Watch With Mothers can’t watch everything, all the time.
So it was that last week’s double Question Time outing passed me by, despite it being something of a momentous week for the show which is riding a tide of recent recognition since episodes on the expenses scandal and the now-infamous Nick Griffin appearance.
Looking at last week, first on the agenda was First Time Voters’ Question Time, shown on BBC Three where the corporation believes the youth of England congregate to enjoy such crucial entertainment as Hotter Than My Daughter and Snog, Marry, Avoid. Fronted by Big Brother and X Factor face, Dermot O’Leary, what could have been an unmitigated disaster actually turned out to be an interesting exercise, chiefly by accident rather than design.
The set designers opted to give the talking heads and the host the smallest horseshoe table available, so that they were constantly jostling for elbow room and looked cramped and uncomfortable from the introduction onwards. This general air of discomfort really set the mood, so even at the two-minute mark, the viewer could sit back comfortably and watch everybody involved squirm. From this perspective, it was actually better than yer average, adult version of the show, because everyone was visibly feeling awkward. Dermot was clearly nervous as hell, fluffing every other line and apparently only comfortable when attempting to lighten the mood. The politicians were rabbits bathed in a headlight-glow, completely unprepared for the line of questioning they were faced with and seemingly unaware that they were partly to be faced with an apathetic crowd of the most obliviously disengaged non-political youngsters they were ever going to meet.
And all this while Rory Bremner and Jamelia hovered to the left of the screen. Bremner appeared only to be there so he could pour the odd Gordon Brown impersonation into the mix, whilst Jamelia’s presence was completely inexplicable. Was she prised in to present a familiar face to the youths in the audience? Despite her last big hit being released in 2004?
The final member of the panel was former Apprentice winner Tim, who seemed to be the only character there who’d been briefed on the questions and made an active effort to answer them coherently.
Among the highlights of Jamelia’s output was the revelation that she’d never voted, which surely confirmed that her appearance there was utterly pointless. When she followed it up with the declaration that all she knew about politics was that she’d been told ‘Thatcher was a great leader because she helped the working class’, you were left scratching your head, and feeling incredibly sorry for ringleader O’Leary.
But despite all this, something about the show worked. For starters, it showed up featherweight celebrities as being totally unsuited for politic-dabbling. It also showed that politicians are prepared to spin their way out of a direct question, even if there’s no direct question put before them in the first place. And it also showed that kids who are politically ignorant aren’t ever going to be persuaded to vote by anyone from any of the three political parties.
As mentioned, the only panelist with anything to say for himself was Tim Campbell. Where the politicians actually apologised to the audience for failing them and whilst Jamelia latently condoned their never having visited a polling station though her own inaction, Campbell was the only person present who made it clear it’s incredibly stupid not to register to vote, because not voting means you have no right to expect change. Pretty depressing for this to have come from a reality show winner, but thank Christ somebody said it.
Incidentally, quote of the night went to one particular bad-boy who put to the panel why he didn’t feel moved to cross a box.
‘I see Obama, and I see a leader. I look to Cameron, I look to Brown and I look to… the other guy… and I don’t see no leader’.
Moving on to grown up Question Time, it was a real heavyweight week. In the blue corner, Boris Johnson had been grafted in with a new feathercut to help the Tories ride out a drop in popularity with his bluffing, babbling query-avoiding ways. Shirley Williams was there for the Lib Dems, whilst the unfortunately monickered Lord Adonis represented the reds. Will Self was out on wide right, in the Voice of the Liberals role whilst – of all people – Carol Vorderman stole the show for the right with the most toe-curling appearance you could hope to tune in for.
I listened to the marvellous Frank Skinner podcast this weekend where the show was discussed, and can’t put it any better than co-hosts, Gareth and Emily. The latter pointed out that Vorderman’s opting to wear ‘Legally Blonde tortoise-shell specs‘ didn’t make her seem as intelligent as she’d probably hoped, whilst the former described her as ‘a dreadful, embarrassing, right-wing Auntie who had educated herself off of The Daily Mail and Mein Kampf‘.
It’s well worth watching both shows, if you have time in your busy and fun-packed life to track back on a week of joy. The Vorderman cringe-fest is here, whilst Dermot’s Diddy Question Time Fun Hour is over here.
Prepare to squirm.
*end of football comment*
68 Comments
As I said last week, Carol Vorderman: reactionary belching anus.
MORNING EVERYONE!!!
Oh dear…How much did she take from “Cowboy loans r us?”
I won’t be voting for her. These loose wimmin types should be restricted to daytime tv. Arguing with Shirley Williams, good grief.
Pea anyone?
Good morning Mr Green, good morning everybody *in singsong manner of primary school class*
Now look. I’ve got no love for the Vorders, and I know that it probably was a sartorial choice rather than, like, ocular neccessity, but surely we can slag her off for things rather than how she looks in her glasses? I appreciate it’s this Emily type, not WWM, doing the slagging (women are their worst enemy, once again) but it just makes me a bit sad. Like when Harry Hill is really really funny, and then does a running gag about how Heather is fat and looks like a man and that’s it.
Today I will be mostly assuming the role of tetchy feminist, in honour of that Women doco that’s on this week. Sorry, I mean Wymmin.
I think it’s Carol’s assumption that wearing glasses make you look clever which was stupid. Carol didn’t actually need the glasses, I don’t think… Self went in without notes)
Shirley Williams is a very intelligent and eloquent politician.
Well, she might have needed them to see. But I take your point.
When Russell Howard wears his specs on Mock The Week, for example, no-one queues up to go “ooooooh, hark at ‘im, trying to look all clever! The dickhead!” Rankles, that’s all.
You SEXISTS.
NOBODY WATCHES MOCK THE WEEK
I did the other day, for the first time in ages, actually. And it was quite good. It’s much better for not have Frankie Boyle around to shout everyone down. What, you saying that I’m a nobody because I’m a woman?
You SEXIST!
Let me know when this becomes tiresome, won’t you? *uses feminine wiles*
As a sexist (and fiercely proud of it!), I reckon this JRME character should get back in the kitchen … where she belongs!
Voderman was AWFUL on that show.
Good morning. I’d have liked to have seen the Question Tim Fun Hour, simply because it seems that TV is endearingly cack-handed as ever when it comes to talking politics with the kids. I remember Not the Nine O’clock News and The Young Ones taking the piss out of these shows back in the 80s, and it’s somehow reassuring to know that the people who were 18 back then are commissioning, producing and appearing squirming on similar shows these days.
Oh and by the way I listened to the podcast yesterday and was roaring – I said ROARING – with laughter during the Blind Date bit. If I could access the UK iTunes I would go there and rave about it and all that.
Thanks, Thumps!
“because not voting means you have no right to expect change”
It’s still all about “change” and “hope” then?
When Russell Howard wears his specs on Mock The Week, for example, no-one queues up to go “ooooooh, hark at ‘im, trying to look all clever! The dickhead!”
That’s because everyone’s already thinking “Dickhead!”
My Girlfreind’s just started wearing glasses for some things. I think they look sexy. does that make me sexist? DOES IT!
I like that Obama comment. The fact the fella’s broken a string of promises and is turning out to be as bad a Bush and Reagan and Carter and Ford and Clinton hasn’t registered, then?
I can’t think of many US Presidents that haven’t gotten into power on a promise that turned out to be hard to fulfill.
Yes! ‘Gotten’!
Which is why people should stop trying to convince ‘emselves that this Obama pillock is somehow better than Dubya Bubbya. He ain’t. He’s just the bloody same as the rest of the bastards who’ve come before him.
Yes, it does, Mr Green. You are not allowed to comment AT ALL on her appearence because doing so DEMEANS HER. We are not here to look sexy for you, you PIGS.
As for you, Napoleon, there’s absolutely no way I’m getting in that hot and steamy kitchen for you. You can make your own plain omelettes. I’ve got plenty of welding to be doing over here.
Well I think you look sexy, JRME.
What do you make of that?
You ARE there to look all sexy for us, JRME. That’s the point of you wimmin, see? Without looking all sexy, how the hell do you expect to hoodwink a fella into marrying you and getting you up the duff? You’ve got no chance, sweet cheeks, not unless you doll y’self up all tarty-like.
Leader this and leader that. Give me a Van Rompuy-style administrator and lets make politics really boring.
Is he the one Farage had a go at, Indy?
If Farage is the UKIP one; yes.
And quite right too! Here’s to Farage and his EEC baiting activities!
*raises glass to Nigel Farage*
I’d say you can say what you like Mr Green, it won’t make a difference to either of us, and you’re almost definitely wrong. Oh, and this: *slaps Mr Green across face*
Marry? Up the duff?! Why the hell would I want that? You men seem to want them kiddles more than me, presumably so you’ve got someone to pass on your prehistoric views to and an excuse to beat someone at football. Stuff ‘em. And as for binding myself legally to a man in front of an imaginary deity, I can’t think of anything more degrading. Honour, obey and love? Honour, obey and shove it, more like!
I think women should be treated as if they’re equal, and to that extent *stamps on JRME’s foot and delivers punch to gut*
WHISKEY!
Admit it, JRME, you want some fella to get you all duffed up. Your protests speak volumes, love.
*slaps JRME’s arse*
BULLSEYE!
Did Mr Green just hit a lady? (And such a pretty lady at that)
*rolls sleeves up and goes to defend JRME’s honour*
Hitting ladies ain’t on, Thumps. Unless it’s a slap across their rump, o’course.
*slaps JRME’s arse again*
See?
And today is International Women’s Day as well, Naps. If I find that Mr Green I’m going to give him a right good battering.
My honour, Thumps? I don’t need a man to defend my honour! I can look after myself! *tasers everyone in sight* How DARE you call me pretty! *tasers Thumps a second time*
So help me God, Naps, next time that hand comes near me I’m keeping it.
(Thank you, Thumps! x)
Oww! What-a mistake-a to make-a! Owww!
*slaps JRME’s arse for a third time*
I’m considering gooseing you next, sweetheart.
It’s International Wimmin’s Day, is it? Well, Thumps, I’m all for that. Are they celebrating that thing they do where they’re sex adventurers right up until the moment a ring is placed on their fingers?
We will better be able to judge Obama after 4 years. He’s only been in office just over a year. And he’s got a tricky old job there. Mind you he’s not our president so what we think doesn’t really matter.
I treat everyone as though they’re equal. Almost everyone.
If someone hits me, a man, a woman (except the Queen), a child, I hit them back. end of.
*hits child*
The thing in politics is some people are going to agree with you, others aren’t. And so it goes on…
Have fun with that fantasy land idea of Obama, DINLT!
“If you earn $200,000 or under, your taxes will not rise one cent!”
Huzzah! Huzzah for Obama, he’s … oh, he’s put the taxes up. The c*nt!
Naps, I know it’s International Women’s Day, because it’s the day of the year when Italian males bring in flowers to leave on the desks of their female coworkers (And not just the ones they want to get off with). I think it’s a way to make amends for talking incessantly about football for the rest of the year.
So when is it International Men’s Day, Thumps?
International men’s month begins on June 11th. Get the crates of beer in!
I think it falls on St Macho’s Day, at least in the catholic countries.
Goose away, darling. Where’s it gonna get you? Absolutely nowhere, and with a good forecast of a broken hand.
Nobody better DARE give me flowers today! You patronising bastards!
A broken hand? Off of a woman? With your reedy girl arms, JRME? Ho ho!
Who said I’d use my arms, Naps?
Your reedy girl legs? Ho ho!
*gooses away*
I’m half-Italian, mate. Know what that means? Thighs* with the strength of 500 of you pathetic men-types. Ever seen that Bond film?
*breaks swan’s wing*
*well, one thigh, the other one’s English
*wanders over to JRME’s desk carrying flowers, Belgian chocolates, and Hello Kitty merchandise*
Ho ho! I love it when a weedy girl with weedy girl arms, legs and thighs reckons she can do man stuff, such as violence. It reminds me of those Hollywood movies where we’re expected to believe a bird with arms like pipe-cleaners can punch a fifteen stone man to the floor.
*gooses loads*
*tasers Thumps a third time* Yet more proof of the idiocy inherent in the patriarchal system. You boys just don’t listen, do you?
*kicks Naps in the balls with powerful thigh*
Game, set and match, my friend.
I’m afraid not, JRME. Because you’re a girl, see? Not even a hoof to the balls is enough to stop me doing the goose. ‘Specially not when it’s been delivered by a weak, reedy-armed, tiny-legged bird with a massive eight stone of weight behind her.
You really don’t understand how this violence business works, do you?
Good ‘arvo! Everyone getting on alright this afternoon?
Like a house on fire, Swineshead.
And there you go again, judging a woman by their outward appearance (in your head). You FASCIST!
With all its innards melting and people screaming around the perimeter?
Excellent.
How else am I supposed to judge a woman, JRME? By her personality? HA HA HA HA! It’s all about the tits and ass, baby, THE TITS AND ASS.
*thinks about the tits and ass*
Hello Swineshead, would you like some flowers, Belgian chocolates and Hello Kitty merchandise?
I’m worried about this offer of Hello Kitty merchandise, Thumps. Swineshead’s only twelve, so you offering him that stuff smacks of noncery to me.
Well, at least you’ll have thoughts of tits and ass to keep you warm at night when you’ve alienated every single intelligent woman in the world, and you’re left with the two-brain-celled dreck who drive you to distraction with their incessant demands for shoes and trinkets.
And now, you can look at my ass as I walk away!
It’s been fun, geezers, but I must go home and sleep. See you all tomorrow you POSSESSORS OF COCKS.
Regarding our discussions last week, I give you all a book.
It is very good and maybe we should all read it.
I got distracted halfway through reading JRME’s last comment by some tits and some asses on the internet. What was she banging on about this time? Was it shoes?
*assumes it’s shoes*
No thanks, DINLT!
Read it Nap…you’ll be surprised.
I can assure you, DINLT, that I will never read that book. Not unless it puts forth the proposition that we bulldoze Lincolnshire and replace it with an almighty, good old-fashioned coal-fired power station.
Sterling Moss: No thanks, I’ll take the stairs!
That Nigel Farage offered to buy me a pint once.
I turned him down.
True story.