A strange thing on Channel 4 last week. In these days of sensationalist, headline-focused documentaries, Cutting Edge returned with an actual, cast-iron wedge of factual entertainment.
The Red Lion was a lovely little 50-minute slice of actual reality, where award-winning documentary-maker Sue Bourne travelled the country visiting local pubs throughout the nation, meeting the eccentrics and all the familiar character types you’d expect to see along the way. Robert, of the Red Lion in Kent, was a particular find. A mustachioed charmer in the mould of the much-missed Viv Stanshall, Ken was a high-functioning alcoholic with a cheeky but misty grin and an ever-present mug of ale in his hand. It was refreshing to see this kind of true English hero still exists.
In fact, the whole documentary was refreshing to see, as Bourne followed the essential dictum that the story should come to you.
As we’ve all discovered over the last few years, documentary-makers who don’t allow the story to come to them tend to follow spurious tabloid headlines and end up interviewing completely uninteresting nobodies for BBC Three.
Three cheers for Sue Bourne, for the great English boozer and, most importantly, for Robert of the Red Lion in Kent.
Hip hip!
188 Comments
Hooray!
I loved this documentary. Robert deserves a medal for keeping the tradition of being a proper old-fashioned boozy landlord alive. Hats off to him and his collapsed lung!
He is most definitely pished.
Bless him.
I’ll give this a look later..
Agreed – this was excellent.
Did anyone see last night’s whatever it is Jeremy Vine hosts? It was the one about racism in Bristol – undercover asian reporters posing as recent immigrants.
Christ, it was totally depressing. And parts of Bristol are so nice…
Jesus Christ – look at this skewed take: http://thinkofengland.blogspot.com/2009/10/panorama-stitch-up.html
I saw that, Swineshead. What amazed me was how wet behind the ears the two reporters were. “I had no idea this level of racism went on in Britain,” they wailed. Well no, you wouldn’t. People who work for the BBC and lead fairly cushy lives in London tend to listen to idiots like Trevor Phillips when he informs us everything’s alright in Britain race-wise. Living near a BNP hot-spot, this documentary didn’t surprise me in the slightest.
By the way, it’s good to see Sheffield’s kebab shops have claimed another victim.
Well – it was the new-look Panorama. It was never going to be massively insightful. What annoyed me about that article I linked to was the excuse-making element. There’s no excuse.
Talking about class is really avoiding the issue, isn’t it?
Class always some part in it, this being Britain. It would, however, be nice if they for once did an undercover job on the bigwigs, posh nobs and hoo-hahs.
“Did you see they’ve let a fuzzy-wuzzy into Sandhurst, Carstairs?”
“A nigger? At Sandhurst? Dear God, Malmsbury, what next? Nabobs and ab-dabs marching up Horse Guard’s Parade?”
“Country’s going to the bloody dogs, Carstairs.”
“Still, at least we’ve made a pretty packet over this recession business, eh? Haw haw!”
“Haw haw haw haw!”
“HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!”
“HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!”
I think the class aspect can be relevant but it does depend.
80s tits?
80s tits were generally big.
I’ve retracted on my comment in that article a little bit, by the way.
I agree, Nappers, there’s very little in the way of undercover stuff regarding the big guns. It’s always the police and the underclass/underworld – all relevant targets but not worth repeating at the expense of fat cats. or chubby pussies.
did someone mention 80s tits?
Maybe the telly people don’t see two enormously fat rich men making casual racist remarks in high-backed leather chairs in a club in London as making interesting TV?
Yes, am I right in my guess that found my blog by googling the Panorama programme in the hope of finding someone racist to laugh at?
A miss.
No – I wanted to read a balanced, enlightening review of the show. I found your article – itself a massive miss.
Speaking of day-to-day racism, I was in a taxi earlier this year, and the (white) driver was moaning that ‘the fucking pakis’ had the taxi business sewn up in Sheffield.
He said that to me from the front seat of his taxi. Just before I handed him £6.50 for a taxi ride.
IN HIS TAXI.
I’m white and (thanks to Mrs Nick) middle class. My experience of racism is somewhat limited…
I didnt watch panorama ( on the grounds that its usually shite these days) but I think that article you referenced makes a valid point. Plus, theyve got Bryan Appleyard on their team – which is good enough for me.
Hello Bryan! Keep up the sterling work.
Nick – It’s all rage up here! Racism’s the new black in places like Rotherham, Barnsley and the bits of Sheffield the council pretends doesn’t exist. If we’re lucky, we’ll get a BNP councillor in the next elections. Huzzah!
I’ve read about those BNP councillor types in Private Eye.
“they rarely turn up to council meetings, when they do they don’t understand what is going on and they’re all on the fiddle cont p94…
That’s what Private Eye said
It’s a valid point, but I felt it was badly made.
Anyhow – back to Great British landlords.
Have you seen the advert for the prog on C4, Race and Intelligence: Science’s Last Taboo? Looks interesting, but need to see it before I cast judgement. I thought the advert was quite clever.
Part of this series:
http://raceandscience.channel4.com/
Sorry SH – I dunned it before I saw your change of subject post.
SOZ
No worries at all Ms Clarry.
I also didn’t see the Red Lion prog, although I had planned on watching it. I always thought it would be a good idea to do a prog on those weird, eternally drunk but rarely hammered bar flies. When I used to work in a pub I used to hate working the day shifts, pre or post lunch time – trying to avoid making small talk with a man nursing the same 1/2 pint all afternoon.
According to my clock, I am posting in the future.
*waves at old self*
Racism isn’t purely black and white though. For example a lot of racial tensions exist in Caribbean, Somali and Jamaican communities (I hate that word, sounds patronising somehow) and these are seldom addressed outside of Operation Trident.
Racism exists everywhere, doesn’t it? In every community, you’ll find racism. To pretend we’re all getting along together just sweeps it under the carpet.
Plus, I saw a lovely pair of tits on the internet this morning. Fucking lovely, they were.
I agree, NC. Just mentioning it (meedja) because it’s all focussed on colour, not race, ironically.
Would being racist mean that you wouldn’t like tits from all races?
I missed Robert of the Red Lion. He sounds lovely. But if you want to be truly nauseated by a pub, look no further than Peep Peeps.
Good point Nick. I like dead bodies so it’s blue/green tits for me everytime
BTW if you’re at work, the swearing in the Peep Peeps programme starts at about 1′10″.
Napoleon is sniping at us Londoners again. You bloomin’ racist!
Not everybody leads a cushy life in London Napoleon, so I suggest you stop promoting stereotypical images of your southern brothers.
Right I am off to the Bistro for lunch…expenses of course! ciao, ciao.
I agree with stevie wonder and paul mccartney who said black people and white people should live ’side by side on the piano kee-board, oh lord why cant we?’
This strident political thinking would solve both the racism and housing problems in one foul-swoop. But I’ve yet to hear any political party adopting it, the fools.
Desmond Tutu used it on the tell the other night (piano keyboard thing) something about choirs it was…
So are you suggesting we cut down all the trees and slaughter elephants just because of your wild views Mingles? You disgust me!
That was a bloody dreadful song though…
On the other hand, CM, Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson had an argument over whether “the girl is mine”. McCartney is quick to drop his peace and harmony ideals when there’s a Lady involved.
yes nick – I believe he gets all of his crazy ideas from that political think-tank maverick sir paul mccartney.
I seem to remember him attempting to solve the afghan war by suggesting the controversial idea of playing pan pipes in war zones to bring about peace – which simply ended in the gruesome death of 12000 annoying peruvian street-musicians.
Which to give desmond his due, is almost as good as world peace anyway, when you think about it.
good point pilchard.
god its like question time on here these days.
It wasn’t yesterday. They haven’t discussed tits on question time for years..
Well my solution to the woes of the world is simple. Just invite your neighbour in and get to know them. It could take some planning coz if you invite your neighbour in, they might be at their neighbours and thus you would not be able to invite them. However with some detailed planning it could work!
I think a trip to The Red Lion for a few sharpeners might be in order…
As usual, McCartney is ahead of us all, DINLT. One of his hits with the sensational Wings was called “Let ‘Em In”. He must have been in one of his inclusive moods on that day. (It even features a version of the chimes of Big Ben done on doorbells.)
Go to Peep Peeps, Nick. It’s very handy if you happen to be hanging around the docks in Aberdeen.
That McCartney is a visionary!
Sex scandal rocks celebrity nursing home!
Am I too late to guide the conversation back towards 80s tits…?
pilchard – Yes, I believe in civil-war torn Rwanda the Hutus briefly stopped butchering innocent hutu tribe and instead laid down their blood-soaked machettes when they heard mccartney’s plaintif and poignant song.
However, it merely gave them a better idea to ‘ let em in’ ie: to herd the innocent victims into one vast area and thus murder them far more quickly and efficiently than previously.
Mccartney wrote movingly about this ironic misinterpretation in The Frog Chorus a few years later.
The Frog Chorus? What’s that?
Oh, you mean We All Stand Together …
Ho ho!
(Pedants – 1 Mingles – 0)
Napoleon – ‘We all stand together’ Remind me again – was that the one mccartney wrote in response to the overcrowding in city centres following his think-tank paper on inner-city renewal?
I believe his central premis was that we could reduce the average social space around each individual by as much as three square feet if we simply all ’stand’ (closer) together!’
A brilliant contribution to the debate on social engineering – not to mention also a catchy number with some frogs.
No, he wrote it for a Rupert the Bear movie.
I think you’ll find that like all great art – it works on many layers.
90s tits anyone?
’90s tits are my favourite, Mingles. In my opinion, the ’90s was when the Private organisation came into its own.
*gets wistful*
*digs out copy of Summer Wind II*
Whats the ‘Private organisation’? Looking at tits in private?
Pilch – Love the link. Peep peeps seems just the place for a germophobe like me. And the prices weren’t bad either!
That bit about Flaff’s travel blanket and Stacey giving the cap’ain fish fingers made me do a big snort.
Did they have tits in the 90s?
Christ, not afternoon tit talk again…
Mingles – THESE BASTARDS.
NSFW AT ALL!
now I have to ask what NSFW means.
Youre not making this very easy. Do I have to go through the palaver of joining the big boys club all over again?
Ive got far better things to do, you know*
*Thinks: I have nothing better to do, you know …*
You’re an arse, Mingles.
Anyway, why are you suddenly around again? Have you lost your job wrecking banks?
Im only here for a few days sir. So enjoy my hilarious company when you can.
Tonight on Live From Studio Five – who should win Celebrity Mum of The Year?
Katie P’s on the shortlist.
nice to see you havent changed you miserable twat.
Speaking of spurious awards, I was pleased to see the Happy Shopper Mariah Carey off of Girls Aloud has won ‘Yorkshire Woman of the Year’. For doing what exactly, I don’t know, but hats off to her anyway.
*removes hat*
*reveals head-poo*
“afternoon tit talk ” fantastic Clarry, I don’t know how you do it.
I’d watch that Nick. though I think loose women have already done this. that said, I havent watched this show since Kay Adams presented it back in the glorious 90s.
Damn it, I accidentally clicked on that link WITHOUT LOOKING Nap and have now contaminated my computer with all prons.
Nick – Fuck off
I’ve got an ology
Anyone have chance to read the comments section on the Peep Peeps link yet?
e.g. “trust me just cuz they dont av massive muslls(cant spell) i dont mean there hard trust me i live in aberdeen and i wouldent even croos them nobody would”
I’d trust him Clarry, I’d trust him with my lifes
I did warn you, Clarry.
*accepts no responsibility*
I have massive mussls. I got them from the chip shop. I don’t reckon 00’s tits are up to much to be honest – there’s no glamour about them. What tits need is a bit of razzle-dazzle
I know you did… at the bottom. AFTER i’d already clicked on it.
*hopes the powers that be read this and my earlier comment that it was clicked on accidentally*
im not sure its the toughest pub in britain clarry. But that lanlord could certainly be entered into the ‘most unpleasant c*nt in britain’ award. I think esther rantzen hosts that one.
I watched it sans volume, which enabled me to concentrate on his fine rack.
How do you rate his 00s tits chaps?
I was also dead impressed with the man who could burn his hand with a lighter. Hands off ladies, he’s mine!
I thought that was cool too, Clarry
Bet you he can’t snip off the tip of his penis off though, I can…
*snips tip off penis*
Doesn’t hurt
*looks stoically into camera with tears streaming*
*swoons a bit (at Piqued)*
*has swooned already*
his tits are gorgeous clarry – classic 70s crackers I would say. And his toilet’s in a far better state than mine. ( bet you enjoyed that bit)
that said, he’ll lose a few of his michelin stars if hes not careful.
Do you think the man sloped off to the loos after that shot, to cool his burning flesh under the tap? Those lovely, sterile toilets…
P.S Scottish people (ahem, that’s you CM), what are Crabbies?
Why did the landlord take the cameraman into the toilet anyway? Was it to show what great facilities he had, or to view the place where lots of customers have been stabbed up?
As currently being documented over on Downtuned, I’m from Weymouth, voted ‘Britain’s second hardest seaside town’ in a similarly exhaustive piece of investigative journalism. Whilst filming there I distinctly heard a chap in the local pub remark to camera “If I can’t kick ‘em down I’ll bite ‘em”. That man, my follow-up research revealed, was a Walter softy type of very little brain. I have a feeling they may have been playing up to camera, but that doesn’t make burning yourself with a lighter anyless cool and hard does it?
*burns fingers off with lighter*
damn-how are you supposed to light fags if you’ve scorched your own fingers off? Hoist by my own Petard!
*elbows Piqued out of the way*
*straightens clothes and smootes hair*
Oh hi, Inteceptor, fancy seeing you here!
*chews gum provocatively*
hes a thoroughly unpleasant man clarry, who can fathom a mind like that.
I wasnt really paying attention to the words, I was more transfixed by his tits and his cocksure brimming confidence ( he seemed unaware that ‘britains toughest pub’ is an obvious euphamism for ’ britains smelliest pub run by deranged stinky old men wanking off to street prossies and populated by grimy simpletons’)
Ive no idea what context ‘crabbies’ was said in. its either a ginger cordial to accompany whisky or a form of genital itching.
My my, Its like call my bluff in ‘ere.
i would offer you a fag Clarry, but I’ve been forced to quit on account of having me fingers scorched off – want to watch me play the fruities for 6 hours in a row instead?
Skegness could ‘ave Weymouth with one hand tied behind its fucking back.
Interceptor..I live in a pretty rough part of town. Here’s my story.
Was in the local pub, waiting to be served. Chap was served before me, though I had been waiting longer. Realsising his mistake..he said ” Sorry mate…” and then turning to the bar maid added “and a pint for DINLT!”.
Shocking!
A bloke nearly bumped into me at the station. He apologised.
Modern life eh..it’s terrible!
Apparently Brighton is hardest Naps… DINLT – what sort of pint?
A pint of bitter Interceptor!
ah, a proper manly drink, garuanteed to see you knee-deep in 80s tits before the night is done, marvelous work DINLT!
Brighton? The hardest? Never been to Prestatyn or Whitley Bay, then? Or Cleethorpes?
Brighton would get twatted off of St. Ives, DINLT.
Sorry, not DINLT. I meant to direct that at Interceptor and his PUSSY of a seaside town.
Meanwhile, over on Twitter, Philip Schofield says:
@Schofe First job is to get the ladder out (in the pouring rain) and cut off the branch that tapped on our bedroom window all last night in the wind
FALL, YOU BASTARD.
+++Legitimate TV news and comment+++
“want to watch me play the fruities for 6 hours in a row instead?”
Hahh ahhah hahhh aaah… Yes purlease Interceptor! Can I look really bored whilst I watch you?
Great!
Crabbies were on the menu CM, so God only knows…
http://i694.photobucket.com/albums/vv307/Clarry_2009/Crabbies-1.jpg
If you want hard go to Hastings. There is a tea shop which does a wonderful cream tea in the afternoon. It can get quite ugly.
Fuck Interceptor and his fruit machines, Clarry. I have a Ford Escort XR3i and I’m more than willing to drive it past where you and your mates are leaning up against a wall smoking over and over again. AND I’ve got ten Embassy Number 1 in the glove compartment.
Clarry, that’s a real mystery. Mr Google suggests an alcoholic ginger beer, which is made in Leith (ie Edinburgh). But Peep Peep’s can’t surely be selling it for 50p, as it’s about 1.99 a bottle.
Maybe Peep Peep’s crabbies are some kind of scratching.
Crabbies is Ginger Wine
Have you got one of those needlessly loud exhaust pipes? And roughly how many laps are you prepared to do to catch my attention?
Will you go twos on one of those fags?
And a bottle of your house ginger please!
an XR31 Naps? Fuck That-what you need is a Cosworth with a fuck off spoiler – parked on the seafront. Remember though-you must never, ever move the car.
Weymouth’s a fucking hellhole-check it out on the Olympics, or in shit richard curtis film The Boat That Rocked seaside town fans!
Yeah, but the prices in Peep Peeps are weird full stop Pilch. £1.10 for ‘wine’, whether that actual, real life wine remains to be seen. It’s probably something he’s brewed at home, with all hairs in.
I’m sure there are harder pubs in Aberdeen where you can get thistle cordial and a bag of scabs.
BTW – Embassy? Shouldn’t it be B&H?
Interceptor – It was Embassy all the way round our parts. I then went on to ‘miners wives fags’ (Superking black) and then roll ups until I gave up.
*wives’
Clarry – I’m prepared to do any amount of laps if it guarantees I get to suck a large, unsightly bruise into your neck. Oh, and I’ll save you a tab on my fag – that’s my best offer.
Interceptor – A Ford Sierra RS Cosworth? Hello hello hello … looks like somebody’s trying to impress the girls with daddy’s money …
NC is nearer the mark with Embassy, but he’d been on the money with Lambert and Butler
Or Royals – coz you got the bonus 5 fags.
To be honest, I had a mark II I couldn’t drive, but made up for it by smoking JPS- ah, the sweet sweet taste of asbestos…
L&B – that’s right on the money, Piqued.
****”Screeches in…in …a Scooby doo…****
XR3i, Sierra Cosworth…pah…
****doughnuts****
****screeches off fast in cloud of smoke****
Done deal Nap.
*offers up neck for sucking*
What music’s playing in the car, Naps? Is it Queen, Springsteen or Sabbath? I have a sneaking feeling it might be Blue Oyster Cult.
Piqued – Lambos? Only stegs smoked Lambos.
And you got four fags more in Royals, not five.
Pichard, surely Techno?
Or was it five?
I was too fucked on Thunderbird back then to notice.
Some of us are going to have a fire on the beach later, and sing American Pie (badly).
I do remember a local businessman with a Lambo who used to park up next to the boy racers to anoy them. What a sad, lonely man he must have been…
I was kind of imagining that Naps’s car would have an eight track, Piqued. Can you get “techno” on eight track?
…yes, stegs drive souped-up 90’s saloons do they not?
Actually, maybe it was 4…
Like I say I was hooked on the mighty and very long Superking black by then.
Pilch – yep definitely techno or gabba.
Interceptor – Lambo = Lambert & Butler
If someone had turned up in my local town driving a Lamborghini, he would have been mercilessly beaten to death for being a flash bastard.
“…yes, stegs drive souped-up 90’s saloons do they not?”
No, which is why I said they smoked Embassy Number 1s – THE Ford Escort driver’s fag.
I put a “My other car is a Ferrari” sticker on my car.
…the thing is my car is a Lambourghini.
Job opportunity: Procter & Gamble are looking for people to work in their Charmin-branded toilets. They want people who “revel in their own love of the loo” and “enjoy going to the bathroom so much that they never want to leave”. Start queuing now.
Interceptor/DINLT – I remember one night me and the boy were in Newcastle. As we were walking along we could see a bit of a commotion and there was this Ferrari parked up, with a very smug player-type leaning up against it. Moments later a bright green Lambourghini parked next to it, and everyone stopped looking at him and started gawping at his rival. You could almost see the Ferrari man’s cock wilt.
“90’s”
*wonders if Piqued will ever get plurals*
BTW, that was a joke I neither have a Ferrari nor a Lambourghini, nor a “My other car is a Ferrari sticker.”
T
Were you at a popular dogging location Clarry?
*continues to fuck off*
I know it was, I was just telling you a James-esque anecdote related to the topic.
On a lighter note…
To be honest-fuck escorts, get a Capri, and play creedence really fucking loudly. You cant go wrong.
*dons stetson and lights cigar*
Still giving me hours of fun
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/soundboards/play/1835/
Nick – re dogging: ?
I only told you to fuck off earlier because you were being needless sarcastic to me.
*sets my new boyfriend Nap on Nick*
Actually i have always liked the Capri. The MK1 I think is a nice car. If I could find a decent one with a 2.0L engine for a good price, I would be interested.
I can’t think of a more inappropriate motor car to play Creedence in than a Ford fucking Capri. Rainbow, yes. Boston, yes. Shit, even ELO … but Creedence?
*attacks Nick*
mmm, it is still quite cool, get a canvas top with the blown front if you can, although to be honest for the same cash you could pick up a 308 Mustang – depends on your opinion of yank cars I spose…
rumages through mountain of old Auto Traders…
The Capri would have to have a black vinyl roof, IMO.
No vinyl roof for me.
Never liked American cars. The original Ford Mustang could only go 97mph.
A Mustang?
An American muscle car for Creedence-listening purposes? Have you actually heard any Creedence?
Creedence + doobies + brown acid + VW Camper + 1968 = Far out, man.
You’re an IDIOT, Interceptor.
Whatever happened to those wooden bead things that people had on the back of their car seats? Were they all melted down to make trident missiles or something?
European cars are best..especially with regard to design. If you actually want it to go..then I suggest a German manufacturer is best. Those Alfa’s look good though.
DINLT – If, however, you want it to go forever, buy Japanese.
In fact, scratch that. Buy Toyota.
I’d listen to SkyNyrd in my Mustang. Creedence demands a smaller, dodgier vehicle altogether…
An old post office van with a mattress in the back was always quite a good look round our way.
“Creedence + doobies + brown acid + VW Camper + 1968 = Far out, man.”
LOLZ Nap – it must be that heady cocktail of endless laps and saving me the tab of your fag, but I think you are extra-specially funny today,
Yep..i agree about Toyota especially the 4×4. Indeed in countries where a 4×4 is a necessity, there is only one choice.
With regard to Japanese road cars, you can always tell which European design they have copied or had in mind. Good engines though.
I’ve only ever had Fords, because I learned on a Ford, and I don’t want to go through all the hassle of learning where the controls are on other manufacturers’ cars.
Clarry, I havent read all the comments since I last posted but Im guessing no one has answered that fascinating question.
If its on the menu, then its undoubtedly Crabbies Green Ginger, which is a bitter and disgusting mixer for whisky made here in edinburgh. thats how hard we are.
Thanks, Clarry. I’ll never leave you, girl, not even when you’re fetching up our babbie.
*gets mate to dump Clarry*
How many girlfriends have you had Pilch?
Hey, I’ve spoken to girls, DINLT.
Yes I have.
Thanks CM, but we have already established that. Didn’t Fred off of Corry used to drink some ginger and whiskey concoction? Can’t remember what he called it though. Something like ‘whiskey and thret/threk?’
Is Nick in a huff?
There’s nothing hard about Edinburgh, Mingles. Hard towns don’t pay for a statue to be erected in memory of a small, ferociously loyal (but ultimately misguided) dog. Nor do they allow so many Americans to invade them in such huge numbers every year.
You guessed wrong, CM. Where have you been, anyway? I see Philip Schofield survived climbing that ladder in the rain, so you weren’t doing anything useful like PUSHING THE BASTARD OFF.
You bastard!
*slaps Nap’s face*
*snogs mate*
In Glasgow…if you tell them Rangers and Celtic could not hack it in the EPL they get angry.
In Edinburgh if you say the same thing about Hearts and Hibs they agree with you.
That is the difference!
Whisky Mac anyone?
*furiously pushes pram back and forth with other hand on hip*
*tries to strike up conversation with Interceptor who’s still on the slotties*
pilchard, I was picking up a birthday cake.
Looking at the all the car talk, Im assuming I missed nothing interesting? aside from clarry whoring herself. which I suppose is new.
Oooh, nice. I’m from Southend INNIT, and all that up there with the cars and the fags and the neck-sucking and all that, that’s right sent me into a nostalgic haze.
*tries to seduce all men in area with 2litre bottles of blue WKD and 12 shots of Aftershock*
*fails*
*zooms down the seafront in black Clio with UV lights underneath and enormous exhaust*
*leaves Southend as soon as is possible*
New cocktail: the Weymouth Mac. It’s a dirty grey colour, with a sick top.
*is definitely dressed like this*
http://static.guim.co.uk/Guardian/society/gallery/2008/aug/26/housing/guardian-4124.jpg
Clarry not huffy me, I’m editing some video from my first band shot way back in 1980 when you lot were still pissing yourselves.
Re dogging “and everyone stopped looking at him and started gawping at his rival. You could almost see the Ferrari man’s cock wilt.”
I’m fucking off now though, off home !!
Excellent excuse, CM. Some birthday cakes are so heavy it takes a whole team a whole afternoon to pick them up, so I reckon you’ve done pretty good there.
Ha ha Nick, very funny.
CM – I’ve not been whoring myself, I have eyes for one man only. And maybe one other if he’s not paying me enough attention.
Clarry, I never knew David Icke replaced Phil Oakey in the Human League.
*gives evils to JRME*
were made of sterner stuff up here in scotland pilchy old boy. I needed hardly any help carrying it home.
Hear that peep peep tit man and shudder in your (admittedly stinking, rancid, spunk, encrusted) socks.
Sorry, Clarry, but you had your window. That slag Layla Cooper said I could finger her if I bought her and her mate Kelly a litre of 20/20 and ten Superkings.
*adds Layla Cooper to list of people to smack*
I seem to remember inventing something called a Brown Thunder in Weymouth, it involved 16 different spirits…
Wot you fackin’ lookin at? You fackin’ starting, Clarry? You fackin’ starting?
*hitches skirt up to combat level*
Fiiiiiiiigggggghhhhtttt!!!!!!!!!
He’s certainly a mesmerising storyteller:
http://www.jeffreyarchers.blogspot.com/
With anecdotes like the classic, ‘Where did I leave my car’ Archer proves yet again why he punches with the heavyweights.
*kicks off shoes*
Dunno, label’s fallen off…
*stubs out fag*
*grabs JRME’s pony (tail)*
*splits skirt*
*steals combatants wallet*
*picks ripped-off false nails from steel-tightened ponytail, replaces stilettos (one broken heel), readjusts bosom back into tube top, joins forces with Clarry to scratch Interceptor’s eyes out*
Ah, those were the days, my friend.
My favourite from the old days:
“My mate says you called me a poofter.”
“No, I didn’t call you a poofter.”
“So you’re calling my mate a liar?”
I CAN’T WIN THAT.
‘What’re you staring at’
‘Nothing, I wasn’t staring at any…’
‘You got a problem?’
‘No’
‘Calling me a liar’
I CAN’T WIN THAT.
“You looking at my bird?”
“No.”
“Why not? You saying she’s ugly?”
I CAN’T WIN THAT.
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