A challenge for you, WWMers.
Next week we’re going to be listing the 50 least bearable TV personalities and not only is it going to be a list that we create together – we’re also going to need quotes from you for when we create the final rundown…
We’re going to be taking your suggestions, considering them, maybe using maths to make one of them pie chart things for some reason and then we’ll collate the list. Then we can all argue about how fair/unfair it is. And then we’ll move on.
We challenge you to strain your minds and think of the most skin-crawling, irritating, toe-curling television presenters, pundits and blatherers and then note them here, with what you think of them. All we ask is that you’re reasonably even-handed and give strong reasons, going beyond ‘what a smug moron’, ‘I don’t like her shoes’ and ‘EEZ A KONNT’.
So – fill us in. Who’re the MOST annoying people on the TV?
We want to know the TV personalities who rile you the most. And we want to know why.
Fictional characters are disallowed, as are sportsmen or women. But that still leaves:
- Sports pundits
- Presenters
- News anchors
- Game show hosts
- Critics
- Experts
- Reality TV contestants
… and anyone else who’s real and who winds you up whenever they regularly appear on the TV.
Over to you.
Let rip!
212 Comments
I do not like the property experts …one in particular riles me that smarmy bloke.
“…that smarmy bloke.”
Give us a fighting chance, DINLT!
So we need early wickets then? Although rain forecast for tomorrow so probably a draw anyway
Cricket talk elsewhere please – we’re doing a scientific experiment here, for God’s sake!
You’ll bias the samples.
Use yesterday’s thread if ye don’t mind…
And DINLT – who is he and why does he rile you? You’ll not make The List on that form!
Of the sports pundits, Andy Townsend irritates the shit out of me; he gabbles, refuses to listen to his fellow commentators reasoned arguments and looks like a sweatier Tony Hadley. Off!
Sorry SH, won’t happen again *tugs forelock*
I like Andy Townsend actually..indeed I like expert analysis from any player.
Hang on – you can have that because you gave us a reason why you don’t like Andy Townsend.
Fourstar understands the rules.
I cannot stand Fiona Phillips. She is an embarrassment to all womankind.
DINLT – this is the place to give us your least bearable TV personalities. You can discuss other peoples all you want, but haven’t you any of your own, m’boy?
DINLT: Any player? Really?
Yep..even Garth Crooks who has a way about him, that suggests he has seen some fundamental flaw in the tactics of a team and the result of this is that the World is going to end. His face is full of thunder and he finishes his point with omenous abruptness.
DINLT: You’re insane
Fiona Phillips is pretty unbearable. I reckon she’ll definitely be on the list.
Garth Crooks in his pyjamas. There’s an arresting image for you.
Jeremy Clarkson. Daily Mail distilled into a Viz character.
Nicky Campbell. One-trick labrador. Does the Julie Burchill thing of automatically taking the opposing position to any opinion whatsoever no matter how sane, but with even less style.
George Lamb. Manages to make Dermot O’Leary look like David Dimbleby. Ideally will be the Simon Dee of this decade.
Vernon Kay. Too tall. Looks like someone put Ed Steward on a torture rack. Smile has a hint of a funeral director you wouldn’t trust.
Nice work Flotsky…
*grabs list*
I hate Jeremy Kyle. I loathe Jeremy Clarkson.
But I love Jeremy Paxman.
GO FIGURE!!!!!!!!!11!!!
“Jeremy Clarkson. Daily Mail distilled into a Viz character.”
What’s Daily Mail about Clarkson?
Jeremy Clarkson is a twat.
Kelly Brook presenting ‘Love Island’ was pretty terrible. As in pretty, but terrible. Hard to actually hate though. More research needed…
DINLT – Why?
Lorne, bloody, Spicer!
She’s the 5ft nothing presenter of such day time tripe as Car Booty, Cash in the Attic, Bootsale Challenge and Beat the Bailiff. She’s the light entertainment version of the Stig of the Dump, rooting through your rubbish to earn cash.
It wouldn’t be so bad if she got stuck in and really tried to help but you see her wandering around aloof of the scenario with a look in her eyes that reads “you’re better than this Lorne, you could make the big time.”
Unfortunately this will never happen.
If you ever watch car booty, notice when she joins the sale on sunday. The first bit of VT is always the family setting up their lot in a busy carpark at 7am. The camera is rolling and the ‘contestants’ are selling well, it is only then that she rocks up at what must be midday to put in her two pence worth. Nick Knowles would never do this.
Is it irony or just cosmic Karma but for a woman that is all over the saving/making money entertainment format, she has recently gone bankrupt.
Her elivated sense of importance, coupled with her annoying nasally voice makes the most vile woman on day time TV.
Kelly Brook presenting Big Breakfast was much worse, she just isn’t built for reading things out loud on live telly. Although she wasn’t quite as bad as Kate Lawler on RI:SE.
Jamie Redknapp: He has no idea what the word ‘literally’ means. He bangs on endlessly about how Frank Lampard is his cousin, he wears that one shit tie week in week out and his trousers are so tight you can see the outline of his balls, which he displays by sitting with his legs are far apart as possible. And he talks utter crap. I fucking hate Jamie Redknapp
Michael Macintyre: Do I need to go into the various reasons why he is the most annoying prick on television?
June Bloody Sarpong
because of an article he wrote in the Sunday Times some years ago, which showed his real knowledge and persona with regard to F1 and engineering principles in general. ie very little understanding but big on opinion. This characterises him.
I basically think programs are better when presented by an expert in the field, rather than a journalist who is there as a go between between ignorant audience and complex matters.
DINLT – Over and over again Clarkson has said he knows nothing about engineering. Neither do I, but that doesn’t mean I can’t admire the subject as a layman. That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t present general interest programmes about the subject. If you want serious programming presented by dullard ‘experts’, why not give the boffins on Open University a go? Or better still, read a fucking book. Your argument’s bullshit.
noel edmunds – beardy, chinless, creepy, actually ugly and icky.
bruce forsyth – does the man actually have eyeballs or are those faded blue lasers squeezing their way through those narrow optical gaps?
jonathon ross – no good anymore, has regressed and is now officially a try-hard.
sue barker – too eager to please, and she’d do any of those blokes on AQOS, guaranteed.
seriously SH, this list is potentially never-ending. how much do you want?
oh, and good morning all.
kate wotserface on BBC1 in the mornings. her with the glasses and the basking-shark sized mouth.
charles campion – actually physically revolting and a live version of peter from family guy (his only saving grace)
kate spicer – lemon-faced spinster, ruined by bitterness and a surfeit of exposure.
sree – BB10 contestant – lady-pest.
Frankie Boyle – The most impressive array of disabled jokes currently on prime time viewing.
Eko Eshun on Newsnight review – actually slaps his his own hairless head in disagreement.
CJ on the Eggheads – actually rolls his eyes in disbelief at wrong answers (though I suspect he has been groomed by the producers to this end).
Anyone who does the ‘devil hands’ thing at the mention of heavy metal music.
Anyone without a working knowledge of medieval French peasentry.
Tony Blairs.
With Noel as well, you’ve got that slightly creepy manner he displays on Deal or No Deal around women of a certain age. Just a little bit too much unrequested physical contact.
OK Swineshead, blanket cynicism alert
Robberrrt PeSSStonnn – over emphasised enunciation coupled with ’struggling to understand why you’re all so thick, I need to choose simple words here, if only you’d all listened to me’ Doom-monger.
Jerrrremyyyy Viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine – see most of Peston comment above but wants to be Nicky Campbell ‘head boy of the UK population’. flotsky (above) summarises the wisdom of that ambition. Never resolves his statements into an opinion, the fence-sitting populist (Viiine that is).
And finally….Kay Burley of Sky. Sensationalist, lizard eyed, lightweight, pinched mouthed, point-missing, condescending…I could go on.
They make my blood boil!
I used to like Open university but in these politically correct and elf and safety satellite TV times no longer does the boffin appear on my TV set with long hair and strange accent.
HAHa yes robert Peston. He seems to be one of those guys who wants a gimmick to go with his act. The long languid drawn words irritate me. One day he was on and a heavy cold. There was none of this at all and he sounded quite normal.
Noel Edmonds is demented as is his audience.
Frankie Boyle is a comedian, what do you expect? If it was Moira Stewart making those gags at the end of the Ten O’Clock News, then perhaps that would be somewhat inappropriate.
“Kelly Brook … just isn’t built for reading things out loud on live telly.”
But she is most definitely “built”.
Paul Martin from Flog It, creepy and patronising.
Vanessa *poo flinging* Felts (?)
and that dreadfull lovie who presents the morning show on Radio London before her.
Worral Thompson..ghastly!
I have to say, I agree heartily with Frankie Boyle and Jamie Redknapp.
I’m starting to think Lamb might come off lightly here….
I’d forgotten about Redknapp, he beats Townsend into a cocked hat.
That’s on Adult Pay-Per-View by the way.
jasper carrott (and golden balls)
bianca gascoigne, and in the same vein calum bloody best. all that lot.
jordan/katie price (go team andre)
Is Vanessa on Tv for a sustained period of time any more though?
I think they only allow her those horrific Radio London links and nowt else (in case she starts digging poo out of peoples arses)
http://bit.ly/ZZi6N
Is Vanessa on for a sustained period of time any more though?
I think they only allow her those Radio London links and nowt else
http://bit.ly/ZZi6N
Oh for fucks sake
sorry SH, i didn’t catch that. again?
Hello Breeks…
Can we have reasons? You can’t just name names or they’ll never make the list (unless they’re Calum Best, who’s a given)
breeks: Don’t you mean “the same vain calum best”?
*coat*
yes i do, fourstar.
i did give reasons for all the others, swinesy.
all those self promoting, over-faked and tabloid-sucking others i felt didn’t require explanation. though now you have th explanation so we’re all happy.
morning.
today i have NOTHING TO DO but must sit here at work till 5pm.
christ.
4* – I would expect some funny jokes, possibly about subjects worthy of ridicule. Why should any comedian resort to rotten, cheap laugh material, such as he?
Morning,
Quick question before I start. Does Swineshead live in Sleaford? If so were you named after Swineshead Bridge nearby. Sorry if I am slow on the uptake but this only occured to me the other day when I was driving past it. Living in Norwich it takes days to drive anywhere in the country and I see Sleaford & the A17 area as the gateway to the rest of the world. Like a space worm hole anomoly.
Garth Crooks – talk out of sync like William Shatner
Shearer, Hansen, Lineker, Redknapp – as insightful as pigs grunting round a pile of shit. They are “stonewall” choices.
G Lamb – as I watch him I feel myself thickening
Not Matt-chew Kelly the other one who prsented Going For Gold. He never seemed that interested in the contestants, almost as if he was scarred to talk to them incase he could understand their funny accents. A bit like a bored tour guide.
This has made me really angry. Grrrr.
Am bored at work so will think on for a bit longer.
The podcasts are an enjoyable diversion as I run in the evenings.
Alan Hansen is good. He cannot possibly make the list…he started off the lounge lizard style of punditry.
Squirtle – I used to live in glorious Sleaford and at one point lives a stonesthrow from Swineshead. So yes, your detective work paid off!
Boyle and Carr, for me, are worse than Bernard Manning… it’s all in the intent, the lack of context and the cheap, cheap laughs.
mr graham clarke: So are you saying that any ’shocking’ comedian is not funny?
DINLT: Hansen is lovely.
I’ve started like Ecko Eshun, I have to admit. From a purely comic angle.
I feel Hansen has descended into a parody of himself though with 2 or 3 cliches and not much else but I suppose he is better then the rest of them.
I do rate Townsend though, and Martin Keown is a softly spoken genius. Also Dixon is pretty good now.
I forgot, Mark Lawrenson is a tool.
Clare balding far too matronly. Indeed the continental model of female presenter on TV should be adopted in the UK. Drop dead gorgeous ones only!
4* – I’m saying that any comedian who goes for soft targets under the guise of being ’shocking’ is worthless.
Compare to an obvious example like Francesca Martinez.
I like the sky sports saturday presenters. Merse, Thommo, Le Tiss.
“I’ve started like Ecko Eshun, I have to admit. From a purely comic angle.”
*slaps own head* No, no ,no ,no NO NO NO NON
You should all go here and read the comments, by the way. Too good.
http://downtuned.net/2009/07/10/jls-beat-again/
Motty and that bloody Beckham free kick against Greece. Everytime Beckham got a free kick in the last quarter…Motty would start going on about that free kick…for at least five years after it was taken. And did Beckham ever produce a similar one for England ever again?????
Graham Norton, yes I said it.
Just not funny anymore and wears dreadful clothes..
Such a shame, he used to be funny.
Will he go on to advertise budget hotels I wonder?
mark lamar – like he was doing us a favour being there. he wasn’t.
“any comedian who goes for soft targets under the guise of being ’shocking’ is worthless.”
What about under the guise of being ‘funny’?
I’m not necessarily saying that Boyle is funny all the time (and Carr certainly isn’t) but if his intention is to make people laugh – which he does, clearly – then surely that has some kind of comedic merit?
Anyway, Jerry Sadowitz is funnier than both of them.
Fiona Phillips – mind numbingly smug and arrogant with a horrendous perma-sneer on her face.
Once on GMTV she interviewed a woman who had, as a child, suffered horrific burns all over her body. The woman was severely disfigured by her injuries and had obviously had a hard life because of it.
“I’ve had to live with this for twenty nine years,” she explained to Fiona.
“No,” replied Fiona condescendingly. “THIRTY years.”
“Twenty nine years. It happened when I was four, I’m now thirty three,” the woman patiently explained.
“Well ACTUALLY it says THIRTY YEARS here on MY NOTES.” Fiona sneered back, as if the woman – who had actually experienced such unimaginable pain and suffering – knew less about her miserable life than Fiona Fucking Phillips and her work experience researchers.
Eamonn Holmes – similar reason as Fiona Phillips but replace the perma-sneer with blubber.
The day after the Ladbroke Grove train crash, Eamonn was broadcasting live from a path that overlooked the still-smouldering wreckage.
“I’ve got some survivors here!” he beamed to camera. “Tell me what happened!”
“Well, there was this enormous noise, the carriage spun around, I was thrown against the window, it was horrible,” explained an obviously shell-shocked chap. Eamonn thrust his microphone in the guy’s face.
“Did you see any fatalities?” he asked excitedly.
Michael Mackintyre – smug, oily, unfunny, posh, smarmy, micro-talented.
Avid Merrion/Keith Lemon/Leigh Whatever. I was shocked to discover on one of those “50 funniest comedies” programme that Bo Selecta actually had a team of writers involved and wasn’t just this unfunny ginger toss-pot twatting around in front of the camera. Why everyone on television fawns over this chap is beyond my ken.
Apologies for length
i agree with sue on all counts (ALL OF THEM).
YES..Eamon Holmes…typical Man U tosser.
I’ve met Sadowitz (might have mentioned it) and he’s an arsehole. Or he was an arsehole to me.
But he’s clearly better at the shocking stuff than Carr/Boyle et al.
I also have a mild dislike for anybody who has got into television purely because they have famous relatives; George “Son of Larry” Lamb, Fearne “Grand-daughter of Billy” Cotton, Ben “Son of Some Actress” Fogle, Judith Chalmer’s son, Lily “Daughter of Keith” Allen. Feel free to add to the list, or talk about cricket…
Peston
Smarmy, condescending, patronising bastard. He thinks we’re all morons and can’t understand banky-wankys.
As he told the goverment committee, Northern Rock’s demise wasn’t his fault… but boy, did his stock increase because of it.
C’MON AUSSIE!
(i’ll refrain from further cricket commentary for now)
OI OI OI
(sorry)
No! Don’t talk about cricket!
You’re right, Sue. The notion of pedigree is pure bullshit. Nice to see Bowie’s son is subverting that by making a reportedly decent film without using his name….
i saw sting’s daughter do her thing at a gig where she was supporting toots and the maytals.
she were alright. pretty. sounded exactly like her father when she were wailing, like. eerie.
Yes Sue, Ben “fucking” Fogle,
danny wallace. gone off him.
James May gives me the creeps but I know i am in a minority on this as well as Gok Wan who the girls seem to like.
The Hairy Bikers for many many reasons!..
Actually….most people on telly unless they are experts in their fields and I find them interesting.
Norton
He can fuck off as well.
I once saw him do stand-up and he fucking LOVED himself; this was before he became the BBC’s darling.
The ONLY funny thing he’s ever done was his cameo in Father Ted – and that was written for him by someone else.
Question: is Norton being groomed as the next Jonathan Ross?
Mylene Klass. hideously smug and self satisfied.Why is she in my face all the time? Just because she can play the piano and have a shower in a white bikini in a jungle. The fact that they replaced Nicky Hambleton Jones with her on Ten Years Younger is nothing short of an absolute ruddy disgrace.
I’ve been called ugly in person during stand-up routines by both Graham Norton and Bob Down. So you can never tell which way your career is going to go after you call me ugly.
Matt Lucas and David Walliams.
Not funny and never were. It took them AGES to get commissioned for a series of their ‘comedy’ show – because they’re not funny. Then it was forced down our throats by the BBC.
Lucas was funny under the direction of Vic and Bob but that’s the limit of his comedy value.
Frodo, the fact that they replaced Nicky Hambleton Jones on Ten Years Younger with someone much younger and prettier was fucking hilarious.
4star – Anyone can tell nasty jokes under the guise of being funny. Pubs and schools and offices are full of them. It’s the easiest thing to do in the world. Some folk may use more creative language to get themselves paid, but it’s the same material. The difference is that you then have the responsibility to say something worthwhile about it and to ask questions about morals and whatnot, which is where Sadowitz comes in.
The whole thing that is BBC3!
i am having fun at downtuned.
kids are fun.
Im going to say something that might be controversial now.
Richard Madeley.
Rachel Allen – the way she says gorgeous makes me want to kick her face off.
Yes, yes. Rachel Allen. and the way she says oven too. In fact the way she says anything
I rather like Madeley – the friendly face of shoplifting.
Michael Macintyre, he’s over exposed, fait, squeaky, a bit annoying but since I was forced to endure his stand up DVD over Christmas I’ve a genuine soft spot for the fat little fella.
With regard to what Mr. Graham Clarke said earlier, he manages to be amusing without being both cynical and offensive.
I thought he faired well on Top Gear last week too, I wasn’t expecting that… dammit all, I like the chap.
it would surely be easier to say who we liked and why.
not half as entertaining, i guess.
*shuts up*
ooooooo the list really would be too long…so my top 5!
Richard Madely > Arrogant and twatish
Lorraine Kelly > as above but replace arrogant with patronizing
Mr Motivator > The way he grunts just puts me off my cereal
Sherie Houston < not sure if that’s how you spell her name but that one off loose women who used to be in corrie…she’s a liar, always with a rubbish story she’s made up.
Colleen Nolan – unfunny boring bint.
Jeff Stelling – a smiling cunt.
Frankie Boyle – where do I start?
Russell Howard – girl-faced unfunny idiot
Nicky Campbell – never lived down Wheel of Furtune and thinks he’s Bertie Big Bollocks on Watchdog. Was responsible for losing control on Central Weekend once, best bit of TV ever.
Graham Norton – truly annoying, the BBC seem to be in a thrall to him though.
Steve Jones – fancy him? So does he.
Esther Rantzen. She’s gone mad since her husband died.(he did die didnt he?)
Mr Graham Clarke…
“Anyone without a working knowledge of medieval French peasentry.”
That is a genius of a comment and works on many different levels. haha. Brilliant.
Krista Ackroyd off of the telly’s Look North programme. Ghastly hair, make up, clothes and an unbelievablely overbearing manner. Harry Gration cowers whenever she’s around.
Piqued..fait? fey or fay?
All of the cunting Dragons off of Dragons Den. Smug moneyed twats.
Ewan off of Radio 4 is alright though, even with his boss eye.
jeremy kyle – because he’s jeremy kyle.
matthew wright – because his face is wonky.
Actually Ewan is doing quite well on r4’s today program. He is soon becoming chief inquisitor of the politicians and is prepared to argue the toss in a very coherent way. He is not afraid to go for the throat but in a clever way.
David Dimbleby, when he’s doing the election coverage. He thinks he’s the only person in the country who understands democracy. But you know what, Dave? You got the job because of your dad.
Jonathan Dimbleby, when he’s doing the election coverage. He thinks he’s the only person in the country who understands democracy. But you know what, Jon? You got the job because of your brother.
George Lamb killed 6 music almost single-handedly and I hate him for it.
christian fukking o’connell. he’s shit.
Jeremy Vine!
I think he talks in that horrific radio presenter voice everywhere he goes because he’s forgotten where the presenter ends and the real man begins.
‘Hello, I’m Jeremy Viiinnnee. HELLO! Before me is a checkout worker in my local Sainsbury’s who I’m just about to ask for a clubcard in the third person. She’s currently telling me the toilet roll is in fact two for one and wonders whether I want to go and get another one while I have the chance. A very courteous query, but shouldn’t the two for one offer be more prominent on the shelf in the first place? Send in your views on THAT – we’d love to hear from you.”
Oh and Jeff Stelling (as mentioned above) has made me hate Hartlepool Utd with a passion. His smug chops and irritating dancing when Hartlepool manage to score really get my goat.
Especially as my beloved Tranmere Rovers usually happen to be losing to someone awful at the time.
Steve.. Tranmere Rovers. Cool. Do you think Barnsey’s gonna do the biz?
I’m a little nervous at the moment as he keeps coming out and saying we’ve got no money, yet we’ve released about 11 players.
But he does sound like he’s got the right attitude in interviews. I’m personally hoping for a Barnes v Bas Savage dance off in the centre circle.
DINLT – yep, Ewan is doing a good job on Radio 4.
Do you think the Today programme is disintegrating into giggles slightly too often? It seems to happen a lot when Humphries reads the newspapers.
Keep it sober, R4.
DINLT I don’t think Ewan is as good as he thinks he is. He often gets overexcited and fluffs his questions.
DINLT, sorry, ‘Fey’
Grogee
No, Ewan isn’t doing a good job on Today. He’s too soft in interviews and hasn’t mastered the technique of controlling the interviewee. He comes across as an amateur. Actually he makes me cringe.
Hmm…I certainly noticed the giggles but have thought it usually emananates from one of the female presenters whose name escapes me..who keeps thinking her little “jokey asides” are amusing…which they are not.
Nick..I have always thought that about Humphreys. I find Ewan is a velvet glove, but with an iron fist. He seems to hit where I would like to hit..whilst Humphrey’s whilst good doesn’t quite get the exact spot.
Paxman is the master, howver. He knows he is far more intelligent than anybody he interviews.
Top 5 (in no particular order)
1. Simon Amstell- an ego that seems out of control
2. Davina McCall- presents that awful show and comes across as totally insincere
3. George Lamb- a complete prat.
4. Michael Crick- clever and a very good journalist, but smug beyond belief
5.John Harris- a good music journalist who now thinks he´s an authoritative political commentator as well- bollocks,John.
Probably the wrong forum to discuss him, but does anyone agree that Eddie Jordan is a disgrace to the (otherwise excellent) BBC F1 coverage?
It’s like the connection between his mouth and brain is equivalent to a one-bar Virgin Mobile signal.
Piqued- Maybe the amateury aspect of Ewan is what gives us our different opinions. I like the fact he will sort of exclaim, “I do not know how you can say that…when the figures are…etc. ” He will persist in the time allotted (which incidentally pisses me off, they should allow more time) on a point, and the diversionary tactics of the interviewee can make it seem disjointed.
DINLT: is the female Today person Caroline something? Is it the same one that does the shipping forecast? Yes I agree she’s ruining it for those of us who tune in for fact-based news.
If we wanted laughs we’d tune into… Something Else. Actually is there anything funny on breakfast radio these days?
R4 Today team should all be tied to electrodes and zapped if they a) make a “joke” or b) laugh at a “joke”.
Graham Norton. The BBC paid all that money for him and havent found anything for him to do. He may have been amusing on C4 which is probably nearer his spiritual home than the BBC, but has been rubbs for that last few years. What used to be shocking and maybe amusing to some is boring, tepid and embarrassing now.
Little Britain is also crap so put both of them on the list.
Any reality docu-family-mentary subjects such as OSbournes, Hiltons, Hulk Hogan etc and their annoying kids. The kids are probably the worst bit actually. Theres another for the list. Cant think of her name but fat Sharon Osbourne’s daughter.
Actually grogee, I like the Jordan Coulthard double act. I didn’t think I would, but the team owner v the driver view of things I find quite good.
grogee – I agree about Eddie Jordan. I can’t believe that the Beeb can’t find anyone better to fill the slot, Johnny Herbert can’t be up to much these days – he’d be a good foil for DC.
Not sure grogee, I think it may be Sarah.
If i have time, i’m gonna come back with a post full of hate. But for now i’d just like to say that the George Lamb picture made me spray my lunch all over the monitor.
Congrats.
Amendment to top 5- take out harris (ultimately harmless) and put in Peston- saw comment about him above and thought “amen to that!” Can´t stand him. Though I have to say that the BBC seems to have got the message from the general public and mostly kept him off the air over the last few months- Stephanie Flanders is usually on instead and far less annoying.
Come on! Keep it up!
We’ll never get a list of fifty at this rate!
But Sue…the dynamic is a good humoured team owner v driver difference of opinion. . Johnny Herbert was a driver. They would just agree if it was Coulthard and Herbert.
Can’t believe no-one has mentioned Steve Jones off of T4… I absolutely loathe him, mainly because he has managed to date a string of celebrity beauties, but then because his smug f*cking face reminds me of it every week and seems to mock me for not being able to pull the cheerleader off of Heroes.
I have also developed a dislike of Ruby Wax, mainly cause I’ve forgotten what she is famous for now as all she ever does is appear on one Celebrity version of a reality show after another.
Oh, and f*cking Jo Brand. She’s another bloody rent-a-quote.
Michael Parkinson = Bitter old git, living in the past..
Anthony – good call about Amstell. The biggest ego in television, surely?
Piers Morgan – too oily.
That woman on the One show – too brittle
Dr Gillian McKeith – tried to trademark putting fingers in poo, isn’t a real doctor, much like David Tennant
Jo Caulfield – the female Michael Macintyre, although to be fair she owns more clothes than him
Steve Punt – looks like he’s been on telly as long as he has
David Walliams?
He’s done some good comedy int he past but people should stop employing him as a professional wit because he’s neither.
Dr. Raj Persaud.
Nick – you’re right about Parkie. He encapsulates everything that’s wrong about Northerners…
And Crispy – Wax was never good, was she? Annoying face, annoying drawl, annoying “opinions”. Slag.
Oh can I add Lenny Henry? He actually makes me want to NOT donate to Comic Relief. Whenever he appears on my television screen I want my eyes to fall out.
How the hell did I forget Piers Morgan? Thanks Flotsky. If I need to give a reason it is that he is the most abhorrent, name dropping, talentless, patronising, pointless f*ckwit in the history of the entire world.
I will have to stick up for Piers Morgan. His Daily Mirror stance on Iraq was admirable.
I can see McKeith getting a LOT of votes.
PS: I didn’t mean my ‘Northerner’ comment earlier. I’m a Southerner and Northerners are much better, a bit like French people, all bolshy and opinionated. Great.
Neil Buchanan’s an arsehole bastard. He’s been presenting Art Attack since biblical times and still can’t draw a circle without soembody marking it out for him with a pencil. And he’s the size of a borrower – they have to make special micro-stationary and pasta shapes for him because he’s about a quarter of the size of a pencil.
i feel like i should say dr christian jensen but i kind of like him.
oh fukkit – stick him in through dint of having mid-90s curtains and an over-fondness for warts.
also i used to like kirsty wotserface from location location location but then she did that ‘kirsty’s home made’ which was all about over-priced home counties cottage decorating and she was just ANNOYING.
so her, cause of that, even if a temporary entry.
oh, and Every Single Person who’s been on Beeny’s property ladder and not taken her most excellent advice.
stationEry Dave.
How did Piers Morgan not come up earlier.It’s like, due to Simon Cowell’s adoption of him, that everyone has forgotten how hideous he truly is.
And now we’re in that area – Amanda Holden. I’ll never forgive her for breaking Les Dennis’ heart.
Also Holly Willoughby – her what does the backstage bits on xfactor. She talks like a baby.
fearne cotton – for her bad tattoos and musician-ever-ready ladybits.
Ha Ha Breeks….yes ..why oh why would you not take her advice? If by a very strange set of circumstances I found myself on her program, I would be taking notes of her advice and indeed quite happily sign off the whole project to her at an agreed price. I would do nothing unless she agreed.
DINLT – Is that why I can never board a train, because I keep waiting for it to turn into a rubber or ruler before it’s safe to get on?
I thought it was NEIL messing with my world.
breeks, you’re totally wrong about fearne, it’s for her stupid hair and voice
DINLT – the Team Owner v Driver idea is great, if only Eddie was as succinct in his comments as DC. He does tend to waffle on so. I’m loving Jake Humprey’s work, though.
I’d like to second Piers Morgan. He’s gone from being a disgraced newspaper editor with alleged connections with insider trading to the Housewive’s TV favourite, the oily spiv.
Similarly Cheryl Cole – convicted of assault on a toilet attendant, now supposedly The Nation’s Sweetheart. Grr!
Yes Sue, I think the BBC have done a really good job with the GP coverage. I was worried about Jake when he was announced as the anchor man..but he’s done a good job. I like the whole broadcast team.
I once went to Holly Willoughby’s house, where she was having a get-together with Fearne Cotton… no, I’m not making this up.
At the time one of them was going out with the singer out of that shit Welsh rock outfit (Lost Prophets?) – maybe that’s still the case, dunno. He was a sullen, boring twat.
Anyway, inside Holly Willoughby is a VERY FAT person trying to get out. Flouncy and annoying.
Don’t mind Fearne so much but she does seem to be the default choice for so many ‘trendy’ TV programmes, so I can understand why people would get annoyed.
Ponting’s Out…!
I second Sue’s comments about Jake Humphries – what an honest, down-to-earth kind of guy. Felt bad when he nearly got run over by a Toyota recently – anyone else and I would have laughed.
But does anyone else think Legard has “something of the night” about him?
Fearne Cotton.
For being the most overexcited, insincere, condescending and ridiculously arse-licky presenter on ‘down with the kids’ tv.
Take her interview with the Princes at Diana’s memorial concert: Harry sniffs. Fearne laughs uproarously and says “HAHA! THAT’S SO FUNNY”. Wills says “Urr”. Fearne laughs like a crack rabbit on laughing gas and says “HAHAHA! THAT’S SO FUNNY”. Both of them fart in her face. Fearne takes a sniff, giggles and says “HAHAHA, THAT’S SO FUNNY”.
Get her out of my sight.
Tony robinson for annoying Mel in Comet.
Fearne Cotton for her sneery face and overuse of the word “amazing”.
“Miss Cotton, I’m sorry to say you have terminal bowel cancer and have three weeks to live”
“Amazing!”
Jo Whiley, anyone?
All the actors on CSI:Miami, you just know that they tell the director in every scene “make sure I look great in this shot” and have a hissy fit in their trailer if they don’t.
I just know there’s someone else, someone so utterly hateful and contemptible that I have a blindspot for them…
Ant & Dec?
Barry George, Bobby George, George Martin and Martin Kemp.
The FUCKERS.
grogee – You have to admire the Willoughby plunge though. Epic cleavage.
Sian Lloyd – don’t like the way she splays her fingers out. Or speaks. Or her hair.
The V/O woman off of Master Chef – “Iwan is having trouble getting his suflee to rise – will it turn out right in the end?” Why don’t you let us watch it and shut the fuck up?
Phillip Schofield – kept in gainful employment by a bunch of turds who think the 80s “were really great, you can’t beat the music and telly.” What like Kajagoogoo, Rick Astley and You Bet” and Game for a Laugh?
Alan Carr – Where would you like me to start? Thing is, I’ve got loads of time for ‘The JLC.’
Richard Hammond – why is he on Top Gear? He’s nothing more than a local radio DJ who got lucky. Funny how the other programmes he presents are for children: Blast Lab, Total Wipeout. Need to get his hair cut. May ppisses all over him.
Tim fucking Lovejoy – supports Chelsea and is a cock.
Sorry for typos, didn’t read through my last post.
Ahhhh, Heston Bloominawful.
He’s like poor Harry Hill impersonator without the personality.
Nick ‘Grimmie’ Grimshaw.
His face has angles and planes which upset small children and dogs. His try-hard indie cool makes me want to scream. He presents Switch! with dreadful witch Annie Mac, which is like Later with Jools Holland for people who love Hollyoaks and hate music. I swear he’s putting a northern accent on.
Perhaps most damningly, he is friends with Peaches Geldof.
Ooh! I’ve just noticed “Reality TV contestant” on the list of categories:
Big Brother 7’s Nikki Grahame – I absolutely DETEST her and her stupid shrunken Vanessa Feltz face and her stupid whiney voice and her pathetic facial expressions. I hate the pictures in magazines of her attending the opening of an envelope and she’s wearing some stupid dress and pulling some stupid “I hate you it’s sooo unfair” facial expression.
The 2nd worst thing to come out of Big Brother, ever (the first worst thing being the launchpad for Avid Merrion).
That grinning bastard wot does the weather on Look North. Paul somebody? Him.
Up his own arse, is an arsehole, licks the news presenters’ arses, looks like an arse.
THE ARSE.
Any of the little bastards on Class of 2008, a show which followed talentless indie wankers round Camden as they i) talked about playing in a band, ii) talked about modelling, iii) talked about acting. Utter, utter shits, the lot of them.
Don’t believe me? This pampered oik was the narrator and main character: Flash Louie.
I think he might be a harbinger of the end of civilisation.
Scott Grimes – for not coming back here and just hanging out. I thought Scott Grimes was cool…
reminds me, i saw daisy lowe last night, wearing see-through white harem pants, sunglasses at 11pm and having it large on the mean streets of chiswick.
so yes, her. and her mother for good measure.
What happened to Daisy Donovan, if we’re talking about Daisy-named people? She wasn’t that bad, was she?
Least bearable person on TV – Jeremy Clarkson ia a must for a start
I used to like her. Not her presentation style – just her. Ass-wise and face-wise and such.
Tell you who really gets my goat, that see you next tuesday who’s got the F1 commentary job, he’s a useful as a third armpit
eg
‘Oh my GOD, he’s ran into the back of him…’
*pause*
‘Oh my GOD, he’s DONE IT AGAIN!’
(off) ‘that was a repeat’
Bright Ambassador – are you so named after the Pure Reason Revolution song?
Apparently Hammond coined £2m in total earnings for 2007. Nice work if you can get it. I’d have a near-death crash for that sort of money.
c’mon webber for germany, yeah.
oi oi oi.
Jameela Jamil, T4 presenter, sits posing, basically, oh yes, and pouting.
She was walking towards me, posing, and imagining everyone was looking at her, at the Isle of Wight fest. Nearly barged me off my flipping feet. Rude, rude child.
Daisy Donovan does it for me, face-wise and ass-wise.
I sort of feel the same about Celebrity Masterchef’s Jane Middlemiss – even though she’s just on the cusp of becoming minging.
She looks like REALLY hard work, I bet she’s a right moaning old cow. But I still would.
Example of someone just PAST the cusp of being minging: Vicky Butler-Henderson.
Middlemiss still has it. She’s perhaps not fully at her TOTP glory but nothing a christmas gift of Oil of Ulay or Olay can’t solve.
I remember when Middlemiss used to get her boobs out for The Sun. Nice boobs, if memory serves.
I just googled Jameela Jamil and she is very, very attractive.
But… where did she go? She was darling of the BBC for all of five minutes.
I have this theory that she’s really difficult to work with (ref my earlier comment about being a moaning old cow) and the Beeb dropped her like a stone.
I have absolutely no evidence for that theory – it’s just a hunch.
SH – She looks like the woman off the I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) video by Meatloaf.
Two words.
Stephen Mulhern.
Who he? I hear you ask . . . he’s the gimp that was on CITV with Holliby Williby, and now does ‘Animal’s do the funniest things’ and backstage at Britain’s Got Talent.
Makes me want to put my foot through the telly – a careerist no-mark with ideas above his station.
Swineshead – yeh JJ a beauty, no doubt, but that doesn’t excuse pitbull manners.
i love this game.
Tess Daly. Her mouth is always smiling but the rest of her face never is.
Apparently she was too much of a Geordie and the viewers could no longer bear to be reminded of what they’d lost after the demise of Byker Grove.
Kremble – everything you say about Mulhern is TRUE.
When the revolution comes, he will be first against the wall.
I’ve another for you: Dermot Fucking O’Leary. On the radio he’s a cunt, on telly he’s a cunt.
Ainsley Harriot because his sun dried tomato cous cous makes your fart smell of sweet tomato for days.
Whilst we’re on the subject of chefs – James Martin. His smarmy, salt-of-the-earth Yorkshireman act gets my goat. I also find him really patronising to his celebrity guests – he did this awful cringey thing with Pat Cash and an omelette last week and Cash looked like he wanted to smack him.
All TV chefs should be whipped to an inch of their life. Except for the nice Chinese girl, Floyd and the late great Graham Kerr.
Grogee – Yes, I am.
DINLT – The Chinese girl is hot but I fear for her safety when AWT is about.
Some pepples, such as Tim Wonnacott, David Davies, and Noel Edmonds…well you just don’t need a reason, do you, as they all have that certain je ne sais quoi that sickens and maddens you because they have made a success of things even though they…um…have a certan err…je ne sais quoi.
Can there be a category for that, please.
Hey look if you add a t and rearrange awt you get TWAT.
Hey look if you get an O, an E, and an N,(and, almost spookily, ‘oen’ is Welsh for ‘lamb’) and add it to DINLT, you get ‘indolent’. Wowees!
Brilliant idea this.
Alex Zane – unfunny, smug no mark whose face simply screams “Hit me hard. With a golf club”.
Christian O’Connell : As above, but replace golf club with…something bigger.
June Sarpong: I would be unkind and say that I doubt English is her first language, but truthfully I’m not sure she speaks any language at all. She just makes noises which sporadically approximate English words. Has an OBE too, which I presume means we’re all getting one.
Clive Tyldesley: Yes Clive – we all remember Barcelona 1999.
Tim Lovejoy – What Bright Ambassador said .
DINLT Graham Kerr is still alive!!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham_Kerr
Fantastic news Nick. I wonder why I thought otherwise. Why is he not on TV these days?
Hello, I have jet lag in Japan, and no luggage, so am forced to sit around in my pants, so I thought I’d pop in here. I have got withdrawl symptoms. I have missed you guys.
I bet most of these have been mentioned, but I wish these people were not on my telly (or anyone else’s for that matter)in no particular order:
Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II, because I want 15 minutes to go on telly every Christmas to talk about whatever I want. I haven’t got it yet, so why should she?
1) Jeremy Clarkson is a reactionary idiot, despite what Nappers says about him and his admiration for engineering. This man really boils my piss
2) All of Loose Women – screeching harpies going on and on and on about nothing of consequence. For an hour every day.
3) Noel Edmonds because he tries to make out that there is a system to random box opening, and strings it all out far too much. Your programme is about probability, not having a ‘lucky system’ (itself an oxymoron) you dull man.
4) John Mcrirrick – because he is just vile and has no redeeming features at all.
5) Jeremy Kyle, because he has grown rich off the back of sneering at and bullying those much less well off than himself, and I hate what he does.
5) Anthony Worral Thompson – for being a nasty right wing little tosser who thinks he has some kind of right to go on about workers wages by dint of being on the telly. And his voice is VERY annoying.
6) Anne Robinson, who is a bully, and is also far more condescending than her intellect should give her the right to be. She is also very vain.
7) All sports pundits, because they come up with such shite
9) Sir Trevor Mcdonald – simply for the Tonight Programme, which is the Daily Mail in magazine TV form. For everything else, I’d let him off.
10) All ‘comedians’ that further their own careers by encouraging idiots to go and sit in baths of beans for charidee every year.
11) Whoever replaces Margaret on the Apprentice – they will not be able to fill her shoes, especially if it is that woman that owns Birmingham City. She is well annoying
12) Fearne Cotton and the other one that was preggers last time i saw her, because they don’t really have the talent between them to have been allowed on the telly in the first place.
13) Edith Bowman on Glasters coverage, sychophantic to the point that you can see her toungue whenever the interviewee looks into the camera.
14) Davina Mccall – she always was annoying, even on street mate, and i thought that was OK to watch as post pub entertainment.
15) George ‘principles’ Clooney can also fuck right off after taking the Nestle dollar.
Blimey, that is quite a lot. I’d better stop now, and go for a bit of a lie down!
The entire cast of Loose Women, but with special emphasis on Coleen Nolan and Carole McGiffin.
David ‘Can I Call You Ladies’ Dickinson – for a number of reasons but not least for his irritating habit of looking at the camera whilst talking to the guests. He just loves the cameras does David. He also behaves in an innappropriately sexist way whilst in the company of pretty young girls and often suggests a flutter of the eyelashes would help them get more money on Dickinson’s Real Deal.
Anyway, he justs totally bugs me. Put him in the final list please
Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes,
Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes, Eamonn Holmes and Eamonn Holmes.
Did I forget to mention Eamonn Holmes? John Holmes must be turning in his grave. However, in the *BIG* E’s defence, his programme is more bearable than the dirge BBC Breakfast turn out. BBC Breakfast is worse than having your teeth pulled out, one by one, without anesthetic and with a pair of pliars. It makes me want to vomit before I begin my working day.
Oh yes, Lowri Turner. Do i really need to give a reason for her?
Nicky Campbell is a cock. See the dire mess known as “The Big Questions”.
I have to agree regarding Alex Zane – utterly talentless little shit who needs to be hit round the head with a cricket bat a few times a day. He was just made for that piece of shit show “Princess Nikki”. Narrating the adventures of an irredeemably dim person makes a change from hyping up the next bunch of NME-touted indie tossers as “geniuses”, despite the fact that they quite plainly aren’t.
Noel Edmonds is now basically running a cult masquerading as “Deal or No Deal”. In an ideal world, he would have fucked off to the same place Jim Davidson and Mr. Blobby have gone, preferably to be buggered by both for eternity.
The whole Dimbleby clan piss me off a lot too. BBC neptoism at it’s worst. Tossers.
Oh, Lorraine frickin’ Kelly. Like being force fed treacle with a shovel.
1. ANDREW CASTLE: brain-free, smarm machine. Empty headed banalities drip out of his insincere smirk at all times. Less of a twat when he talks about tennis, but that’s only two weeks out of the year, and he’s ALWAYS on.
2. ANDY PARSONS: many, many leagues below the rest of the comedy talent on Mock The Week (and some of that’s not all that great), and he clearly knows it, judging by his shifty, nervous demeanor. Thinks satirical humour is repeating ‘Osama Bin Laden’ in that nasal, whiny, Radio 4 news quiz voice.
3. STEVE JONES: since when does being a boorish sex pest qualify you for being the voice of a generation?
4. NICK GRIMSHAW: Steve Coogan’s ‘Keanu’ character from Saxondale given a flagship post on E4.
5. ZESI IFORE: My eyes! My Ears! Make it stop!
6. FIONA PHILIPS: self-obsessed haridan, now cut adrift from the tacky empire over which she once ruled. Pah!
7. NICK ROBINSON: self-regarding epitome of ’small man syndrome’. He’s no John Cole is he?
8. KATE SILVERTON: butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-love-with-herself myopic cow, who can’t read the autocue properly at least 70% of the time. How come she’s got the Sian Williams maternity gig, rather than the far superior Susanna Reid?
9. VERNON KAYE: Northern monkey with a face that’s been hit with a shovel, in a series of nice suits.
10. PIERS MORGAN: obviously.
Kerry Katona. What a vacuous waste of skin and air. Should not have been allowed to have children (ok, the first two are probabyl fine – the second two are spawn of the devil clearly)
MTV need to be shot for giving her more space on tv, and iceland… well they can keep her. It should solve the nation’s obesity problems because she’ll send them to other shops so they don’t end up buying a chicken tikka lasagne for a quid.
Togs: Good call on Vernon Kaye, how did we get this far down the list without thinking of him?
Deserves everything he’ll get on ITV – ie the sack.
You are right about Susanna Reid too – I *definitely* would.
That Zesi Ifore gargoyle. Poss one of the worst things T4 has thrown up.
Davina bloody McCall. Embarrassingly embarrassing. One trick pony.
And this chap: Spencer Brown. This is the chap that, for some reason, was chosen (by 3G) to do comdey idents, before channel 4’s comedy programmes. NOT A FUNNY MAN.
Not one thing has ever made me even smile. He has, however, made me want to kick the TV in. I haven’t as yet.
Ooh, I forgot to do this the other day, and it had got me all riled trying to think about who I randomly hate the most. So riled I had to go & make a relaxing cup of tea… which is when I relaxed & forgot all about it. Anyway, better late than never. Here goes…
Jenni Falconer – a) because she’s clearly a secret chav if she spells Jenni with an i. b) her snaggly tooth is distracting and when she talks it hypnotises me, which I think may part of her sadistic plan to make us all watch more crap lottery tv and c) she’s a vacuous waste of oxygen with nothing original to offer… and is also way prettier than me
b) Gina Yashere – because not only is she lacking in humour of any kind; seriously, come on, can anyone remember her ever making you laugh? intentionally i mean and not because she looks like she’s wearing her grandad’s false teeth! she’s never cracked an actual joke in her life. people laugh out of politeness; we’re british, it’s what we do! plus she’s made herself a career out of being the “token” and for that I have no respect for her… well, that and her enormous teeth, and her inability to be funny. oh, and the fact that I think she’s actually a bloke with his cock tucked between his legs, like a beaten dog. she’s not prettier than me either.
Oh yeah and Robbie Williams. I want to hit him in the face with a spade, but I don’t think I need to justify that though.
gary “wanker’s hair cut” rhodes.
i mean honestly what a tool.
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