Is this what Channel 4 thinks everybody looks like at festivals?
Slipping their sinewy limbs into pristine pink wellies, making tea with their blindingly shiny kettle? Managing to navigate the dodgems without throwing up? I’ve never been to V – do they have somewhere for you to plug in your travel iron?
Whoever made this advert has obviously been to a festival. They’ve got the basics right. There’s usually somebody handing out free hugs. The toilets make your nostrils sting. Expressing yourself through the medium of glo-sticks always seems like the right idea.
But the catwalk aura this advert projects sets my well-worn teeth even further on edge. People don’t parade about looking like this lot. Not unless they’ve an incredibly selective set of genes, a disposable wardrobe and the confidence that both of these blessings bring with them.
I have been to a fair few festivals, and I’ve normally ended up surviving on bread rolls and fizzy sweets for four days, tucking cans of cider into my knickers and creeping furtively past security, lying in my sticky tent listening to the people around me coughing up last night’s excesses. If I wear lipstick, it normally ends up round my eyebrows.
Most of us fashion waterproof gear out of bin-liners, dance like trolls at an underground rave and smear Nachos down our fronts. We don’t tend to turn our irritatingly radiant faces up to the heavens and watch in wonder as a paper lantern seems to symobilise our rapid ascent into bliss. Our vision is normally far too hazy and unreliable by that point.
*end of football comment*
23 Comments
fp! what do i win? c’mon – a sky sports subscription?
well, at least they got it bang-on with the music to accompany the ads. i’ve paid no attention to them except it’s nice hearing that track in the background.
i know… why have a tv on if you’re not watching it… hey ho. THAT’S YOU’RE JOB!
I saw some of the coverage on C4 and it was, at best, the T4 On The Beach Sunshine Radio 1 Roadshow and, at worst, The Smash Hits Poll Winners Party.
Was it always like that?
“THAT’S YOU’RE JOB!” what was i thinking? i hate myself that little bit more now.
*cringe*
i always look forward to festival coverage (being a fan of sitting in a comfortable room and not tripping my face off in mud listening to the orb), but i always end up disappointed.
it’s always snippets and junk. never the stuff *you* want to see, but some other spod’s choice. even the glaster’s coverage gets on my nerves when they have so-called artists perform acoustically in an intimate setting. i just want them to HAVE IT AND GO MENTAL. it makes me want to reach for a warm cup of drinking chocolate and put my slippers on instead of dancing around the room naked with my underwear on my head.
another annoyance – any festival presented by one of the two Ferns. the young one without the brain (saucer of milk pls). ok, it’s tv candy but WHY do they allow her to open her mouth?
bring back john peel. can we clone him?
I went on a beer tasting trip with the hotel across from me yesterday and now I’ve discovered I got drunk and volunteered to write and article for the local paper and design a beer logo for the pumps. Beer makes you do daft things. Hmm.
But anyway…I’ve not seen Bananaman at a festival in my life. Or people eating food.
My last big festival was Reading a few years ago. I managed to blag VIP tickets and got to camp in the VIP area (showers and clean toilets). Also got access to backstage bar and food tents. It’s a different world, I can never go back to falling into a shitty tent in a shitty field smelling shitty of shit. NEVER!
Dave, you went on a trip “with” a hotel?
I’ve been backstage at these sorts of things too, Nick. It’s the same as being out with the paying audience, only with free beer, a shit view of the stage, roadie twats, manager twats, hanger-on twats (journalists) and the utter hatred of the paying public every time you leave the VIP enclosure.
i think the manic street preachers got it right about festivals…
Bgeek – Thanks for that. Whatever that meant. Thanks.
I wouldn’t say hatred Naps, more like pity….
bgeek: Do you refer to the time Nicky Wire, onstage at Glastonbury, shouted ‘they should build a fucking bypass over this shithole’?
If so, nice memory skills.
It’s sometimes possible to forget this song exists. We must never forget.
JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG.
Glastonbury’s full of wazzocks and charlatans. Every other shop seems to be selling tie-dye clothes, cannabis-smoking paraphenalia, Furry Freak Brothers comics and Tarot cards. I’ve had one of them Tarot readings, and it turned out to be tommyrot.
AND I got a palm reading off of one of them Gypsy women that was claptrap. I don’t see the two kids she reckoned I’d have with the she-devil I used to go out with happening. She hates my guts, for a start.
I like The Charlatans but haven’t heard of The Wazzocks before – are they like The Buzzcocks?
How to blow a little chimp’s mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM-KQxgtOao
http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/2830/beerlogofinal.png
Who wants Golden Ale?
V festival? haw haw. Someone once told me they went to V because it was less commercial than Glastonbury, forgetting that the festival is named after a global brand.
Glasto was good, when I went a few years ago and I may go again but I’ve been spoiled by All Tomorrows Parties at Butlins in Minehead – http://www.atpfestival.com/Events/ExplosionsATP/LineUp.php
It’s fantastic, Butlins is closed for the weekend, you get to stay in the Chalets (next to the bands too so you can hang about with them) and you can use all the facillities like the Cinema, Crazy golf, Pool etc.
Plus you have a bed and a kitchen. It’s fab.
I stayed at Butlins in Minehead for Hard Rock Hell a couple of years ago. My chalet was like a decent city centre hotel room, there was no Ted Bovis and no knobbly knees contest. Thus, it was SHIT.
True, there was no knobbly knees contest which was disappointing but this year there was Andrew WK, who was surprisingly good / hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsJAD1V8TQ4
He was on his own, and spent the first 15 minutes building up and telling us how good a time we were gonna have until we were literally frenzied.
Surprisingly good, but missed the end of him as we had to leave to watch Devo! (who were amazing!)
The buggers have moved the Rock one to Pontins now. I didn’t go in the end as I got the cruise ship shitting disease, but I’m told by my editor that it was like Auschwitz.
Auschwitz with Thin Lizzy.
Yeah the Chalets do have a surprisingly ‘cold war barracks’ feel to them from the outside. It’s the kind of place that would make a good setting for a post – apocalyptic zombie movie.
In a good way though.
I was in them ones off to the right past the football pitches. I was surprised to find a leather sofa, a plasma screen TV and a complimentary bottle of wine.
AND free fudge. FREE FUDGE!
Ignore me. I’m testing my avatar on an old post so as not to disturb the ebb and flow of creativity. Sorry all.