There was a time, not so very long ago, when you could turn on your TV and not be immediately assailed by four or five men and women in suits standing on a patch of grass and barking at each other, barking at you, barking at passers-by and barking at anything they could see.
But as the Great Electiopalypse 2010 rumbles into its sixth day and shows no signs, as yet, of coming to any conclusion, it seems like the barking people are here to stay for the forseeable. But look carefully – are some of them starting to foam dangerously at the mouth?
The fact that the news has gone completely banana splits over this election is not surprising. With the debates (and other such televised delights) and an open field so far on who the winner might be, there’s been more interest in this election than there was in many that came before. The news media have been building themselves up to this epic climax for ages. And now the electorate have gone and got all tantric on them, denying that moment of ecstacy when they can announce SOMEONE has WON for so long that it’s not even nice any more. It just hurts their special places. But one channel are outdoing themselves in allegedly biased and hectoring reporting, even causing outrage in the normally placid and even-handed Twitter community. Ahem.
Step forward please – Sky News!
It all started when a clearly tetchy Kay Burley, Mistress Of Pain, seemed to take objection to a terrified man protesting for a fairer democratic system outside Parliament, demanding to know why he was even bothering when we’d “all voted for a hung parliament” – as if that was an option on the ballot paper:
This was picked up with ninja reflexes by various shadowy online characters and posted all over the web, quickly resulting in up a #sackkayburley hashtag (the populus still smarting from her utter destruction of Peter ‘I love those kids, mate’ Andre) which then loudly turned up on Sky News itself, behind a nice man in clever glasses:
But Sky’s very own Clive Anderson/Toad of Toad Hall/grumpy baby Adam Boulton then upped the ante with this televised argument with Alistair Campbell. If you look closely, you can see the very moment his brain snaps and his fragile veneer of professionalism is smashed to atoms by sheer rage:
And then, later that day, Boulton was interviewed with Ben Bradshaw who clearly knew exactly which buttons to press, causing Boulton once again to go into an incredible sulk:
Admittedly, these could be isolated examples taken out of context to prove a theory that the Murdoch media are all bent out of shape that their guy didn’t win and aren’t afraid to show it. But even the usually fair and balanced BBC are facing online criticism over shades of bias in their almost non-stop election coverage, as well as subjecting poor old David Dimbleby to sleep deprivation in their cavernous den of statistics. So is the news broken?
And more importantly, to get all quantum mechanical for a second, is this constant observation affecting the outcome?
What would happen to the formation of the new government if we all just… turned the news off?
Addendum: The sparring between Campbell and Boulton that apparently kicked their spat off:
*end of football comment*
209 Comments
I have just seen this on FB. At first I was worried that Murdoch was trying to create a British Glenn Beck, but although I think Boulton has a clear anti labour bias, but I just think he really hates Campbell. And Campbell does patronise him quite badly, particularly here, which happened 4 days earlier.
This is tantamount to a playgrouns squabble, really
Wow! Sky News are becoming bullies over this election. Kay Burley is an Ice Queen though, and the “sack Kay Burley” chant was AWESOME!
Morning -lovely post JRME,
To be honest, It seems like the media is far more up in arms than the populace right now, Gordon just seems to have said “well, figure out who’s coming in, I’ll just tidy up my paperwork until then and then bugger off” , while various media outlets seem to have taken it as some huge plot against their chosen candidate.
It’s hardly ’sordid’ or ’sleazy’ (to quote two of this morning’s headlines) when the general public decides it doesn’t particularly relish being governed by any of the available options and votes accordingly, and I can’t see that a re-election will greatly help things without some radical policy and personnel shake-ups on both sides.
Jeez- a whole comment where I didn’t mention Back to the Future…shite…
FM:
He patronises him because he suddenly behaves like a massive baby! Campbell’s being completely reasonable (which is rare, for him) and possibly baiting a little bit (that’s surely the name of game) but then for Boulton, around 2:55, professionalism is thrown out of the window in a bucket of dignity.
I enjoy your superior take on it Fiona, but I think the fact Boulton and Burley reveal their agenda in these clips through sheer fecklessness is obvious.
What I’m really enjoying is the use of the word ’squatting’ regarding Gordon Brown. Have they got robots to act as substitutes when no party’s actually been elected to govern?
It just makes me picture him in a burnt out number 10, skinning up and drinking cider by gas light as he realises the electric’s been cut off.
‘Squatting’: Not very accurate and not very clever.
And YES! Brilliant post JRME.
Great post, JRME, though I do want to answer your last question: “What would happen to the formation of the new government if we all just… turned the news off?”
The sky would be rent asunder, chickens would lie down with pigs, the rivers would run as blood, great and mighty would be the thunderclaps from heaven and an army of newsreaders, talking heads and pundits would wail and gnash their teeth as they cried “No, film me! ME! ME ME ME ME ME! I HAVE THINGS TO SAY!”
Meanwhile, the rest of us would all get on with stuff and would probably all enjoy a drop in the average level of blood pressure.
Have to agree with Swineshead on Campbell – think he was, for once, being quite reasonable and trying to answer the question put to him. If you ask me Boulton went into that interview itching for a bit of aggro and seemed to do everything he could to make it happen.
Now I mention it, “Swineshead on Campbell” is the perfect title for a huge, hardbacked coffee-table book filled with tasteful black and white photos.
Ah, i forgot the link, which may put my comment in more context. Linky
This happened 4 days before Boulton got in his face. In this clip, Campbell starts telling him to calm down as well, and he was being calm. If you take the first clip out of any context, then I agree, but I am speaking from the context of the first clip as well. I don’t think that the position I have is superior, in that light.
I never mentioned Kay Burley. Her hectoring was completely unwarranted, for sure, but as JRME mentions, she has decided that bullying interviewees is a good startegy. I intend to simply ignore her.
FawnDoo – where’s my advance? I’d happily write that, so long as he bought the sandwiches from Pret for the interviews. When I worked in Holborn, he was very often in the Pret, buying sarnies. The big bastard.
From Campbell’s blog:
I was somewhat taken aback to be the only Labour figure trending on twitter an hour or so after the announcement and the reason – Adam Boulton – was trending all night. Justin Bieber eat your heart out.
Adam gets very touchy at any suggestion that he is anything other than an independent, hugely respected, totally impartial and very important journalist whose personal views never see the light of day, and who works for an organisation that is a superior form of public service than anything the BBC can deliver.
God, I am sorry. Early morning meetings do not a comprehensible Mel make.
I mean that given the bating in the clip I link to, Adam Boulton’s overreaction in the link cllip JRME gave us is less surprising, but still unwarranted.
Have I made a better stab at that now?
What is the date on that one Swines? (out of interest)
I’d seen that clip, Mel. What did Campbell do wrong in it, exactly? Voiced his opinion (that Sky are biased), clearly said ‘this is my opinion’, and then got rounded on by Kelvin bloody MacKenzie and Boulton!
So Sky ask you on their channel for your perspective, it disagrees with theirs and they accuse you of having ’smoked funny cigarettes’ and tell you ‘you’ve clearly gone mad’.
THAT’S quality journalism.
I can’t see that Campbell was being incendiary at any point… looks more like a bad reaction to a bloody nose on Sky’s part to me.
But Mel, thou didst not linketh to a clip…
Campbell vs Boulton & Kelvin MacKenzie was on the 6th May.
Aaah now I see your clip.
(but I can’t watch it at work cos they are FASCISTS)
Mel’s clip HERE… in case you missed it.
Swineshead – why is he a big bastard for buying sandwiches in Pret? Did he lick all of the ones he wasn’t going to buy and put them back on the shelves? Did you have a Boulton-esque go at him one day over the last Chicken Caesar wrap?
He tried to dictate what sandwiches I should eat. I stood up to the gruff spin-doctor, and screamed:
DON’T TELL ME MY LUNCH. I’M HAVING GRUYERE AND HAM AND THAT’S THE END OF IT YOU BIG BULLY.
Swines – you are forgetting one thing. We are talking about Sky news. Has that ever really been synonymous with quality journalism? (*tongue in cheek*)
I still think that there is no love lost between Campbell and Boulton, and never has been. It is not really that professional of either of them to air their dirty laundry over the airwaves.
I love this idea that the British public voted for a hung parliament. Did we all get together to discuss it? If so, you forgot to tell me the time and date of the discussion. Me I just tootled down to the polling station, put an x on my ballot paper, and when all the votes were counted up, found myself listening to all this news of hung parliaments the next day. In my constituency, we returned the same MP we have had since 1997. Not much change there.
I think we may be able to boil this down to:
‘Spin Doctor a C*ck, News Broadcaster Even Bigger C*ck’
Can we?
I don’t really need a consensus, FM.
DINLT – It think it’s more that the Hung Parliament, however it came about, seems to reflect the national mood in some way. The fact that, in practice, it’s a right pain in the arse is only now coming to light for a load of voters who weren’t actually clear what it was in the first place.
Fiona, I agree that it’s not professional to air dirty laundry over the airwaves but in this case I don’t think Campbell is guilty of that. He was trying to be reasonable and answer a question put to him about a complex situation. Boulton had an axe to grind, not Campbell, who tried to calm the man down before his rage built to the point where he would shit himself on national TV.
I’m just glad we don’t quite have Fox, to be honest. At least our journalists are supposed to hide their bias.
On that, will OFCOM actually do anything about this I wonder?
In a way the voting system has for once suited the lib Dems and now they want to go and change it. Typical Lib Dem too, in the fact that they cannot make up their minds who they will support. We need a PM soon, who the heck is going to wave our lads off to South Africa?
Unless you work in the city -is it really, really that much of a pain though? The tube stil seemed to be running this morning, and I’m still expected to pump out tons of quality scando porn on a daily basis (figuratively speaking). Is it actually ruining anyone’s day that much because there’s no-one around to lie about getting more nurses on the wards for a week?
DINLT – it’s suited the Lib Dems how? Vote to seat ratio for them was still massively skewed.
As for waving our boys off, we could do it? I’ll dress as a pearly king and you can be an English Lion?
Aargh, someone in the nearby buildings is playing really loud and really terrible Gabba. I must go somewhere else, this is way too much for my poor little head right now.
I bet by the time I get back we will have moved on to discussing poetry or summat!
Really, who still listens to Gabba these days?
Peraly king eh Swines that’s a bit Loindon centric ain’t it? I hear the clamour of unfairness from oop North already. I quite fancy being a lion however. (Maybe we need 3 lions?).
FM – Have you heard the webuyanycar dot com advert?
DINLT – I’m not dressing as a lion.
It’s not even that much of a pain for The City, everyone is far more concerned with the Euro bail-out.
I don’t even know what Gabba is and now I feel very old nd out of touch. I am only 31. *sobs*
Even more so now I see that I can’t even type out the word “and”.
I reckon we should treat it as a welcome break and let them hand out false promises to each other for week or so…
That bloomin’ ad. I cannot listen to Talksport these days. Is it worse that gocompare. It seems to be the trend these day, these in your face relentless jingles ( which is not the right the word for them) played very loudly. I am sticking to the beeb for the time being.
Well, simplistically you could argue that House loops over 4 beats and Techno loops over 2 beats, so on that basis Gabba loops over one beat.
Does that help?
Oh yeah, that’s cleared it right up Fourstar, thanks for that.
*baffled*
*unwraps Werthers Original*
That’s a classic: telling journalists where their sympathies lies is always going to kick up a shitstorm. It’s like painting a picture of that fellow and showing it to those fellows.
In Sweden accusations of public service being “leftist” (even stalinist) resulted in that since the mid-70’s public service has been flooded by people from non-state churches (yes, the god-botherers). Until the mid-90’s those people didn’t have a political party on their own. Now, 2010, former public service journos have started their own, rightwing-christian media channels.
Thank you.
Hello again. That is much better, although I am not really sure where the discussions of Keats and Wordsworth went…
Fawndoo, you are clearly not an old raver!
Keats and Yeats are on your side, Fiona.
But you lose.
Meh, Indy, Wilde is overrated in any case.
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilde is on miiiiiiiiine.
*sniff*
That was beautiful, fourstar
Thanks, Mel, people often* compliment** me on my vocal*** similarity**** to His Mozship.
* never
** complain
*** nasal
**** difference
Well, never mind, fourstar, I bet you aren’t as sulky as he is, in any case.
I am afraid I am not an old raver. I was frighteningly out of touch even when I was actually young. I can’t even say things like “having it large” or “off me nappa” without sounding like someone from the BBC trying to sound like the kids on the street. Even trying to explain how crap and non-modern I am makes me sound even more crap and non-modern.
You weren’t missing much Fawndoo, I went to a couple in the wilds of Dorset as a nipper, and I can honestly say that standing around in a field of idiots wearing white gloves for 16 hours is as awful as it sounds. Fortunately I was blessed with a local metal pub and a heroic capacity for cider to fill the lonely, awkward teenage years instead
Adam Boulton = heart attack waiting to happen….
Aah, the teenage cyder years. I had them too, Interceptor. So much so that I cannot touch the stuff now. Well, not the Strongbow type stuff. We used to have a friend with a press, and we would go and make it every year. I don’t know what they did to it, but it always tasted like ashtrays.
Does anyone else think the term “Hung Parliament” sounds saucy ?
Why are metal pubs so much more frequently found in smaller towns? London has a worrying lack. I only know of the Crowbar, and Slim Jims.
ah there’s a few Spags-where are you based? try Holloway road, the devonshire (a bit goth), the phoenix…
yay scrumpy. Mel -was it bright red? they used to sell it by the gallon around the corner from my house for £2-tasted like turps…
You and every red top sub-editor, Nick.
No, not red. I think that is to do with the type of apple you use.
I would have killed for the stuff we made to have tasted of turps. We still drank it, mind you
What about a rumpy – pumpy parliament?
Thanks for the tips. I’m not in London any more but do pop back.
Buckinghamshire seems to have a bit of a lack as well, but it (happily) also lacks the deathcamps that I had come to expect, on account of a certain N. Cockaparte.
Where is he today? N Cockaparte, I mean.
Maybe he got rich off of all of the t shirt sales
Or maybe he’s dealing with lawsuits over child lepur labour and chemical burns..?
Morning. Nice post etc etc.
Good, glad it’s not just me.
*TOO MUCH CARRY ON…….*
Good work on the post btw JRME.
All that pasting…
I’m here, look.
Anyway, I heard none of this bleating and whining about the ‘Murdoch media’ when the buggers backed Labour for twelve years. Of course, Tory supporters don’t bleat and whine like Labour voters do. No doubt because they’re too busy being evil, what with them being Nazis.
Oh, and I’m FURIOUS today.
Whaddup Napoleon?
If they’re Nazis, then where the fook is Indiana Jones to sort all this mess out?
Going by the conversation in the canteen at the moment, I’d say Tory suporters only whine about having to pay an extra £20 a year council tax. They earned that! Why shouldn’t they keep it? Even if – as evidenced by the pure f**king evil going on in Hammersmith and Fulham for the past couple of years -it means a few dirty poor people, old people or the severely disabled are denied acces to basic care, heating, shelter and food, or any other at-risk individual or group ends up sleeping on the streets. I mean, that’s a whole £20 a year! Of course, I’m generalising, I mean, if you’re earning upwards of 50k, you could save as much as £75! Fuck those poor, downtrodden masses, that’s enough for a meal for two with wine in a mid range restaurant….
Those poor, downtrodden masses who shouldn’t exist under a Labour government, surely?
I stopped supporting Labour when they stopped being the socialist party…
they shouldn’t exist under any decent government in a developed country, but just because they do there’s no reason to treat them like shit while you grub around for every last piece of silver you can forcibly extract from the poor bastards.
I’m surprised Labour’s not banned us from supporting them.
I’m thinking of doing a Paul Daniels if this Lib / Lab shit happens.
Nappers – this isn’t about supporting either team – it’s about Sky journalism going into weird meltdown mode…
That’s because Tories are evil, Interceptor. Do you see? Do you see how the downtrodden masses in your area are there because of the Tories? Do you? Because they’re all money grabbing bastards? Yes? Because they couldn’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves? Yes? Those fucking Tories!
*shakes fists at own evil, money-grubbing, Nazi mother*
So, a serious question. Does anyone know what sparks an OFCOM enquiry?
Hung parliament? Is it -well- hung?
Never had any complaints!
Ironic assemblage of Godwin’s law there from Napoleon…
Still ignoring the fact that Adam Boulton’s losing the plot on the telly, daily then…
Complaining to OFCOM?
Indy – Simon Schama couldn’t resist that gag on Newsnight on Saturday. Went down like a knackered lift.
So Naps, if the LibLab coalition goes ahead, you’re going to find someone twenty years younger than you, put them in a box, cut them in half and then marry them?
It ain’t me that paints Tories as Nazis, Swineshead. It’s imbeciles.
Oh, and Godwin’s Law is a ridiculous pile of crap.
That’s about the long and the short of it, Fourstar.
Not evil NC, just unfortunately predisposed to favour the wealthy and the creation of wealth at the expense of just about everything else, widening class and wealth gaps and pricing average households out of central urban districts, while cutting services for those who need them most.
Who’s this Schama guy anyway? I read him in “The New Yorker” (yes, I’ve been to New York for a week) and he didn’t really convince me that he was the right person for the analysis.
How is it a pile of crap?
Certainly has a ring of truth. You’re the one employing it for ironic effect when criticising non-Tories.
While there’s a chance of electoral reform and we’ve still no premier, might I remind everyone we want:
KNIGEL KNAPP FOR PRESIDENT
Mmm, leftover honey-mustard roast chicken with cous-cous and salad for lunch. right about………now.
Is it really only triggered by complaints? If so, then maybe we should do one?
4* – I hope you weren’t just showing off, and intend to share that bounty?
Fourstar – i had homemade nettle and wild garlic soup
*awaits NC’s rage*
That sounds quite good Mel -although I noticed they were selling nettles at the farmer’s market this weekend-what sort of fool would buy nettles?
Nappers – is it morally sound to call the BNP nazis? I only ask, becausenone of us actually did, during our discussion with them the other day. There were allusions to Naziism, but no-one actually said they were.
*rereads thread just in case*
Napoleon’s Law – Anyone who brings up jelly in an argument immediately loses that argument.
See? Ridiculous. Somebody writes some nonsense on the internet, calls it a law and everyone takes it as read. Again, ridiculous.
Yes indeed, Interceptor. Bet those farmers are rubbing their hands with glee at the act that some lazy Londoners can’t be arsed to go to the park and get their own.
I love wild food. All you need is an hour in the countryside and you have yourself the ingredients for a delicios and free lunch or dinner.
OK, nappers, then I have just invented a law that states that everyone that partakes in trolling must pay me a fine of GBP20 per line. Seems like a good way of doing things to me.
*awaits riches beyond measure*
I think it’s perfectly sound to call the BNP Nazis, Mel. Because that’s what that pack of bastards are. It’s ridiculous, however, to label Tories Nazis, because they’re clearly not.
Oh, and I had to laugh about Interceptor’s widening gap between rich and poor comment. Apparently, I’m the only one that’s been paying attention over the last thirteen years. Beyond fucking belief.
Deep breaths, Nappers.
We do know that the ‘poor gap’ has widened in the last 13 years. Must be Nick Clegg’s fault.
Godwin’s not just some bloke off the internet. And from experience, people who mention Nazis to try and win an argument are largely onto a loser’s game.
Unless you’re talking about the BNP, who I agree are effectively parochial, ineffective Nazi wannabes.
I’ve just had lunch with my girlfriend’s father. We had mozzarella and chicken pie. The whole daughter’s boyfriend/girlfriend’s father thing is a bit awkward.
Hello!
I just wanted to point out, although I’m sure you all realised: I wasn’t trying to complain about Sky bias – although Twitter generally seems to be. I said that the BBC has faced criticism too, which it has.
Just the tone of these reports seem to show a network teetering on the edge, driven into a frenzy by its own micro-analysis. When you have 24 hour news coverage, and commentators talking to experts talking to anchors talking to “sources” talking to correspondants, opinion quickly gets disseminated as fact and the whole thing takes on a Chinese whispers feedback-look thing. “I think” becomes “some people say” becomes “the nation feels” becomes “It’s a fact to say that…” in the space of half an hour.
And this is dangerous, I think.
Goodbye!
Very well said, JRME.
Mel – What is trolling?
Indy – Were you not wearing any trousers? Or do you relate unsuitable anecdotes about your sex life?
Indy – That’s because all he sees is a big hairy brute slipping his pigtailed, six year old daughter the length. Fathers …
Thanks for that Naps.
*weeps*
Naps, You must remember that I live in London, where it’s not uncommon for gigantic solid marble portered houses to face across the street towards estates.
Anyway, the current H&F council was pointed out by Cameron as a model that he’d like to see copied under a Tory government across the country. This is the same council that has been repeatedly involved in the gross mistreatment of it’s citizens, including in one instance, telleing an abused, 8-month-pregnant woman that there was nowhere to put her when she fled her physically and sexually abusive husband, suggesting instead that she looked on the open market for a flat. Rather difficult to do in the circumstances obviously, meaning that she had to sleep on Shepherds Bush green with the alcies for a week. And of course, phoning up a series of elderly people who suffered from dementia and asking them if they were hungy. If they replied that they weren’t, then it was seen as a perfectly good justification to cut off delivery of prepared meals to them. I actually have nothing against people wanting to hold onto their cash, but I do object to it being at the expense of those clearly unable to look after themselves. I also object to people being turfed out of estates in south London, and being told by sneering councilers that they ‘live in a ghetto’. They’d be much better off piled into concrete blocks in the small-industry wastelands of Ealing obviously.
Not evil, just self-interested.
Spaghetti – this
Or the act of being big, hairy and ugly whilst living under a bridge. You choose
You’re welcome, Fourstar. You’ve got all that to come, of course.
“Daddy, I’m sixteen, this is is Wayne and he’s fucking me up my arse thrice nightly.”
“B-b-b-b-but … don’t you still like Barbies?”
Sixteen year old girls have an unspoken pact with their dads, Nappers. the girls pretend they cannot even spell sex, let alone do it. And the dads pretend to believe them.
*remembers veering wildly off-topic*
These charges won;t be introduced retrospectively, will they?
*returns to usual spot under bridge*
Yes, but don’t worry, I am not intending to apply Mel’s Money law to just this site, Spaghetti. I would be missing out on an awful lot of revenue were I to do that.
That’ll be GBP 2400 you owe me already, for just this thread.
I wore trousers. But I could not avoid the occasional innuendo. And the unavoidable question:
“Did you and your wife (my girlfriend’s mother) have sex during the pregnancy?”
Yes Indy, I can never* avoid asking my outlaws that over family dinners
*can always
Was there a particular reason for wanting to know, Indy? Or were you just curious?
Or is that what passes for “Did you see the cricket score?” and “I hear they’re extending the M42?” and “What about that volcano, eh?” in Sweden?
Having already agreed on 1) the weather and 2) the gold standard we ran out of subjects.
Surely Crime figures fetured somewhere in that list Indy?
I was thinking of mentioning the vulcano, but since I couldn’t pronounce it correctly, I decided to take a different turn in the conversation.
Luckily my other half’s father speaks barely a word of English. And I can only name fruit products in his mother tongue.
That last bit sounded a bit rude but wasn’t.
Fiona, actually not. There’s a new sheriff in town (Kenneth Branagh).
Phhew, well you must be relieved, Indy.
Hello there. Mel, I hope you had a nice Dock Leaf risotto after that Nettle Soup or else your insides are going to be all stung.
Swineshead: To a non-Brit your last comment looks a bit like the classic “like seafood?” joke.
My ex’s father had one thing running through his mind whenever we came face to face: RAPIST. Hopefully, having already had three heart attacks in the time I knew him, he’s dead now.
*crosses fingers*
I’m on to you, TESCO. Wrapping your pre-packed sandwiches in cardboard so I can’t see the back of ‘em and thus can’t see that you’ve only put the filling at the front. Bastards.
Do tell us the classic “like seafood?” joke, Indy, it seems to have passed me by…
The first time I was introduced to my GF’s parents was very “unfunny sitcom from the early eighties”. I woke up in her house on a sunday morning and was introduced to her parents while they were eating breakfast. I was still wearing quite a lot of makeup and wore skinny black jeans and a ripped t-shirt with a SKULL on it.
My GF:
Meet my boyfriend!
Parents staring at me – staring at each other – breaking “the fourth wall” by staring at audience – doing an impression of Munchs “The Scream”- picture freezes- The End.
4*: when you’re at a resturant (preferably a seafood one), you turn to your friend/special friend/partner/parole officer and ask him/her:
- Do you like seafood?
If the person answers “yes”, you open your mouth and shows him/her the halfchewed remains of a big bite of seafood.
*reads Indy’s comment*
Why aren’t there more Swedish comedies on our screens?
Indy – have we stumbled on to the reason for the akwardness at your lunch?
Napoleon: Swedish 80’s comedy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUnRLaWemME
*laughs uncontrollably*
The Spaghetti: Might be.
*modifies DeLorean DMC-12, in order to go back in time and kill girlfriends parents in sleep before mentioned breakfast incident*
Well Indy, all I can say to that is fan vad jag tjatade på farsan om att få en synth när jag var liten. Idag efter sisodär 25års eftertanke så hade jag nog haft större nöje av en bil hahaha.
*is still struggling with the classic seafood joke*
So, Napoleon, what do you think about that little gem? A redneck, who has an interest in formula 1/stock car racing, wishes to give his son a moped for a present but the son would rather like to have a syntheziser.
I’m not sure that the “comedians” had done their research very well. The new wave/goth punk youf is, judging by the badges, also a fan of the Rolling Stones.
4*: Och här byter du till svenska – bara så där?!?!
4*: You copied that from the comments.
HAH!
Hahaha
Jätte bra. Har du fått den från Google translate, fourstar
So that’s what they were saying, eh? Hilarious!
Dammit! Now I fancy some meatballs again. But I’m eating chicken miso soup like a BLOODY HIPPY.
Well, there is also a comedy song to go with it, Napoloen.
And the teenager accused the father of not knowing him at all. Harry Enfield done that, so it must be funny.
Indy – where is that shop keeper’s accent from? (not the father or son/ the other one with the funny accent)
This working now?
Nothing wrong with Hippy soup, JRME.
*sups nettle tea, for 0pence*
I tried to change my link but wordpress wouldn’t let me!
That looked like a Swedish Not the Nine O Clock news
I quite fancy nettles, bit late now isn’t it?
Fiona, he’s from Västergötland (the same province that I’m from). Actually they’re all from Västergötland.
Nick – no way. Just take the top whorls off the plant, and they are perfect right now (this also leaves some for the Common British Butterfly to lay on)
Just don’t eat them in June, when they become gritty. And definitely never when they are flowering, because they taste gross then.
I love them. I eat them instead of spinach and that at this time of year. And they help break the boredom of brassicas, which are the only thinkg in my garden, cos I got the beans in late. Perfect for the hungry gap.
Great, thanks….
Next week Nick and Fiona discuss mushrooms and their many uses in the kitchen….
Bang to rights, Indy, I copied the one that had “hahahaha” at the end, whacked it into Google Translate to check for offensiveness and Robert är min mors bror
But he is putting on an accent. Isn’t he Indy? Maybe I have become too enamoured of the Stockholm nasal twang.
Stockholm nasal twang = söderslang (Swedish equivalent of cockney), Fiona?
*4: It didn’t take Kenneth Branagh (as Wallander) to figure that out.
Erm, not quite, Indy. Hs family come from Ostermalm, so only Riksvenska for me.
Indy – so you don’t have to keep spelling out Kenneth Brannagh all of the time, can we just start calling him badwallander?
There’s absolutely fuck all wrong with Branagh’s Wallander.
Except he cannot pronoune any of the place names that they have insisted on keeping. But apart from that, nothing at all. Oh and the fact that we have a tradition of subtitling foreign content, rendering an in English remake a bit pointless. I would feel this way if the cast consisted of Laurence Olivier himself, let alone Mr Brannagh
Also, it is supposed to be shorthand. If I had tried to change Kennth Brannagh to quite-good-at-playing-a-moddy-swedish-cop-as-long-as-he-doesn’t-have-to-say-where-he-is-or-the-name-of-the-person-to-whom-he-wants-to-speakWallander, it would have defeated the point a bit, really.
1. The place names thing – so what?
2. So it’s a remake, so what? It’s a good remake.
Fiona, Östermalm?!? The Swedish Kensington! You’re with one of the toffs, aren’t you?
Nappers, I have not said that it is a bad remake. I have to admit to only having seen one. My points are these:
1. British people are used to reading subtitles for foreign films, so making an English language version is less worthwhile than in a country where dubbing is the norm. This (dubbing) is odd to watch, and can make the dialogue very stilted. This is why I say it is pointless.
2. If you are going to go to the trouble of remaking a series, don’t you think that there is some fantastic source material (ie the original) available that you can study to help you pronounce the name? Or maybe just change the place names, as you have the language. I don’t see that it will be any less moody if it is set in Margate, and the criminals are called Smith, or Bert or something.
Yes, yes I am Indy. Very sorry.
*hangs head in shame*
Well, good on you, Fiona. But, if, IF, your current relationship ends and you still insist on dating a Swede, I recommend that you choose someone from Västergötland. We like cars. And synthezisers.
Sounds fantastic. Where do I sign up?
I recommend that you google map places like “Skara”, “Skövde” and “Borås”.
Who cares, Mel? So he doesn’t pronounce the place names of some backwater country properly? So? Do you think anyone other than Swedes and people like you is bothered?
And just because we’re used to dubbing doesn’t mean we can’t remake things in our own language. Indeed, the existence of this show proves we’re capable of such a thing. And again, it doesn’t matter.
I’d add that, as a non-resident, you’re not entitled to have an opinion on BBC output because you steal it. Do you see? Do you see how you’re a bloody thief? THIEF!
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Aces, well, I will have to bump off the Big Guy and his dad first (for the inheritance – see?), then I will be there before you can say två flugor ett smack.
andloads of other random stuff as well.
Actually – google map those places and put them on your list of places where you don’t want to go (like Helmand and North Korea).
I did my military service in Skara (yes – I’ve been a goth but I’m also a sergeant in the Swedish army) and that’s was one of my most horrible experiences. Friday nights spent staring at my “platoon mates” staring at the middle-aged blonde waitress on the pizzeria “Santa Lucia”, who according to the myth*, used to take soldiers with her home after closing time.
A bad Dad’s Army/Inbetweeners combination in a one year long episode.
*myth = lie/fantasy
I am as entitled to have an opinion on the Beeb – which Dutch TV pays for, so so do I indirectly – as I am to vote.
Since I registered my preference for the candidate of my choice for my old constituency before the May6th deadline, I think I am entitled to a sense of entitlement.
And let’s say some Londoner had done a remake of a Northern programme, like, erm, Corrie, or Heartbeat, or….
If they started badly pronouncing Leeds or Mablethorpe, you would be up in arms.
Ha, Indy, the Big Guy had a very similar experience, except he chose to do civil service (for which he had to go and be assessed by no fewer than 4 psychologists) in a hydropowerplant. And there were no women in the place where he was staying, and you can imagine what got allof those men going (don’t imgaine, you may never be able to look at a fish in the same way again)
Naps, you should listen to what it sounds like when the Swedish MotD presenters talks about “Leicester” (Ley-Cest-er).
What does “Skara” mean Indy? There’s a place in Orkney called Scara Brae where they found a stone age village (which automatically makes it the most culturally advanced place north of Edinburgh), and I know lots of the places there have names derived from Norse.
Indy – have you ever killed a man (possibly over a pizza/middle-aged woman issues)?
You’re not entitled to an opinion because you and that shambolic rabble of drug-abusing layabouts STEAL our TV.
And yes, I probably would be up in arms because Leeds and Mablethorpe ARE IN MY COUNTRY. So I’d notice, see? I and everyone but the likes of you (Euro arse lickers and suicidal, sex-crazed drunkards) doesn’t give a tupenny fuck if Kenneth Branagah’s pronouncing some shitpot place in the arse end of nowhere wrong because we’ve never fucking heard of it.
Well, I cannot be held responsible for your lack of education, Nappers. I have heard of them, and it annoys me. Not as much as you are annoyed by everything and everybody, I grant you, but annoyed nevertheless.
So because I’ve not heard of some places in Sweden, I’m uneducated? What about you, Mel? Do you know the names and correct pronunciation of every city, town and village on Earth? If not, aren’t you a bit thick?
Thumper: “Skara” doesn’t mean anything. There is however a Swedish word that is spelled exactly the same way but it means “large group of people”. “Brae” sounds a bit like the Swedish word “bra”, which means good.
The Spaghetti: I’ve never killed a man I’ve actually been to a fight in that very pizzeria. A young fellow from the suburbs (they go to town to pick fights with the soldiers) called me “gay” and I responded in a too witty way which resulted in a fight. I won that fight (in a very unfair fashion).
Indy – by unfair, do you mean you called in an artillery barrage that blew him to smithereens (which may or may not actually be in Sweden)? Anywho, good work.
…And before anyone else says something about it, I would like to point out that even though the Swedish word “bra” means “good” – the Swedish word for “great” is NOT “topless”.
Well maybe the name isn’t Norse then, Indy. “Good group of people” seems a bit of an unlikely name for a place in Orkney. Unless they were being ironic, like they were with Greenland.
I’m surprised at your pizzeria Santa Lucia, by the way. I thought pizzerias outside of Italy were obliged to form their name using the following list of words:
Roma
Napoli
Bella
Mamma
Venice
O Sole Mio
Nessun Dorma
Caesar
Marco Polo
Napoleon – but you see dear, I am thick
*smiles sweetly with head on one side*
You cannot use the argument that it doesn’t matter in places that you don’t know of, but then say that you would get cross if the same applied to places that you have heard of. That is what is known as common or garden hypocrisy.
Anyway, this all boils down to semantics. Literally and figuratively in this case. Go and have a cup of tea and it will all be better in five minutes.
The Spaghetti: Unfair in this case means 1) first responding in a very rude (but funny) way to his initial insult and thereby giving him a reason for 2) starting a fight which I then 3) finished by saying “hey, I don’t want any trouble” followed by 4) throwing an ashtray in that poor boy’s face and 5) running away.
There’s a Chinese in Lincoln called ‘Legal Food’.
Indy – although thatcould be considered great by some people.
I love that the literal translation of very (as in Jätte bra) is giant. That pleases me in a way I cannot describe. Kind of like a lovely happy version of schadenfreude, or something. Is there a word for that?
Nappers – is that Chingrish, or a notice on the door from the Environmental Health?
Boom Boom
Sorry, Mel, but I can use any argument I want, thanks very much. It DOESN’T matter to me, see? So you’re wrong, see? See how you’re wrong by the very fact that it doesn’t matter to me? Do you see?
*wins*
It’s a sign writer called Dave who got rung up and asked for a sign that said ‘Regal Food’ by a woman with very little English and a distinctly Oriental way of pronouncing her ‘r’s. They’re stuck with it now.
The prefix “jätte” (giant ) is very funny in combination with the word “liten” (small), which is done in order to describe something very small. So jätteliten (giant small) = something tiny.
Schadenfreude = skadeglädje
*rolls eyes*
Hmm, the nuremburger defence eh? Or something?
*doesn’t care who wins pointless internet argument*
Thanks Indy, but I meant is there a word for kind of the opposite of schadenfreude? When you find something delightful, or can take pleasure in something because it is nice in an insignificant way.
*quickly writes down new Swedish word*
Can I just mention that All-Scando Action man Beck is way more ace than Wallander? (Johan Falk’s alright too, bit grim mind…)
Fiona, I see. Hmm. Tricky one. Is there an English word for the opposite of “schadenfreude”? In Sweden we tend to be, at best, a bit sceptical about people who are happy and succesful so I guess we are the wrong bunch to turn to for such words.
Oh Indy, us Brits are not that different. Exept we like to flout laws.
Interceptor, I must point out that Beck, himself, isn’t much of an action man (his loyal sidekick/maverick cop “Gunwald Larsson” on the other hand…). Johan Falk is just “straight to video” (betamax).
Interceptor: Have you seen the old Beck movies, like this one:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_on_the_Roof
?
Ace!
It is isn’t it? I watched I Stormens oga yesterday instead of doing actual work and it was fantastic-he’s the Swedish Bond!
That would be Bonde, Interceptor. He is the Swedish Bonde.
> The prefix “jätte” (giant ) is very funny in combination with the word “liten” (small), which is done in order to describe something very small.
Judging on previous Swedish efforts, I would question their right to qualify anything as “very funny”.
*is baffled by the seafood thing, still*
Interceptor, here’s the trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EUhmAVn-po&feature=related
A bit Pearce’s 1974-1977…-ish.
I’m currently ensconsed in Viasat’s West London office Indy, and to be honest the only things to watch are Beck or ‘Swedish Hollywood Wives’ (as horrific/super-sexy as it sounds)…
I’m racking my brains to remember when James Bond had an ‘a’ on the end of his surname.
No, can’t place it …
4*, Let’s settle for “strange” instead of “very funny”. OK?
Interceptor: my sister used to work for Viasat in that building a year ago. Right now she is working in one of the other buildings in the same area, but I can’t remember what company it is.
Fourstar, I am sure your kids will delight you with versions of that joke. It is ‘funny’, because by showing you what is in the mouth, you can see food. Seafood – geddit?
I have an Ikea storage “solution” that goes by the name of Spunk. That’s very funny in my (childish) book.
H&M released a brand of jeans called Fit slick, which is hilarious in Swedish, being, as it is, a demure way of describing cunnilingus.
The Spaghetti, back in the 50-60’s a Swedish child book author named Astrid Lindgren included that made up word (which means absolutely nothing in Swedish) in her books about Pippi Longstockings. I think that there is some kind of Swedish connection: Lindgren – IKEA.
Yes, former Nazi turned IKEA CEO Ingvar Kamprad is a very funny man.
*wins argument by pointing out that Kamprad used to be a member of a Nazi youth group*
Well bugger me. Labour’s thrown in the towel, by all accounts.
Aha-say hello to her from me Indy, hopefully she’s over at Discovery earning far more than the people here! On the plus side we do have our own lake I suppose..
Discovery. That’s where she works. I’ll send her a txt and ask her to wave to you with a bunch of £50 notes through her window.
Mel, if one of my offspring came out with the grammatically-incorrect “Do you like see food?”, they’d be eating the rest in the garden with the dog, not chuckling at catching out their old man with a mouth full of half chewed Kung Po Prawn, I can tell you.
Cheers Indy, I’ll join her once I start my magnificent new career* later this month..
*dicking about on Twitter
Love it when Kay Burley acknowledges that a lot of people don’t like Sky when that protester is shouting that she should be sacked. It’s the only thing she seems to have understood! I would love her to explain how the country wanted a hung parliament – I didn’t see that box on the list! Dumb bint.
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