as my puny intellect steadfastly refuses to absorb any of the material within, in much the same way it reacts when I pick up and scan the copy of Grazia that regularly sits beside the cistern. It’s just words and pictures, and none of them connect.
I started this article about to watch Monday night’s Big Brother with a blank page in front of me, waiting for a vaguely amusing snippet of dialogue to hone in on and separate from the babble, so that we could mock it in the comments in our usual, unfair but chucklesome and carefree way. But there wasn’t anything there. In fact, there wasn’t anything there. Despite the fact two housemates retched a lot eating 1,000 year old duck eggs, despite the fact there was an egg and spoon race and despite the fact the feisty Noirin was dressed as a schoolgirl, there was nothing of any interest in the show. Not even the outright stupidity and ignorance I can usually count on. Not even that.
Of course, by the time you’ve read this, Tuesday night’s episode will have gone out and will probably have contained seething racism, brutal violence, endless nudity, casual sex and the show’s first suicide. Them’s the breaks.
In actual fact, I predict it contained a semi-argument regarding the washing of dishes, someone getting moody about others speaking after lights out and discussion over the best use of the token allowance. But it’s not worth asking you lot, as you clearly won’t have watched it.*
*Apart from Clarry - and maybe her Mam. And her Mam's sister.
80 Comments
Nope, didn’t watch it. I watched Holby and then had a bath.
Big Brother?….. Big Brother… Big Brother… Nope can’t say I have any idea what you’re talking about. Looks to me that the wheels have finally fallen off this well-past-its-sell-by-date mongfest. At last. And thank fuck. Now can we please never have to hear about it again.
Can’t we just leave the current housemates in there? Like, forever? That would be awesome. No need to broadcast it, just as a warning to future generations.
How can it be a warning if nobody’s broadcasting it?
Because we would pass it on to our offspring through word of mouth.
“Eat your greens or we’ll send you to … The Big Brother House”
*furiously eats greens*
Is ANYONE watching Big Brother? I haven’t even heard a single person at work mention it.
Didn’t we have a discussion last year about how great it would be if they walked out of the house and only about 3 people had bothered to turn up to see them?
Oh, I see. A folk legend from The Dayes of Yon, eh?
Yes, I’d threaten kids with that.
Actually, I’d just belt the little bastards.
I didn’t realise it was still on.
Is Nasty Nick still in it?
Give it up Swineshead, give it up for the good of your immortal soul.
Can i just mention the stunning (as in stuned by being hit in the face) facial hair that person on the left has. Like something out of planet of the apes.
Oh, and the one on the right looks like he is “doing a Darius” and singing hit me baby in a weird and noodly way.
No-one’s on board with this one, are they?
BBC4 is my favourite channel these days. This week, a gripping 3-parter on The Secret Life of the Airport. The triumphant sequel to last year’s epic trilogy ‘The Secret Life of the Motorway’.
Very educational.
I only saw one of the aiport ones but the motorway ones were great.
OP – I watched something on BBC4 the other day.
Or was it that fancy Channel 4 one?
What’s the fancy Channel 4 channel Napoleon? I get 4 and 4 + 1 which is the same shit an hour later.
They get Phillip Glenister to narrate these motorway and airport programmes. He’s good. I hope they do one on Shipbuilding, then Trains and so on.
Then I can continue to berate the British Government for LETTING IT ALL SLIP AWAY
OP
*whispers*
(Thatcher)
please stop watching this shite
I don’t care if BB10 is shit – I still watch it, as I get some weird sort of satisfaction from it. I kinda makes me think ‘I AM normal afterall!’
Keep going SH! I’ll talk about BB on here, but haven’t done much, coz I didn’t think anyone else was interested.
*knows nobody is interested*
Hi CM – NO, never!
and Wilson, Heath, Callaghan, Nick. They are all culpable. Along with some union leaders, many foreigners, most civil servants and all bankers.
Captains of Industry MY ARSE. Batting for Britain BOLLOCKS. The White Heat of Technology WANK.
Now that’s done it, I need my pills.
*Nurse!. N-U-R-S-E!!*
Clarry, watching BB isn’t normal….
And Beeching OP….
*shouts from padded cell*
THAT BASTARD SHOULD HAVE BEEN TIED TO THE LINE
I’ll have to go now Nick, they’ve shot me with a tranquilliser dart and the medication is kicking in.
*struggles with straitjacket and dozes off. Dribbles a bit*
I have heard that they may be re opening some of the old lines.
Could be a nice suprise for all those folk who now live in some of the old stations….
Morning all!
Mainly occupied by civil servants, bankers and politicians I expect. Possibly some foreigners and union leaders.
I hope it happens, and soon.
Yeah morning Swineshead
*moves aside*
Yes it is normal. I like BB as i’m nosey and I like to see what other people get up to and watch the relationships (non-sexy ones) develop. There’s nowt wrong with BB if you watch for what it is, a light bit of fluff, and don’t get yourself over-committed.
I have it on as I drift off to sleep each evening, and that is all. I don’t follow it slavishly, watching live streaming 24 hours a day (I don’t think they do that any more though) and every spin-off programme.
I don’t have time-warp telly, so I watch things when they are actually on. I think this is how telly should be viewed as if you miss it you miss it. TOUGH SHIT. Your new fandangled telly means you have all these trillions of progs saved and you inevitably fall behind, having more and more tv to catch up on, and whilst watching the recorded things you miss more things that are on, and so it continues ad infinitum. As a result viewing becomes a chore.
Do you like steam trains OP? Mr Clarry is obsessed with ‘em.
Yes Clarry, sure do.
*makes steam train noises whilst shunting round the office, pistoning arms. Gets carted off – again!*
Jeeeesus Clarry, digital telly recording is nothing to be afraid of. It liberates you from scheduled tyranny.
Get with the program (or don’t, cos you recorded it and can get with it when you want) you luddite.
I’ve just heard ‘Doctor Beat’ by Gloria Estefan & The Miami Sound-Machine.
And these kids think the ’80s were great …
I only have five channels, and none of this crazy time-travelling-watch-what-you-want-when-you-want NONSENSES.
Oh, new series of Skins tonight. On Channel 4, THANK THE LORD (as I no longer have E4…)
*awaits barrage of condemnation for watching Skins*
Ha ha OP! That made me do a loud, snorting chuckle. Boys eh?
Soz Excelsior! – i’m not against it, but I prefer telly how it used to be. Gone are the days that everyone watched what was on telly last night and then discussed it at work/on a blog the next day. Every time I watch something that I love I have to wait until everyone else has caught up with it so as not to spoil it for them. Know what I mean? This is also why viewing figures are shit these days. Too many channels + too much choice + too many repeats x sky plussing = too much hassle
*is acutely aware that this also happened with the invention of video recorders, but it was a bit more limited than the sky plus thingamyjiggy*
Roszzzzzzzsszszszsz
I was an avid fan of the original Skins, but i managed all of 5 minutes with the new bunch before putting my fist through the telly and sending The Youth of Today the bill.
And they seem to have given that orrible “wiser then her years” effy girl a bigger role, when what she actually needed was taking round the back of the set and shooting.
What she actually needed was taking round the back.
I’m with you on to many channels actually. All of sky is bollocks, bbc 4 is good, but could probably be merged with bbc 2 without a loss of good programing. The occasional worthwhile bit of more4 could easily be fitted onto channel 4.
Film4 for being on freeview now is awesome.
You can have the corpse afterwards F*
But Clarry, doesn’t it mean that you can watch what you want when you want?
For instance, last night I had to varnish our kitchen table. It absolutely had to be done then as I am out tonight playing cricket and the kids are then at home on Thursdays. Had there been anything worth watching on any of the channels on my tellybox, I could have recorded it and watched it when I had finished my chore (as it happens, there wasn’t, but still…)
Is this new Skins or the one that I recorded about three months ago from E4/More4 and haven’t seen…
…not that I will ever find the time to watch 8 hours of it (so actually Clarry you are probably right about Sky+ so you win)
Clarry – Too much choice? You clearly haven’t got digital TV, have you. The ‘choice’ is between the five terrestrial channels and 500 other ones showing virtually nothing but repeats, ‘lifestyle’ shows, knuckle-dragging American documentaries or unwatchable claptrap such as E4 or BBC3. Some fucking choice.
Thats the one F*
(and actually Clarry, i missed out on the first series of The Wire cos i recorded most of it and couldn’t be arsed to watch it so double win, you BITCH)
Digital is worth it for BBC4 and the odd movie on Film4 or ITV4
4 is the the number, though Dave is quite good
Something i object to about all this chatter regarding the adoption of new technology is that I have a perfectly good TV and related gubbins, so I don’t actually want to go out and splash a load more money on audio visual equipment when i don’t really need it. Also, I have I-player and whatnot, so am still not convinced that i need it…
On a different note – Yay I am sailing (tomorrow) I am sailing (tomorrow)
*does little happy dance*
http://www.crap.fi/?i=5844
lest ye forget
I’ve heard drowning’s a vile way to go …
dammit piqued, you have to go and spoil my fun!
Then there’s the sharks…
I heard the opposite NC, apparently it hurts and then it’s euphoric -that’s what survivors have said anyway. I don’t want to find out.
What, Mel… What?
Piqued – Well, i have one of those screwdriver sets, like the one you have linked to. I was looking to insert it into a pen1s somewhere, but have yet to find the right one. Now your link tells me not to. (Please read this in sarcastic font)
To the rest of you – lalalalala i would rather drown in the med than get bored to death in my office. And as well as sharks, i am going to see dolphins and other stuff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_Hdkt-Vc34
That’s what everyone enjoys citing when dissing The Big Brother Show.
It’s the hurting bit I don’t fancy, Piqued. I’ll avoid sailing, I think.
Soz – nipped out to get some sandwiches.
4* – Yes you are right, it does have it merits in terms of recording a programme one would otherwise miss. But then you could do that with video recorders….
Anyway, I do have Sky (much to my mam’s disgust) and there are a few channels I like. But even still I am rubbish at remembering when things are on, and miss loads of things. But when I miss something I just accept it and move on, instead of trying to swim against the tide of millions of progs that I am constantly missing. Afterall I only have one pair of eyes.
To solve this problem they will have an invention that will enable the two halves of the brain and each eye to function independently, and we’ll have head sets that will force feed two different progs simultaneously into our eyes.
I went sailing once. It was freezing and I threw up from the moment I stepped on until the second I stepped off. If god meant for us to sail, he’d have removed my legs and arse and exchanged it for a stern and bow shaped skeleton covered in a barnacle resistant layer of oily skin
*hurriedly patents Tellytron 3000 (TM)*
Does the Med have pirates at the mo?
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23714207-details/Police+claim+Ian+Tomlinson+could+have+been+attacked+by+fake+G20+cop/article.do
A beauty from Associated
Yeah, funny how that fake copper managed to get such a good met costume. I smell something fishy…
Are you gettting ready for tomorrow, Mel?
A fond memory I hold of being on a ferry goes as follows: Young Clarry goes to toilet and sees woman washing her hair in the sink, whilst simultaneously sicking in the sink.
*Bleugh*
It wasn’t a copper you saw wot done was it son?
WAS IT EH?
Thats wot i thought. Now move along.
Check out them ttttttttt’s
Eurgh clarry, i would have drowned her in it.
Re the fake copper, it is a bit of an attempt to go ‘these aren’t the droids you are looking for’ except the Metropolitan Police Force doesn’t have such good jedi mind tricks.
*does a burp and replays not very nice sandwiches from local shop*
Remember clarry, not a good shampoo…
NC, did you ever find Donar Kebab Pot Noodles? Was it a joke?
If BB10 doesn’t pick up they’ll probably retire it for a few years, then bring it back to great acclaim. The revamped version will be retitled “The Proles”, and it’ll be hosted by Alain de Botton if I have anything to do with it, which I won’t.
Pilchard – it will be Big Brother Reformed, which somehow sounds much more sisnister…
I hardly ever watch live tv. I have a hard drive full of Judge Judy (REAL CASE, REAL PEOPLE) Family Guy, American Dad and Rising Damp. Oh and You’ve Been Framed…
Video recorders? Yes, you could do that. For a bit. If you didn’t record over something you or someone else wanted to keep. And then change tapes after an hour. Oh and <> to the bit you wanted, if you could guess correctly where it might be. And remember that if the programme was moved for any reason you’d get the wrong thing. Oh and remember to change the time when the clocks went back.
Happy days
Piqued – Still haven’t come across them, no. Strange, as you’d have assumed they’d try them out on the northern barbarian tribes first.
Video recorders? Yes, you could do that. For a bit. If you didn’t record over something you or someone else wanted to keep (USE THE TAB THINGS) And then change tapes after an hour (4 OR EVEN 6 HOURS IF RECORDING AT LP OR SLP – you run out of meory for Sky plussing too). Oh and to the bit you wanted, if you could guess correctly where it might be (YOU HAVE TO TO CERTAIN BITS ON DIGI PROGS TOO) And remember that if the programme was moved for any reason you’d get the wrong thing (USE VIDEO PLUS). Oh and remember to change the time when the clocks went back (NOT A MASSIVE CHORE).
I don’t even have a video recorder, I just use mine eyes.
New post alert, y’say?
Fi – I may have been wrong about the Alain de Botton bit too. I think it’ll probably be presented by forgotten-man-of-media B.A. Robertson.
Clarry:
a) Where do you store all the videotapes? They’re huge.
b) Have you ever watched anything recorded at LP on a VHS? Could you tell what it was? No.
All of you – except the darling special Clarry and the nearly sailing Cyber-kid – shut your pieholes. Video recorders is fab – it means when morningtelly is a bit rubbish you can watch last night’s telly which you missed because you were at the gym or in the garden. You have one tape for watching and one for taping on – not a vast amount of storage room required, as one is always actually in the recorder. 4hour tapes exist – 8 hours, then, on longplay, and picture no worse than on the rubbish new sort of telly with freeview ready in it. If you ever want to keep summats for ever and and ever (extremely unlikely) snap the tabs off, or buy a video of it, speshully made for buying and keeping. So until I am forced to spend on new equipment by the digital telly fascists, I jolly well won’t. It annoys me!
PS I didn’t think CD’s would catch on though – why on earth would anyone buy songs they already have, and have to buy new equipment to play it? And no, I’m not a Luddite, but I do hate nonsensical money wasting and one-upmanship.
*Draws breath*
Clarry – when did the terrible thing on the ferry happen?! Poor darling.
Afternoon all.
We’re obviously a whole family of Luddites because I can’t be arsed with recording TV either. My video broke about 8 years ago and I haven’t bothered since. I only used it to record Frasier and The Sopranos (which went out at a stupidly late time on Welsh Channel 4) anyway.
I used to watch the live BB stream a few years ago AND read the updates on DigitalSpy but now Angel (surely the maddest BB contestant ever) has gone I’m not watching BB at all.
Lennon didn’t sing ‘Long, Long, Long’, it was a George song. About God, apparently. No wonder Patti fucked off and left him.
Big who?