An article written for TV Pixie…
Over to BBC Three for a surprisingly brief look into the world of children’s’ beauty pageants.
A 29 minute run-time in BBC Three territory is no more than a flash in the pan, as usually their lightweight documentaries span entire hours, delivering very little and rarely failing to disappoint.
Read the rest of the article here.
*end of football comment*
87 Comments
Never mind sexy kids! HOLA!
WHOA MOMMA!
Where did you find that specialist picture, Napoleon? I can’t find erotic imagery like that for love nor for money!
I’m keeping my secrets close to my chest, Swineshead.
Well … a bit lower than my chest, if I’m honest.
GUMPH
Do you get this over there? I have only seen the trailer for it, but won’t be watching it any time soon. Spoilt brats making themselves and their equally spoilt offspring look terrible.
I actually find this concept deeply disturbing, but thought that it wouldn’t reach our shores. How wrong I was, sadly.
Emmerdale is a disgrace:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1297740/Emmerdale-causes-outrage-crude-offensive-shopping-list-Dingles-kitchen.html
Ginger Lovespud…you are a bit behind the times old son. We cogitated over this earlier in the week.
I can’t be expected to log on and read things every single day. I’m a busy man with important things to do*
*lives a sad lonely existance and does very little
From some wanky site Woo’s linked to …
“Your clothes may be Beau Brummel they stand out a mile, but brother youre (sic) never fully dressed without a smile.” And London smiles are the best.
And London smiles are the best?
BASTARD LONDON WANKER BASTARDS! THIS IS WHY WE HATE YOU! THIS SORT OF THING, YOU C*NTS! WHY ISN’T THERE BLOOD RUNNING FREELY IN THE STREETS OF THAT CITY? EH?
*boils in fizzing bath of fury*
Nappers – Londoners smile so rarely that people appreciate them disproportionately when they do see them. There is nothing sinister in the statement, or particularly anti northern.
I saw that too, Napoleon. What a set of cocks.
It’s the pretentious fucking wankiness of it that boiled my blood, Mel. And the presumptuousness. I know full well that smiles are rare on the ground down that way and I doubt these idiots have ever even heard of the north.
I’m amazed that there isn’t a slaughter of these people by Londoners sick of being tarred with the twat brush. BASTARDS.
Fourstar – BASTARDS!
I do not get it. It’s just a load of the usual bollocks about London. As a born Londoner I can tell you the city is overcrowded and far too expensive! The real London is a harsh and unforgiving place, though with some interesting history, but most cities have that too. Disneyland London just parts people from their money.
*is glad she has never been tarred by a twat brush*
*is glad he has*
There was one of those over the top arty series on radio 4 where they went on about London ad nauseum. If you’ve got dosh it is fun, if not, then your standard of living is not good.
I saw an advert for a Radio 4 show that was asking whether London still felt part of the UK. What an idiotic premise. Where do the pretentious arseholes at the BBC think they’re living? Renaissance Venice?
Aren’t most of them being forced to move to Manchester Nappers?
Just been looking at Woo’s website. I like her taste in music. I really like Ian Mcnabb too, his backing band on the brilliant album Head like a Rock was Crazy Horse. And Crazy Horse are ffffffffin’ brill!
Well that is because we are so multi cultural Nap. It’s like the whole world is in one place, smiling!
They must be dreading the idea, Mel. No doubt most of them think we all still ride around on horseback and eat nothing but turnips up north.
The friendliest city I have been to in the UK is Birmingham.
Birmingham? Can’t say I’ve noticed on the occasions I’ve found myself in that shithole.
Surely they only sound friendly because of their amusing accents?
Maybe they offered DINLT some ’special favours’.
To be honest, the friendliest cities I’ve been to have been the ones I’ve tended to have friends in. So that’d be Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen, Sheffield, Bradford, Leeds, Nottingham and, yes, London.
Actually, fuck Leeds.
Urban woo and I would get on well. She appreciates the brilliance of Blondie. Mind you Crouch End…remember sitting in a pub there being told about the ley lines that are connected to Glastonbury. The thing about Crouch End is most people have moved there. The people who have lived there all their life are a completely different type to the ones who make up the arty farty set.
Glasgow was great fun…but it’s not England.
Anyway the first thing to understand about London is that it does not exist. What does exist is a series of villages that collectively go under the name of London. Where it begins and where it ends is anybody’s guess. General rule of thumb is, if there an underground train then you are probably in what is called London.
Or Newcastle.
Were you labouring under the impression that somebody thought Glasgow was in England, DINLT?
As for London not existing, I think you’ll find it does. And your village theory applies to most of the cities on the planet.
I think you can measure how friendly a city is by how friendly the bus drivers are. If they’re helpful to out-of-towners and chatty with the old folk coming on, that’s a sign of a friendly city.
(You can’t do the same exercise with Taxi Drivers, because too many of them have personality disorders that make PE teachers look balanced.)
Well of course it exists, but only in a metaphysical way. Yes, but they really are villages that have been subsumed into the metropolis.
I agree with Naps, Mikey, that’s the same everywhere: Rome, Paris, Tokyo, you name it.
What the hell do you think most cities start out as, DINLT? Again, this is not a unique feature of London. Every city I’ve ever been to has absorbed the villages around it.
Thumps – I disagree. They’re very friendly towards folk up here (unless you’re an awful student from the 1990s), yet the bus drivers are miserable C*NTS.
So in a way we are saying no city actually exists!
Not really, DINLT, no. The villages just become boroughs, districts, areas, what-have-you. They’re the things that cease to exist, if anything does.
The city of London is the square mile. And as we are agreed villages get absorbed. The thing about London is that it is so vast, that there are great differences between North and South and East and West. To collectively call it London which i have no problem with, just seems to be too easy and not recognising the differences.
Here we go with the unique argument again. DINLT, the city I live in has great differences between areas that stand give minutes apart from one another. ALL cities are like this. London ain’t nothing special in this respect, old son.
And it’s collectively called London because that’s what it is – London. No different from Manchester or Birmingham or Leeds … well, not Leeds. FUCK LEEDS.
No it’s not unique. New York is just as diverse.
Oh, and these ‘great differences’ you talk about? Here we are:
Beggars
Stinking poor people
Poor people
Not quite so poor people
People who are getting by
People who are doing alright
Well-off people
Rich people
Stupendously rich people
Paul McCartney
What diversity!
No it’s not unique. New York is just as diverse.
Ho ho!
Afternooon all!
Bristol is a nice city.
Hmm…New York is a completely different city, and has diversity. What I mean is that the multi cultural aspect of a city is by no means unique, thus London is just another big city.
What city doesn’t have diversity? Warwick?
Afternoon, Clarence.
Hi Nappers!
Alright, are you? YOU FLY-BY-NIGHT!
*glowers at Clarry*
Even Lincoln had diversity. There was twats, twats in tracksuits, alcoholic twats, tart twats, drug-addled twats, pretentious twats, potato-faced farming twats, busybody twats and this one black fella who lived down my road (though he may have moved to Horncastle by now).
Damn, I’ve missed an interesting conversation.
I love London. LOVE it. But all the things I love about it would probably be true of any major city in the world. Basically: pretty good public transport system, shops very near wherever I am where I can buy Coca Cola and fags at most hours of the day, and places that make me interesting and tasty food.
I don’t believe there’s a London vibe as these trendhawks suggest: there’s probably a Shoreditch vibe, or a Hackney vibe, where the greatest concentration of these self-regarding idiots consider their own navels, but most people who live in London are just people who happen to live in London.
SOMEONE TELL ME MY POINT. I’VE FORGOTTEN IT.
Hello Clarry! Ooh yes! *runs off to Facebook*
I’ve a sneaking suspicion that being able to get a packet of ciggies, a decent meal and a can of pop is a feature common to most towns in the world, never mind major cities, JRME.
yes Nap…”but at most hours of the day? ”
I do not love London. No beach, no dusky beauties all over the place, small rizla papers can be as much as 50p from rip off news agents, beer too expensive in pubs, coffeee generally awful and overpriced, pretencious restaurants. Shall i go on?
Not Southend. Southend is lacking any cuisine more haute than fish/chips/glutenous MSG Chinese schlock. And if you’re not near the big 24 hour Tesco or the big 24 hour Asda, you’ll struggle with the pop past closing.
I’m only reporting what I know, clearly.
Southend is fun.
Well, perhaps with the exception of being able to get hold of hot food you haven’t cooked y’self after three thirty in the morning, yes, DINLT. As a Londoner, you’ll no doubt be staggered to hear that we’ve got 24 hour services out here in the sticks too. Amazingly, I can buy things in the middle of the night if I so desire … and I’m not in London!
It’s such a shame for you that Google exists to expose your LIES, JRME.
LIES!
OK, there’s no beach. But I’ve seen plenty of dusky beauties, what the hell do you WANT from coffee, go to Sam Smiths pubs, and yes, there are overpriced and pretentious restuarants but there are also many delicious and cheap restaurants. Plus London is pretty, has loads of parks, and I can’t be bothered to continue to argue because we’re never going to agree.
Actually wher I am it is not so easy to buy stuff in the middle of the night. There is a 24 hour garage, but that’s about two miles away and the local Tesco closes at about 11.00. What I do have is a direct 24 hour bus service to the airport, to get somewhere warmer fast! £1.10 and i am at Heathrow within an hour.
Some parts of London are pretty. Some parts are devasted wastelands.
And JRME, I mean real dusky beauties not sunbed orange. Also most parks are for nefarious activities.
Oh, Naps! Naps! All those restaurants were rubbish chains. Apart from The Boatyard which I have been to and is pretentious and overpriced (not just London, Mikey!)
And that’s, what, 10 24-hour shops in an area of 10 square miles? Density coverage FAIL.
Thanks, though. Those maps made me very nostaligic. I just went and google street-viewed my old house. THEY’VE RUINED IT!
Sam Smiths boozers, eh? Typical that it’s a Yorkshire company bringing a bit of common sense to booze prices down in that robbing GET of a city.
Are you from Southend JRME?
Quite right Nap…Young’s or Fullers or local microbreweries is what your Londoner goes for. Sam Smiths pah!
Do you see how those restaurants (being a chain restaurant makes no difference) add up to more than this:
“Southend is lacking any cuisine more haute than fish/chips/glutenous MSG Chinese schlock.”
Do you see?
Youngs and Fullers? People actually drink that crappy slop, do they?
I think they give that stuff to pigs up ‘ere …
Eh? I’ve been in loads of parks and no-one’s ever tried to nef my farious activities.
Maybe cos I’m not a dusky beauty? *hides from Mikey*
Young’s has gone down hill since the move to Bedford. Best beer is by a brewery called Twickenham fine ales. Sundancer is nectar.
I do see, Napoleon. I shall be sure in future that anything written in the format x/y/z are not just representative examples of a set, but will include EVERY SINGLE ELEMENT WITHIN THAT SET.
What I was trying to say, you old nitpicker you, is that you don’t get a decent choice should you want a nice bit of scram. None of those restaurants, in my monumentally humble experience, do good scram.
I lived in Southend aged 8-18, Mikey, but born in Lewisham.
Youngs are a load of bastards. They’ve tarted up all their shit boozers to make them “gastropubs” with the same beer at a quid more a pint. They’ve just done my local, the last bastion of the old geezer/South African/Aussie/me skintoid contingent of the area. Bastards.
I know JRME, Young’s have gone upmarket. The portions are miniscule and the fish dish down my local was extremely whiffy, which prompted a discussion amongst the regulars, that the fish was off!
Nothing wrong with Pizza Express apart from them being a bit stingy, JRME. Of course, you’re probably one of these buggers that thinks any chain restaurant is a load of shit, which is ridiculous nonsense and snobbery into the bargain.
You’re wrong about Southend, as I have conclusively proved using science!
*wins by a vast margin*
Actually, the more I look into the eateries of Southend, the more varied and gastronomic does it become. I may go on a food holiday there, such is the wide range of choice available to the seasoned diner.
*smacks lips*
And you can buy fags and Coke at any time of the day and night!
*looks at spooling ticker tape readout*
*adjusts bunsen burner under huge labyrinth of test tubes and conical beakers and condensers*
Why…you’re right, Naps! Good God! This is unprecedented!
*does bidding of passive-aggressive ultra-violent Portal-style computer*
You could do far worse Nap. If your feeling a little adventurous try Leigh on Sea. Seafood stalls, jellied eels and all sorts of lovely stuff.
Pizza express is ok, agree they are a bit stingy and they go over the top with the tomato puree on the pizza.
I know I’m right, JRME! Look!
So much more than fish, chips and Chinese food! And that’s just one of many, many restaurants!
Cheerio!
*wanders off, victorious*
Honestly, Naps. No joking. Don’t go to Southend. It’s full to bursting with terrible berks (apart from my mums and dads. Go and stay with one lot o’them! You can talk to my tiny nan!)
I’ve already wandered off after winning, JRME.
*books holiday to Southend*
I can see what you’ve done there, Naps. You didn’t carry the one and you’ve confused Southend with San Francisco.
What? Oh… *hollers into distance* I SAID, I CAN SEE WHAT YOU’VE…
Never mind.
I’d stay clear of Fresh Dungeness Crab Cakes – 17.
*comes thundering back in*
That bastard Google! Why did it link from Fisherman’s Wharf in Southend to Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco? I’ve still won, obviously, but I’m not quite so keen on the idea of going there on a food holiday now I know I can’t get veal medallions to match the gold medallion I won for winning in my recent battle with JRME.
*cancels that fucking holiday*
Sorry Naps, I’ve been two timing you lot with day time telly.
*high 5s JRME*
S’alright, Clarry. We’ve just been treading water until you returned.
I thought as much, what with my massively interesting inputs of ’Morning!’ and ‘Afternoon all!’ every now and then.
*bear hugs Naps*
I know you’ve missed me really.
GERROFF!
*gives Naps a lick wash with a bit of tissue off of my pocket*
Pop!