Alright, I know that most of Le Square aren’t particularly au fait with technology. Most of them don’t even own doorbells. But imagine – can you imagine – if they discovered the power of Twitter? No more ill-advised confessionals over a gin and Jif Lemon down the Vic. They could pour themselves forth on the internet instead and have the whole of soap land stumble upon their nasty little secrets. Or, in Chelsea’s case, what she’s thinking of doing with her fringe this week…
ThisisJanine
- knows a secret
- knows another secret
- knows a big fat secret and not telling you nah nah
- does anybody want to know a secret
AlriteStace
- max if youre reading this then you know that you an me was the best thing eva you are neva gonna find n e one as good as me and you kno it…
- …dont you kno it i kno you knos it if i find out who youre with i am gonna cut them up big mo has got a stanley knife it is a real big one not…
- …like yours if you get my meaning and i know that you get my meaning but that doesnt matter max cos i loves you n e way and i am STACEY SLATER ICE SKATER…
HornyDawny
- has sum serious thinking to do
- Bored of thinking. Going to Primark.
FoxyChelsea
- hello?!?
- how doez this thing work? tb peeps?
- just got one of my nails stuck in the keyboard
- need emergency manicure laterz peeps
Bradders
- kicking back with a star trek box set and some hot cross buns
- Dog stood in front of tv. Can’t get him to move.
- Girlfriend’s dog now stood in front of dog in front of tv.
- Ironing my favourite tie.
BealeEnterprises
- Just secured a cut-price deal on teatowels for the café, using my incredible business acumen.
- Somebody has stolen the top off the vinegar bottle in the chippy. This is what comes of giving out free condiments.
- From now on, 15p per shake. You’ve brought this on yourselves.
HotRox
- My nipples are well chafing in this top
- Can u give vodka to 6 month old?
- Never mind shes stopped screaming now. put basic instinct on. one of her faves.
WhitneySpears
- feels like running away
- is packing
- has finished packing and is def running away
- in a minute
- just gonna watch hollyoaks and then def running away
Christ-I-An
- still recovering from Pride. Six blokes and a Turkish bath house!
- Meeting for drinks with my favourite ‘Masala Queen’.
- Has just enjoyed some spicy afternoon delight
- OH FOR CHRIST SAKE WHY DO I BOTHER? GOING TO DIE ALONE IN JANE’S SPARE ROOM.
SyedBid’ah
- is going to chop some okra and relieve this upcoming wedding stress!
75 Comments
I reckon that if they branded gin in The Queen Vic it’d be called Hogarths.
Or ‘warts ‘n’ all’
It’s a bit quiet in here today. Is everyone on holiday?
I’m not.
It’s like an abandoned library.
I’m not on holiday either. Except in my head.
I’m not on holiday either.
Fucking slow work-wise too… just me?
That all depends, the job centre are snowed under.
I reckon it all went to shit when ASWAD stopped making hit records. Damn you, ASWAD!
Love it.
Chin up – have yourself some reggae reggae sauce
Did you know ASWAD was an acronym for
Aaah
So
Where
Are
Drugs?
As they were all hooked up the drugs
I’m on holiday…
I have 2 bottles of Reggae Reggae and 3 toaster bags in my kitchen.
What the eff is a toaster bag?
I’ve got some toaster bags that came free with my toaster. No idea what they’re for.
Is it a scrotum?
You put a butty in it and it comes out as a toastie. It’s like magic.
What happens if you put reggae reggae sauce in it? Do you get ASWAD?
When would you want to toast your butt?
U R SIKC
ASWAD wouldn’t use toaster bags. They’d just have normal toast. Toast covered in drugs.
Jam and crack.
They POP tarts.
We use fucking toaster fucking bags. The favourite amongst the lads is a plain cheese toastie with a mixture of cheddar and red leicester on it – creates a good 2 tone effect!
I’ve got some of them at home. My mum gave them to me. Never used. Sad, isn’t it.
I love toaster bags and I spend all my money on them!
Do you have to hide them when she comes round? Next to the Tupperware and the coasters she also gave you?
Sorry to boast, but I’ve got a Breville sandwich toaster. I look down my nose at you toaster bag-using paupers. Especially you, Bad Manners, you fat git.
Emsbabee: It’s trickier than that; she will arrive and knowingly ask if she can have something to eat. When asked what she might like, a “toasted cheese sandwich” is always amongst the options. Clearly, as I can’t readily locate the bags, I have to make her one of the other choices. A typical conversation might go like this:
“Hi mum, great to see you – good journey?”
“Yes, but the food on the train was awful so I’m quite peckish you know…”
“Sure, what would you like?”
“Oooh, I don’t know. A nice toasted cheese sandwich perhaps, or maybe just something simple – lobster thermidore, beef wellington, edomae chirashizushi, you know, just a snack to keep the wolf from the door?”
“Arse!”
And then when you present her with a lovingly prepared feast, does she sigh and push it aside, muttering ‘you have failed me’?
Emsbabee: You’ve met her, haven’t you…
I think I sat opposite her on a train once, she was telling the entire carriage about how she couldn’t wait to get to her son’s house and for some proper, decent, toasted fare.
Christ, if you go todays Sun you can find pics of Jordan (real name Katie Price) with her tits in.
Emsbabee: Now I’ve got the fear again.
She’s going to run out of flesh to bare soon and have to start posing with her kidneys out.
They did a piece on The Brevel on that awful One Show last week. Spent ten pointless minutes on it. The conclusion? Not very nice….
Lord Reith, spinning, grave etc etc etc ….
Haha! That was an excellent post, fankoooo for entertaining three minutes of my afternoon.
Emsbabee: My mum?
Rosz – any time. Well, next week probably.
Fourstar – No, Jordan. Unless…she is your mum?
Nick – What is The Brevel?
Nick means Breville, the illiterate buffoon.
It’s the English version of the Breville or something…
Yeah, Nick
*pushes Nick*
Emsbabee: hang on, I’ll check…
…no.
Oh, the Breville. Argos’ finest export.
Bloody rubbish spell check.
*pushes back*
“pushes back”
GAY
*calls prefect*
Bastards….
Why doesn’t Harry Hill change his first name to ‘Hairy?’
These sorts of things annoy me
That showed em.
*gets pushed by prefect*
Bollox!
I think that’s what he was christened P.
I have a George Formby and a 4-birth toasty machine and yet I always grab for the toaster bags. They are a dream and easy to clean.
About three years ago, I had an interview at the Beeb, where I tried to convince them to give each character and each writer a twtter account, in order to round out the ‘BBCniverse’ and fill in story gaps. Needless to say, no one brought it.
PERHAPS HARRY HILL SHOULD CHANGE HIS NAME TO BLUEBERRY?
I’ve been thinking of getting one of those George Foreman grill things. Can anybody recommend it?
I can. Get the green one!
Lean and mean like me…
my lean mean and green
grilling machine
Everyone I know who has one says they are brilliant (apparently the Philips ones are just as good – if not better – and cheaper).
I would, but I have no space to store one as my cupboards are full of fucking toaster bags.
Could you put the toaster bag in the george foreman grill?
Get the green one. It’s the Goldilocks of the range.
Get the four string to start with then work your way up
DINLT – Yes, you could as the toaster bag is made from a heat resistant fibre that was pioneered by NASA on the moon.
I just put a griddle on to of a standard hob oven…
http://homeappliances.files.wordpress.com/2006/11/168999_electric_griddle_lrg_1098890903050.jpg
…seems to do the trick.
I love stuff like that. If it was engineered for space operations then I’m in.
**looks at NASA pen that can write upside down and non stick frying pan.
Digital alarm clocks?
*pops in*
Hello everyone. I have just popped into my IRL mum’s (sorry mam) for a home cooked meal and a shower after the Big Chill.
I just thought that you might like to know that, while at the said festival, I saw Matthew Wright off of the Wright Stuff in a flourescent orange tutu and dayglo orange hat. He was hanging around with a group of 20yo women dressed in fairy costumes.
That is all.
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifestyle/article-23728730-details/Thandie+Newton+-+My+London/article.do#readerComments
Didn’t people used to wear toaster bags with platform shoes? Perhaps that was just me.
Piqued – I think having the good sense to steal money from your kid’s money box “for parking” shows that Thandie has her feet on the ground. Especially as it implies that she actually keeps the kid’s money box *in the car*.
The evening standard is amongst the worst newspapers that exists. I really cannot stand it.
DINLT. It’s abhorrent. Always fun to post comments though and fight the fucking readers
Where as The Echo is a great read..
http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/yoursay/blogs/blogosphere/4534861.The_best_of_Hampshire_s_blogs/
Fish fingers, smiley faces and beans for tea tonight!
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifestyle/article-23728730-details/Thandie+Newton+-+My+London/article.do#readerComments
Oh yes!
It’s RELENTLESS….I refuse to buy that bloomin autobiography!
Ha! Ha!
http://www.dailyecho.co.uk/yoursay/blogs/blogosphere/4534861.The_best_of_Hampshire_s_blogs/
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[...] If Eastenders characters were on Twitter…. I know that most of Le Square aren’t particularly au fait with technology. Most of them don’t even own doorbells. But imagine – can you imagine – if they discovered the power of Twitter? No more ill-advised confessionals over a gin and Jif Lemon down the Vic. [...]
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