Written just before last night’s episode went out…
So, What Katie Did Next…
…was bugger off, apparently! Faced with her seventh trial in a row (and a couple of these have been several mini-trials in succession), Jordan has bowed out: the second camper to leave before eviction voting begins.
After bravely battling it out with a bottle of bugs and facing her fears in the Deathly Hollows, apparently winning respect from the team as they watched her face a school curriculum of horrors on Wednesday (“I’m happy if they’re happy,”) Katie still hadn’t won the admiration of her public who seemed determined to put her through yet more torture.
Or perhaps she had and her plan had backfired, leaving an audience thirsty for more revelations of the model’s abilities. In any case, the news reached me via BBC Radio the morning after her final show: ITV still managing to make news with this event-scheduled freak-show, understandably only after coverage of the people of Cumbria who are facing their own, very real aversion to water.
It came as no surprise really. Katie had been looking more and more worn out as she was picked time and again for the famous Bushtucker endurance tests, her close ups mirroring those of Strictly’s Camilla before she threw in the towel. She’d seemed to have really enjoyed her Car-lamity challenge as well, munching down fried flies (while thinking of pork scratchings, which are basically pig dandruff themselves) and soaking herself with slime from the confines of a shiny buggy. She had confessed to not knowing what the word “calamity” means as she approached the track and had spoken frankly – “You arseholes doing that” – to our hosts but carried on because “I’ll look like a bad sport if I don’t do it.”
Did she tempt fate, announcing that she could do it again (“Don’t say that,” replied Ant!) and joyously proclaiming to her campmates that she wasn’t going to be picked any more? Had she completed her private mission for closure or did she feel that she really had given the public all they’d want? In any case, while it has bought ITV a mention on Terry Wogan’s show, deemed newsworthy by an essentially publicly funded corporation, it has also left Ant and Dec with another crisis of TV democracy: another phone-in conundrum following a scandal in their Saturday Night Takeaway careers. (“Your vote won’t count but you may still be charged” became a legally binding catchphrase following that).
Campers can be awarded immunity from the eviction vote by succeeding in other challenges or may be excused the Bushtucker trials on medical grounds (as George Hamilton has managed pretty consistently so far. He’s having a lovely time!) But to grant Katie any grace, either out of sympathy, because the public were being unfair or because it was getting a little bit dull watching her do them all the time would make a mockery (ha!) of this jungle democracy. They’d be at each other’s throats like Lord of the Flies in no time.
In fact, it wasn’t long before they were. Kim Woodburn, who seems to be losing it with her Gollum-esque muttering (“Yesss, my loveliessss”) and whispered snipes at her former colleague, Aggie Mackenzie (whom Kim strangled and drowned in order to steal a magic ring many, many years ago) exploded with rage on Sunday, one week into the contest. She’d been predictably anal about tidying up. At one point I thought she was reaching into shot with gloves on to wipe down a cooking surface but it turned out to be a close up on the evening’s supper: a crocodile leg, skinned to the ankle. It wasn’t the untidiness of camp that sent her into a rage, though.
Boxer Joe, who has quickly alienated himself with outspoken negativity, tested the water after Katie’s triumphant return from Car-lamity and asked if she’d do his trial were he to be selected (Tough luck, Joe – you’re up tonight and may have to do the absent Price’s share of the work too)! This was presented as the real reason for Kim’s later outburst. She stormed over, yelling when Bugner bullied/ advised Stuart Manning about cooking duties. How could a heavyweight world champion – the essence of her later defined-at-length idea of manliness – lounge around (on his elbows, presumably) and allow a poor young lady to do such things?
There seems to have been something else said, though – possibly during an argument on Friday, centred on young, black female show-biz-success, Sabrina’s ability to do anything other than wash up – that has infuriated her and others. The admirably tolerant, Why-Can’t-We-All-Just-Get-Along Justin seems particularly upset with older-generation antipodean, Joe. We can only speculate as to what may have been uttered off-cam or sliced out in editing. All the same, it is worth bearing in mind that, real as these freaks may be and however diverse the views they harbour, certain words and political views may have slipped out which would be sure to give ITV’s ninth series plenty much publicity of a kind they don’t want to handle.
Or maybe I’m getting paranoid about my telly again. Maybe he’s just a miserable git that’s ticked everyone off. Maybe it’s just because he looks more and more like my old Latin/ Sports teacher and I want to see him with widgety grubs between his teeth, up to his neck in electric eels, crying like a baby. (I was never any good at Latin sports). In any case, it’ll be refreshing to see someone other than Jordan take on a trial. Let’s see if his efforts gain him any favour with the other campers.
33 Comments
I’m seeing £50K each for Jedward (in the tittle-tattle columns) if they go into the jungle now…
Good morning.
I used to work at a vets, and in my experience it was the biggest (and supposedly hardest) men that were the most squeamish. I once spent the best part of half an hour holding the legs of one HUGE man mountain above his head after he fainted upon finding a couple of maggots in the wound of a rabbit.
Maybe Joe Bugner is just a bit of a wimp, and he is trying to cover it up with all bluster.
Also, I have been meaning to ask this, but who is Breakfastman, and why didn’t his arrival get a mention?
Well they should definitely do it. As far as I can tell they’re only capable of good PR because if you ask them any question they respond in th dumbest, faintly endearing way possible.
Dermot – How do you feel what could be your last performance went?
Jedders – Well it was really cool, cos I got to wear this t shirt and it’s really cool.
BreakfastMan needs no introduction!
Well, anyway, I think it is only polite to say hello, and thank him for watching this tripe, so we don’t have to
(He’s actually my eldest brother)
Ok, well tell him I said hi. If you can do that without him thinking I might have special educational needs
Will do.
I saw a clip of Woodburn shaking her bosoms the other day. It put me off my blancmange.
I thiink the adjective ‘brassy’ describes Kim Woodburn perfectly.
I am sorry to read that she and Aggie don’t get on, but then I guess she is free to say that stuff now since their show has been cancelled.
I bet she would not faint at the sight of a few fly larvae.
By the way, if you haven’t already please do go and sign this petition.
Fucking idiots.
Thanks for watching this. I have even managed to avoid the trailers for it, bliss.
I was a bit creeped out (see kids, vernacular) by Adam Buxtons love of this show, as was Joejoe Cornish eh?
Good morning boys and girls
How dare they punish us/them from illegally downloading copy-written material!
The swines!
(no offense)
I watched my first bit of IACGMOOH of this series last night on ITV2 and have to say I was quite impressed. Then the adverts ended and the show began again and I put a dvd on. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Possibly in the top ten greatest films ever made!
Nick – apparently it is a bit more pernicious than that, because without trial, there is a very real chance that people can be denied internet services maliciously. All it would take would be for someone to make an unsubstantiated claim to their ISP that they had downloaded something, and they would have their internet cut off. Not funny if you work or bank or check e-mail fom home. That is why it is important to have such claims tested in a court before a service denial should be allowed to happen.
Pernicious eh?
*runs to google*
Oh, and additionally not funny if the person downloading stuff happens to be a teeneager and his parents or anyone ellse that lives in the house works, banks or checks e-mail from home.
Internet peeps
my understanding is that disconnection will be reserved only for the most hardcore offenders, as in, sharers.
Downloading is technically less of a crime than providing files for download. Other than that I believe one of the main threats is going to be bandwidth limitation.
Plus Peter Mandelson comes round to your house and drags his balls across your keyboard. It’s not full proof but i’d say a fairly powerful preventative measure
Right now, if I were that way inclined, I could get loads and loads of decidedly dodgy stuff through about four different accounts. And get them all cut off, if this bill goes through.
So it’s pretty dumb.
Mel you filthy thing!
Mr G – so the minute your file goes from DL to seed, you have to terminate it.
That will result in a lot of one-way traffic…. with the US probably carrying the burden I’d imagine.
It is Law by Tabloids again. The Government are rushing through stupid pieces of il-conceived legislation. Probably in the belief that they will not have to implement them in any case.
It will not hurt the serial downloaders and file sharers, as Swines points out, but it will harm people that are not as computer savvy.
Nick, I told you to take all those naked pictures of me off the internet
*phones Nick’s ISP*
Morning all
I don’t know much about filesharing but I know what I like!!! Eh!!!???
ahahahahahahipaPHJIPAJO
Swines - Yer, although if your level of offense is based how much you seed (not sure how it works), you’d simply need to set your download client with a very low upload speed.. i’d imagine.. *cough*.. allegedly..
The U.S. can cope anyway. They love breaking the law. 24, The Wire etc. They LOVE it!
No one wants my seed, I asked….
*sits under Nick with mouth wide open*
Now you’ve put that image back in my head again….the pee one….
It’s massively ill-thought-out, as ever.
More here and here, if you’re interested (which you should be)
NPA
I’m a bit worried now. I’d not heard about this new law and have been downloading a brontosaurus. It seems to be working (wish I’d gotten a bigger bandwidth though, I can tell you!) but if the new law comes in before the tail begins, it’ll be no use to me. Can we maybe delay legislasion until I’ve got at least half of the tail through? I didn’t know I was downloading a brontosaurus; I thought it was the new Paulo Neutini LP…
I downloaded a pterodactyl overnight on Virgin Media – who’s your ISP?