I was too late to grab a pair of bins from Sainsbury’s, but luckily WWM stalwart Piqued had already bagged a couple of sets – so it was dinner round his last night, as we prepared for a visual feast.
Spag bol consumed, all kinds of strange things in the ashtray and glasses at the ready, we tuned in for the eyeball-assault.
Admittedly, expectations weren’t soaring when I first had a good look at the glasses themselves. Using the self-same technology used back in the days of pop-out comics, it seems this strange piece of desperate TV scheduling is really this kind of 3D technology’s last hurrah – and what better way to go out than with footage of Her Majesty the Queen followed by a Derren Brown masterclass in magic?
Except that’s not what we got!
Firstly, we got a documentary about the minutiae of the coronation that went on for an interminable hour, when it could simply have stuck up the standalone special footage and completely dispensed with the keen, grating voiceover. I lost count of how many times the narrator reminded us that the show was in three dimensions, as he didn’t miss a single trick every time he got the opportunity to provide some filler. Three minutes in and he’d said ‘3D’ at least two dozen times, and by this point, with the glasses wedged on the tip of my nose, the immense headaches began.
Partially caused by the right lens being much darker than the left, both hemispheres of my brain decided they were feeling fighty, and a clash began as both lobal regions sought to outdo one another on the squinty eyes front. By the end of the Her Majesty documentary, I was starting to think I’d gone blind behind my eyes.
So, on to Derren Brown, who immediately exploded hopes of fun footage with the news that we were going to be watching what was essentially a load of duff old clips from the archive. Some not-so-funny comic magicians performed middle-of-the-road tricks, cards were inevitably flicked towards the TV screen and Brown, in his introductory segments, pointed sticks at the screen. By the time Siegfred and Roy came on, I’d given up as my brain was telling me my right leg was longer than the left, and I could no longer feel my own pelvis.
When a thrown-together 3D advert for a JLS album eclipses a whole night’s viewing, something has gone terribly wrong.
35 Comments
So I didn’t miss much then?
I passed on the 3D night in favour of Helena Bonham Carter as the “casually racist” Enid Blyton on BBC4. Much kinder on the eyes, but ever so dull…
At least old Enid didn’t make you feel like someone had taken a sledgehammer to your cerebellum.
Ouch.
I sat in bed with a cold that could that could kill a bison and watched CSI NY season 1 episodes. In my lem sip addled mind they looked 3D, if that counts.
I watched a couple of South Parks and then had a bath. Listened to a phone-in on Five Live whilst soaping and rinsing my genitalia and anus.
Form an orderly queue, ladies …
I was plotting and laughing out loud in a Sesame Street Dracular fashion…
*screams and faints*
Which ones Nap?
I saw that M. Jackson ghost one last week.
Is this possibly the most pointless thing channel 4 have ever done? A whole week dedicated to ‘technology’ from the 70’s and 80’s?
It’s like watching a really old episode of Tomorrows World.
There was one about Family Guy and another about something or other I’ve already forgotten, Nick. I was a bit distracted during the first show by a computer game instruction manual.
Didn’t work didn’t work didn’t work. I only got the merest hint of a suggestion that there might be a smidgen of another dimension somewhere lurking. More 2.00005D.
Derren Brown is funny though. I watched his first link and hacked out a twinkly little laugh then threw my 3D glasses into the sun.
It wasn’t well advertised that they were showing I’m a Celebrity in 3D. At least that’s what it felt like with Jordan and Kim’s chests coming out of the screen and poking me in the eye.
But whose chest is better – there’s only one way to find out. FIGHT!
I’ve got a paper cut behind my left ear from having to perpetually take the bloody paper bins on and off. Being a spectacle wearer I was forced to balance the ‘3D’ glasses on the tip of my nose and sit with my head tilted up to keep them on. Now my neck hurts as well, and I’m sick and tired of this office.
Did it work for you piqued? My eyesight’s around the Gordon Brown standard and even balancing the 3D ones in front of my ordinary glasses resulted in no 3D effect.
After 5 mins i just realised i looked a tit and turned over to I’m a celeb.
Prescription 3-D glasses Piqued. They’re missing a trick there, them Sainsburys types.
Spag bol? It was shepherd’s pie last night on Twitter. I’m going to phone the news desk at the Sun so they can investigate this. I may or may not use the phrase “hastily scrawled insult” later on.
As for the 3D thing, I skipped it in favour of catching up with the new series of “The Restaurant” on iPlayer. Week 2 wasn’t as much fun as week 1, but then again it was missing two women twatting a coconut with a carving knife and a rolling pin.
This guy has the answer and looks like erm cool yeah?
Yeah, you copycat. Me and Breeks were mentioning spag bol last night on Twitter. STALKERS!
Got to back to learning things about teaching things now. Have a pleasant day, all and sundry.
I got some, Jamie from that Yorkshire, on occasion it was very impressive but this just made it worse when it didn’t catch. My right eyeball was desperately trying to focus on thin air.
I’m up to speed on the Restaurant and providing a catch up later… so…erm… look out for that, yeah!?
Look – PROPER music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGUyBilzdhs
I’m still catching up with Flash Forward, with Thick Of It and Spooks to come. Going to be a good week, telly-wise.
What’s this 3D crap all about then? I thought they established it was shit some time back in 1987?
Ah right, Piqued – maybe I should have perservered. Saw Up in 3d at t’cinema and had no problems with that – glasses fitted nicely over existing glasses.
Nice piece of fish with potatoes and some spinich. (And a little bit of tomato ketchup but not with the spinich).
Then Corrie which is very tense at the moment.
What happened to that guy who did the crank calls?
Terry Tibbs and the like…
Apparently, Jamie from that Yorkshire, it’s a different sort of 3D to the old fashioned type being churned out by Four
Christ almighty. Could you tell me what happens here after the fifty second mark? I couldn’t take watching it…
Phonejacker!
That chap. Anyone?
Can you tell me about the clip before I click on it in case I lose my job over it… SH
Isn’t that the lead singer from the Arctic monkeys swineshead? He certainly seems annoyed about somthing.
What a nob. Give him his own show. Each week he could review a different game and tell us, through gritted teeth and covered in milk and blood, exactly what he thinks.
“It’s shit!”
VIRGIN NATIONAL IS SHIT! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!
SHIT!
It’s got it’s own post now fourstar… NPA!
I say! Over here!
PILE ON!
The whole thing worked badly for me as the left eye was the clearest and contained all the definition. The blue was too dark and only provided depth. Sadly I have poor eyesight in my left eye so the whole thing was only as good as my worse eye e.g. Very blurry. This made most of the magic pointless. The one where you had to pick a card was ruined because I couldn’t tell what picture was on each card.
My large head meant the glasses dug into my ears.
The JLS advert worked brilliantly though. Somebody should make a 3D Beastie Boys video. Nobody does fannying in and out of a screen like they do.
My laziness paid off then. Excellent.
A lot of sh*t heads thought it would be a good idea and take a dozen glasses from Sainsbury’s, {rather than the one that they were allowed} and leave none for the people like myself, who wanted to see Frankenstein and Friday the 13th 3-D. They won’t get their scummy ebay loving hands on MY money.
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