Bored of this blogging caper, I fancy trying my hand at the acting game. I’ve had a look about at all the quality drama the UK’s putting out at the moment and, fancying myself a decent enough thespian, the show I’d set my heart on appearing in (before I got wind of some devastating news) is little known teen drama, Skins.
With my life-experience and acting chops, I reckoned I was a dead cert for a show about partying youth – and wouldn’t hear it when told I was probably not the best fit.
Imagine my shock / horror when, having heard they were auditioning, I found that the criteria on which the auditions are based are steeped in the most horrendous age-discrimination I’ve ever seen in any job ad in all my years of being a hard-working professional.
The ad is here, but below is the truly upsetting fragment.
To audition, you must have been born between 1st July 1992 and 1st July 1994 (if you were born on those days, that’s fine too).
Nineteen ninety two?!
I was 14 in 1992! My voice had broken!
I was sprouting all hairs out of all horrible places and listening to Ned’s Atomic Dustbin!
I say only this:
If it’s out of the question that an ugly, balding, jug-eared, thirty-something curmudgeon like myself could ever hope to dream of becoming an icon to the youth of today in the mould of, say, Effie off of Skins, then there’s something about this country’s television industry that STINKS.
*end of football comment*
76 Comments
I’m 18 and I was hoping to audition but I can’t. I could’ve been someones older sister but can’t. Wouldn’t an irish actress be cool?
At least you have your life ahead of you, Mise. I’m washed up.
Mise – I’m holding auditions for 16-18 year-old actresses round at mine this evening if you’re interested. It’s for a new film I’m making called ‘Confessions of a Suspended Sixth Form Media Studies Teacher’.
Bloody hell, WWM ona sunday.
*looks up* Oh, is it sexist Friday again?
BTW swines, you aren’t washed up, you are in your prime. Would you be able to write like you do if you were 16-18? Would your skills in similie be as developed? NO. Plus being 16-18 wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, there was a lot of sulking, for starters…
Swineshead, no way are you washed up. People forget you’re never too old to get into something. You should try and go to drama groups or something. Never too late.
Steve Charnock- I’m over here in Ireland. Too bad. I live in the middle of nowhere so I’ll have to really decide if I want to act and move somewhere else.
Maybe get over to Dublin – must be plenty going on over there…
What a lovely young lady!
Steve Charnock-I think i’ll have to. I’d regret it if I didn’t try. You only live once. Thanks for the compliment
Don’t listen to them Swines, comfy pants and trouble getting out of chairs is all you have to look forward to in the ever decreasing years left you.
Not like these kids with their fun and their idrugs and their phones. They’re what it’s all about now.
I first felt washed up when Michael Owen arrived on the scene and I had to face the fact that our best player at the 1998 World cup was younger than me. Now it’s getting to the stage that footballers who are retiring are younger than me – we may as well resign ourselves to repeats of Antiques Road Show on UKTV history and a nice cup of cocoa once in a while.
1992!
Yeah Swines, but just think – those people born in 1992 won’t be able to remember jumping off their sofa in the June of that year as John Jensen scored for plucky underdogs Denmark against Germany in the Euro 92 final, before he went on to enjoy a fine scoring record at Arsenal.
Well, apart from the last bit.
Evening all.
I’ve so far managed to drag myself through 32 of our terrible British winters and I can only say that it’s all been downhill since about 1986. Does anyone remember ‘Dempsey and Makepeace’? try and catch it on some godawful cable channel at 3am -it will remind you that in those days there was no room for beautiful young people on tv, only sub-machinegun battles out of the back of Ford Anglias -that’s what’s missing from entertainment these days!
night night all!
SUNDAY!
A geekish representation of this very problem.
NEARLY MONDAY!
I remember when it was all fields round here….
FIELDS, dammit *sobs*
Won’t be a problem for me.
*kills 14 year old*
*skins (no pun intended!!!!) 14 year old*
*wears 14 year old as suit*
*realises that 14 year olds don’t fit in the age bracket*
*looks at self annoyedly in mirror, still wearing 14 year old skin-suit*
*sighs*
*wanks*
I’m sorry but I’d prefer real 16-18 year olds playing those characters. I know it seems like Ageism, but I’m sure you would agree. It’s Strange watching shows about people in high school when the actors are in their mid to late 20’s. Skins is one of the few shows that doesnt do this, and I’m happy about it. People older than the age of 22 have more and better opportunites.
sorry, but why would you want to play a teenager in sixth form if you look like you could be one of the teachers? i’m pretty sure that you would look older than an average teenager if your over 20. also, the skins casting director wants to find ‘raw talent’
Haha, Swineshead, if it helps at all (which I doubt it will) I was born in 1991 not 1992!!
This is a disgrace!
I am an unshaven and rotund 31 year old man who wants to be Effie. Where’s the shame in that?
*borrows Roszs’z 14 year old’s Skins skin*
Would I look like a scheming paedo if I was cast alongside these Skins young ‘uns?
H from Steps was on Skins recently. So if you’re prepared to join a power pop quintet, work your way to the top, fall out with your friends, fail as a Little and Large style duo, do acting school and work the boards as a jobbing actor, there is an alternate route there for those of us disabled by our age.
‘Disabled by age’ – that says it all, flotsky. Says it all!
This little pillock we’ve got singing this year’s Eurovision song won’t get anywhere, you mark my words. I bet Terry Wogan’s turning in his grave.
Wogan’s not turning in his grave – he’s on the internet.
Ha ha! Victor Meldrew does something like pick up a wee dog thinking it’s a phone or goes to the loo only to find a plant in his bog and he doesn’t believe it!
Who’s this old bag singing some clunky old Glenn Campbell song on my telly?
I was on the ‘john’ when she was on, with no hope of turning her off till I’d finished.
Gail Porter’s got her hair back, I see. Which is quite cheering.
The guest on The Wright Stuff has lovely nylon hair.
This bewigged woman on The Wright Stuff is making me want to strangle.
‘Oh I do a ton of charity work wah wah wah’
I do loads of charity work too.
*continues to do no charity work*
Is everyone dead this morning?
I’m not!
Bloody hello!
So that’s three people who ain’t dead. And one of ‘em’s Charnock, so technically that’s two people and some sort of monkey character.
im alive, but am too busy doing loads of charity work to get involved.
Morning!
You shouldn’t look upon yourself as some kind of simian creature, Napoleon – t’aint good for your self-esteem.
Yeah! I totally done you there!
I had to stop myself from something near illegal on here last night – the conversation with the young Irish lady would’ve spiralled into something sinister I could feel it…
I wasn’t referring to m’self, Charnock. It’s you wot is the revolting, flea-ridden monkey character.
If picking and eating the fleas from the fur of my family and throwing my shit about the monkey enclosure of the zoo in which I live makes me a monkey, then I hold my paws up to it.
Last time I saw a monkey in a zoo, a woman next to me said, ‘They’re so much like humans it’s amazing’. Just then, the ‘orrible thing did a lovely big shit and ate it.
Woman must’ve been German or something.
I had the unfortunate experience of going to Twycross Zoo a few years ago. Wall-to-wall monkeys, it was. I was stood looking at some gorillas when this one gorilla starts rutting away with another gorilla and this kid says to his dad, ‘Daddy, what’s that monkey doing to that other monkey?’ ‘They’re having sex,’ says I. You should have seen the dad’s face! I imagine he’d have punched me had I not been an ugly-looking brute with a broken nose and he hadn’t been five foot two of skin and bones. Ho ho!
These kids need to learn young. If they’re gonna be cast in Skins as 13 year-old sex addict crack dealers who look like older versions of the little kid in About A Boy and that, then they need to know the facts of life.
But when should kids be taught about shagging and anal beads and knocking shops, Charnock? I’d say age four – also the ideal age to start violently beating them.
You’ve crossed the line!
You’ve got to be looking at 6/7 for that malarky, wait ’til they’ve matured some.
I might give Mums.net a shout, see if they fancy coming over to have a chat about it. We can turn this place into The Wright Stuff for a bit.
I doubt the hags on mumsnet have the time to come over here and debate this issue, Charnock. As we’ve been told time and again by mothers, they’re far too busy looking after their kids to do anything else. There aren’t enough hours in the day when you’re so busy sitting on a sofa in your dressing gown, watching Trisha as you stuff handfuls of chocolate into your gaping maw. Busy busy busy …
I was dead, but i got a bit better
Indeed. But then (before we get accused of sexism by Swineshead and all the rest of ‘em), the Dads are just as bad…
Fathers4Justice?! No wonder their bloody kids don’t want anything to do with them. What kind of father figure dresses up like Robin and climbs Nelson’s Column? That’s no way to spend alternate weekends with your estranged parent, wrapped up in lycra like a giant twat! It should be spent sharing awkward silences in McDonald’s and the Sea-Life Centre.
My father actively discouraged contact with his children by running away to Thailand. I hope one day to follow in his footsteps.
Not bad Steve, but I wouldn’t open with it..
I’ll let Russell Howard open with it. I wouldn’t say anything as unfunny as that out loud.
I quite fancy that Effie.
Morning!
Omg Steve Charnock, pretty freaky!!! Haha!!!
Ha ha!
What am I laughing at?
You fucking mug. Of course, it’s a drama about Sixth Form. SIXTH FORM COLLEGE!
I’m auditioning but that’s because I’m of the age to be in Sixth Form.
If they need extra parts they’ll hold separate auditions but don’t you think 10,000 eager teenagers is enough? That’s just for the main characters. The main characters are top priority.
Go die.
You have hurt my feelings, Joni. I hope you’re satisfied.
*goes and dies*
That was very harsh Joni.
I shall look out for a “Joni” on my audition rosta AND PUT A BIG BLACK CROSS THROUGH IT
I’m with you, Nick. Shall all three of us elderlies turn up with placards?
Wow, Joni! What drama! What passion! You’ve got all of the parts!
Must pick you up on your grammar there though, love. Think you’ll find it’s “go and die.” Mmmkay? *pats cute little Joni on the head*
Are we allowed to despair at the state of youth today again yet?
hey! who killed swineshead! you’re not allowed to do that, you spiky youth. he’s OURS. OURS. he is of the elderly and must not be harmed.
stupid youth and your screwed up priorities. you just want fame. youth-fame. it won’t last. your scrotum will shrivel/breastages droop (please delete as appropriate0 and your chin whiskers grey (yes, even girls get chin whiskers) just like swineshead’s and then you’ll think back to this time and be sorry.
I’m already dead, you’re wasting your breaths! Breath?
You are wasting your collective breath?
Oh, Swineshead’s dead. What are we going to do now?
Facebook, anyone?
It’s pronounced “collective breasts”.
don’t be dead swineshead, not without me giving a eulogy about how you have been personally and collectively responsible for at least 6 full months of wasted hours over the last 7 years.
It’s about time someone said it, Joni’s just articulating what we’ve all been thinking for some time. I for one am sick of all this free content and the warm, fuzzy community feel to this website.
WHY DON’T YOU ALL GO DIE, EH?
PS, Joni - I’m holding auditions for 16-18 year-old actors round at mine this evening if you’re interested. It’s for a new film I’m making called ‘Confessions of a Suspended Sixth Form PE Teacher’.
“Confessions of a Suspended Sixth Form PE Teacher” made me lol, as I believe the kids say.
Those age restrictions are their for a reason… legal reasons as well as the fact that it’s about teenagers?! You’re just annoyed you couldn’t audition
why would you want to audition for a program about kids having sex and partying when you’re an adult yourself.. a bit weird don’t you think :S x
I don’t think it’s weird, no.
A bit zany, perhaps. But not weird.
In 90210, they’re all about 35 playing kids of 17.
So why not here? Eh? Well?
Weren’t they all in their fifties in Grease? And the cast of Please Sir were drawing their pensions, weren’t they?
Give us oldies a chance!
the casting director came to our 6th form on tuesday, and she told my drama teacher that the age limit was 16 – 19 for us. Either the age limit is different for the next auditions, or we were lucky. Anyway, i got a recall, so wish me luck!
Good luck!
I’m very sorry you are not of age to audition now but skins is a teen drama about which includes kids in their first years of college at the begining of eah generations series, why would anyone older than that be eligable to look and play a 16/17 year old? And for the younger ones who wanted to audition, I’m pretty sure there is some kind of law against say a 15 year old having sex or taking drugs on sreen. Don’t take away fun for the teenagers who are of age to audition please.
We all passed the audition madison!
Look out for me in the next series. I get to wear low riding jeans so you can see my M&S comfy underwear and hang out wiv yoofs.
I am is awesome or sumink…
I cant wait to see you in it then. I am also looking forward to seeing your costume it sounds great!
I look phat (not fat)